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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does height matter to you? Short love interest

278 replies

Wheresthesilverlining · 04/02/2021 13:24

So I'm seeing this guy who says he is 5ft8 and I'm 5ft 7. He's not, he's like a few inches shorter than me. Aibu for letting this out me off a bit/alot? I feel like a giant when we cuddle and like over powering idk. I only ever where healed shoes boots etc and love a nice pair of strappy heels I literally do not own one pair of flat shoes. The guy is really nice but my head can't seem to get over that I feel a bit uncomfortable that he's shorter than me. Help?

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 04/02/2021 13:29

The fact is, it matters to you. If you feel uncomfortable (and he’s been untruthful) then he’s not the one for you.

I’m short and only ever fancied tall men. I’m sure there are many women who don’t have a view on it at all or like shorter men.

thecatneuterer · 04/02/2021 13:51

It's your call, so I can't say either YABU or YANBU. It really doesn't matter to me. In fact, when I was online dating, I never even bothered to look at their heights and it was always a surprise when we met. I didn't look as I had absolutely no interest.

But then lots of other things were a total turn off for me that wouldn't be for other people I'm sure. Fancying people isn't an equal opportunities thing. You are attracted to what you're attracted to.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/02/2021 13:57

Fancying people isn't an equal opportunities thing. You are attracted to what you're attracted to.

Absolutely. Everyone has something they find attractive or unattractive. For some it's certain heigh, for others certain height, for others size of the hand or feet, some may not be into certain hair or be very much into certain hair colours and styles.

We are all individuals with individual tastes. Some things people can get over easily, some other things are nonnegotiable. That's life.

Nonamesavail · 04/02/2021 13:58

Personally it would put me off.

PawPawNoodle · 04/02/2021 14:00

I'm 5ft 7 too, Mr. Noodle is the shortest man I've been with at 5ft 11.

When I wear heels we're the same height and I don't like it, so I don't wear heels any more.

Whitney168 · 04/02/2021 14:04

I'd like to say I could get past it - and to be honest, I am sure if it was someone you 'grew to love' most of us could - but I am no sylph and I would probably get a complex about it.

However, the over-riding 'no' in your situation for me would be that HE clearly does have a complex if he's lied about it, and that would be the nail in the coffin.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/02/2021 14:08

However, the over-riding 'no' in your situation for me would be that HE clearly does have a complex if he's lied about it, and that would be the nail in the coffin.

I don't necessarily agree he has a complex about it. Just looking at answers and remembering answers from aimilar threads, he more likely lied so he gets a chance for a meet up and actually talk to the person rather than being disregarded straight away for being 160cm instead of 180 women seem to like.

It's a lie, but I can see why he did it tbh

DianaT1969 · 04/02/2021 14:10

It wouldn't matter to me. Trust me, one day you are going to LOVE low shoes.

Nunoftheother · 04/02/2021 14:20

It's up to you not anyone else, but he can't do anything about it. Who knows, maybe he's put off by your poor spelling...?

Original poster
Wheresthesilverlining · 04/02/2021 14:35

Haha yes sorry @Nunoftheother I did realise several mistakes after I posted it 🤦‍♀️ don't know what's going on with my head lately normally I can spell 😂. And to those who said he lied I'm not sure if he did or if he just over estimated his height or was a tad generous. I don't think he did it to be deceptive he's not the type I do think he reckons he is 5ft 8 maybe he was last time he checked but definitely not anymore. I just can't agree I mean I feel like am I really the girl to let a nice guy go because he's short? Is anyone taller than their partner?

OP posts:
NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 04/02/2021 14:41

I'm 5'7" and the most amazing guy who ever walked into my life is 5'8".

I lost touch with him and, quite frankly, I'd give anything to speak to him again Sad I really don't care how tall he is.

DramaAlpaca · 04/02/2021 14:45

I'm 5'10 and yes it would bother me. Shallow it may be but I'm just not attracted to short men. DH is 5'11 so not much taller than me, but he's perfect for me in every other way.

rosiejaune · 04/02/2021 14:47

If you always wear heels, how can you tell if he's shorter than you or not? YABU for the heels anyway; they are harmful to you.

Hahaha88 · 04/02/2021 14:48

I think it's a bit petty to not date someone because of their height. I once was on the receiving end of this, by a particularly short guy, maybe 5"5 who said he wouldn't date me as I'm taller than him (I mean a lot of woman were, he was making life pretty hard on himself!). Which I found rather weird and a good thing too as I wouldn't have liked to date someone so narrow minded.
My oh is the only person I've dated whose shorter than me, and the height difference between him and my previous is a foot! But god do I love my short arse fella. And I genuinely stopped noticing the height difference pretty quickly on

HappyFlamingo · 04/02/2021 14:58

My dad is 3 inches shorter than my mum and they've been happily married for over 50 years! If he's great in every other way then I think it would be a shame to let this bother you. It's up to you though.

Iamtooknackeredtorun · 04/02/2021 15:03

If that's the only thing I could def cope. I have a list of red lines (almost exclusively personality/views/behaviour driven). If they can get over those then being about my height isn't a deal breaker.

BeastOfBODMAS · 04/02/2021 15:08

Is anyone taller than their partner?
@Wheresthesilverlining

Yes! I am 5’8 and of the round persuasion, my DH is shorter and of slim build. I think 5’4ish, I’ve never asked! We were friends for years before getting together and I saw him get dumped for his height and really hurt which made me angry on his behalf at the time as I knew him to be a great bloke.

He’s insecure about his height, but me feeling like a lump next to him was my insecurity because I’ve felt the same with tall muscular partners too! So I am working on getting to a healthy weight and making more of an effort with clothes and grooming. I think your own insecurities need to be managed yourself, not choose your partner or friends as a foil to them.

On the other hand you fancy who you fancy. Medieval teeth has always been my absolute nope!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/02/2021 15:13

I dated shorter and taller. Went around the height block😂 DH is probably an inch taller than me.
Never had any issues with any height.

But as I said, we are all attracted to different things. 🤷🏻 If it is big deal, it is a big deal.

Mousehole10 · 04/02/2021 15:19

It matters to me, I didn’t date anyone who was short as it just puts me off. If it puts you off that’s fine, but don’t continue to date him.

CounsellorTroi · 04/02/2021 15:23

@SchrodingersImmigrant

However, the over-riding 'no' in your situation for me would be that HE clearly does have a complex if he's lied about it, and that would be the nail in the coffin.

I don't necessarily agree he has a complex about it. Just looking at answers and remembering answers from aimilar threads, he more likely lied so he gets a chance for a meet up and actually talk to the person rather than being disregarded straight away for being 160cm instead of 180 women seem to like.

It's a lie, but I can see why he did it tbh

This. A bit rich to get upset about someone lying about their height if you wouldn't have dated them if they'd been honest about it.
JKW36 · 04/02/2021 15:32

My husband is 5'6so short for a man. I am the same height. He is the opposite of the usual type I would have gone for. Obviously my love for him meant I could overlook the lack of height. But I have always felt very large compared to him (I'm 2 stone heavier then him, always have been). He's never been able to pick me up etc. 20 years later I would still say my type is tall Confused

bungaloid · 04/02/2021 15:47

I'm a short man at 166cm, but I've turned down women as they simply weren't beautiful enough. I can't help that I only like beautiful women. So, swings and roundabouts really.

SingingLoud · 04/02/2021 15:52

I’m 5ft 3 so no I’m not taller than my husband, and in fact have never met a man shorter than me. I don’t think I’ve ever dated anyone under 6ft.

I just don’t fancy short men. Nor do I fancy men with beards, or overweight men, or blonde haired men.

If you don’t fancy him you don’t fancy him.

Happycat1212 · 04/02/2021 16:02

People are so weird about height and it seems to be the one thing that people think others shouldn’t be allowed to have a preference on when it comes to dating! I can’t believe pp actually said A bit rich to get upset about someone lying about their height if you wouldn't have dated them if they'd been honest about it. like wtf! Would it be ok for him to lie about other things then like he’s weight or age to get people to date him?! Hmm

CounsellorTroi · 04/02/2021 16:04

I've got things I find attractive, like curly hair, but they aren't and never have been deal breakers if a man doesn't have them. My DH doesn't have curly hair!