Page 4 | Does height matter to you? Short love interest

Wheresthesilverlining · 2021-02-04T13:24:12+00:00

So I'm seeing this guy who says he is 5ft8 and I'm 5ft 7. He's not, he's like a few inches shorter than me. Aibu for letting this out me off a bit/alot? I feel like a giant when we cuddle and like over powering idk. I only ever where healed shoes boots etc and love a nice pair of strappy heels I literally do not own one pair of flat shoes. The guy is really nice but my head can't seem to get over that I feel a bit uncomfortable that he's shorter than me. Help?

OverTheRubicon · 05/02/2021 07:57

I bet that all the people here saying how they would never date a slightly shorter man would be horrified by men saying they wouldn't date a slightly larger woman.

My ds2 has a condition that means that he's going to be very short - shorter than your love interest. When I see the many many posts on here about only fancying taller men, or the people who think it's funny to laugh at guys for having small hands, I feel sad for him - but then suppose that at least if he does go for women, he'll rule out the shallower ones fast

newyearnewname123 · 05/02/2021 08:07

A bit rich to get upset about someone lying about their height if you wouldn't have dated them if they'd been honest about it

Surely it's the other way round, OP wanted someone taller, he lied, she's found out and isn't interested in him.

Apparently lots of men also lie about their age on dating sites because they don't respect women's right to filter out older men.

It's a bit bizarre to start a relationship with a lie.

newyearnewname123 · 05/02/2021 08:09

Oh, and I am short and generally prefer short men.

Ginfordinner · 05/02/2021 08:13

YABU to never wear flats. Surely you must own a pair of trainers or comfy flat shoes to go walking in?

Eeeemac · 05/02/2021 08:16

@OverTheRubicon

Thank you for your post. It is a view not often mentioned on these threads.

We too have a son who will be short. His dad had hormone treatment as a teenager and it deeply affected his feeling of being accepted. It was like society was saying, 'you are too short for a man.'

We will also teach him to look further than the outside of any human being.

Beefcurtains79 · 05/02/2021 08:16

There’s lots of women who come on here saying that they threw away partners for shallow reasons in the past, and regret it.

gannett · 05/02/2021 08:20

Obviously you can't help who you fancy and no one's suggesting anyone should fake an equal opportunities attraction.

But height comments among straight women (and men) almost always have a weird undertone to them. Beyond just having a preference for an eye or hair colour. People get very defensive about not liking short men as if it's the norm.

And a lot of it isn't to do with attraction, it's because the woman thinks they look weird as a couple, or she feels big and unfeminine. (You definitely see the reverse, men getting weird about dating taller women because they feel small and unmasculine.) In both cases the problem is you, your insecurities and your internalised gender stereotypes - not the shortness of the man (or tallness of the woman).

So you feel big next to him? What's wrong with being big?

And this nonsense about feeling protected. What kind of regressive gender cliche is that? Personally, that feeling of safety and protection is very much an emotional, not a physical thing. I'm not after someone who can defend me in a fight!

praecantator · 05/02/2021 08:20

Height doesn't matter an iota if the chap in question has a brain size of a planet and is charm and charisma personified.
If not, then one must decide on other, less important factors.

Whatapalavaa · 05/02/2021 08:21

I've dated short men. They'd all fibbed on their dating profiles about their height by a couple of inches. I think they do it to get initial dates as many women won't date shorter men.

gannett · 05/02/2021 08:23

@OverTheRubicon

I bet that all the people here saying how they would never date a slightly shorter man would be horrified by men saying they wouldn't date a slightly larger woman.

My ds2 has a condition that means that he's going to be very short - shorter than your love interest. When I see the many many posts on here about only fancying taller men, or the people who think it's funny to laugh at guys for having small hands, I feel sad for him - but then suppose that at least if he does go for women, he'll rule out the shallower ones fast

If it's any comfort, IRL I know plenty of brilliant short men who've ended up with wonderful taller partners. The height difference is not an issue.

The women who swear they could never even look at a short man can be very loud about it but they're not as ubiquitous in real life as MN would suggest.

TomPinch · 05/02/2021 08:25

@OverTheRubicon

I bet that all the people here saying how they would never date a slightly shorter man would be horrified by men saying they wouldn't date a slightly larger woman.

My ds2 has a condition that means that he's going to be very short - shorter than your love interest. When I see the many many posts on here about only fancying taller men, or the people who think it's funny to laugh at guys for having small hands, I feel sad for him - but then suppose that at least if he does go for women, he'll rule out the shallower ones fast

Meh. I'm a short man (5'6) and thin too. I know that makes me less attractive. IMO you like who you like and it's dangerous to ignore that.

Would I prefer to be taller? Probably, but everyone had something about themselves that they'd like to change.

BabyBee93 · 05/02/2021 08:27

I don't think it's discriminatory to have a sexual preference. As per a PP asking about men who wouldn't choose to date ladies on the larger side, I also don't think there anything wrong with that. To each their own IMO!

FWIW I'm 5"1 and DP is 6"1. I love that he's so much taller and bigger than me and not sure I'd have gone any shorter...

KeflavikAirport · 05/02/2021 08:32

Like women never fib about their weight OLD

My husband is very short. I was slightly taken aback at first quite how short he was (shorter than the previous post by a few inches) but, y'know, I got over it and now we're happily married. It's true that some nationalities are shorter than others - Latino men for instance are often pretty small, but I don't see anyone kicking Gael Gabriel Bernal out of bed because of it.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/02/2021 08:41

But height comments among straight women (and men) almost always have a weird undertone to them

Yeah. It gets weird sometimes

Clawdy · 05/02/2021 08:51

There's another thread on here at the moment about this exact topic.

Beefcurtains79 · 05/02/2021 09:31

If he is kind, honest and treats you well then he’ll get snapped up by someone else a bit less shallow, so maybe let that happen.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/02/2021 09:38

It's nkt shallow to have physical preferences 🙄 It's normal. As if you all would just absolutely not care about anything physical at all. Luckily everyone has a different preferences so we all have someone looking for exactly what we are😁 Bodymates lol

SummerBlondey · 05/02/2021 09:44

If it matters to you, that's fine!

One of the sexiest things about my DH (in my eyes), is his height and shoulders. He's 6 ft 3, and has 48 inch chest. I'm only 5ft 1, and so to me he seems massive. Definite turn on!

OverTheRubicon · 05/02/2021 09:51

@newyearnewname123

A bit rich to get upset about someone lying about their height if you wouldn't have dated them if they'd been honest about it

Surely it's the other way round, OP wanted someone taller, he lied, she's found out and isn't interested in him.

Apparently lots of men also lie about their age on dating sites because they don't respect women's right to filter out older men.

It's a bit bizarre to start a relationship with a lie.

It's not 'bizarre' to lie about height when this thread alone reveals the deeply entrenched discrimination against short men. It's not equivalent to age, as we all get older. It's more like dating sites required you to state your exact weight, and Reddit had threads with men being totally astonished at why women understated it a bit.

CounsellorTroi · 05/02/2021 09:53

@Icenii

FFS. I'm under 5 foot and DH over 6 foot. I don't feel like a little girl. You do know that not all nationalities have an average height similar to the UK? Some average heights are 5 foot or under. I'm sure an entire nation doesn't feel like or seem like children.

Good for you. I feel differently. I’ve never really liked my height so being with someone really tall accentuates it and makes me feel less womanly. That is not to say I would rule out a tall man if I otherwise found him attractive and he was a nice guy,. After all it’s not his fault he’s tall.

ChristOnAPeloton · 05/02/2021 09:55

It’s not discrimination to not fancy someone FFS- whether you’re talking about a short man or an overweight woman.

Nobody has the legal right to a sexual partner. That way lies incel talk.

OverTheRubicon · 05/02/2021 10:00

@SchrodingersImmigrant

It's nkt shallow to have physical preferences 🙄 It's normal. As if you all would just absolutely not care about anything physical at all. Luckily everyone has a different preferences so we all have someone looking for exactly what we are😁 Bodymates lol

Would you also say that it's therefore very reasonable for all men to not consider dating women who aren't a size 8-10 with big boobs?

Our sexual preferences often show up the underlying prejudices we've absorbed over the years, we can't always change them but we can try to at least rethink our instinctive idea that, say, shorter men are unsexy. It's not something they can change.

If my son was in some other countries, he'd be offered growth hormone treatment that would likely cause lifelong organ damage (as he is not deficient) or in some places even surgery to break, heal and rebreak his legs to increase his height - all because it is considered so terrible for a man to be short.

There is so much body positivity for larger women - and that is great - but it's still ok to reject men for their height, even when, unlike weight, this is not something that an adult can change.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/02/2021 10:07

Would you also say that it's therefore very reasonable for all men to not consider dating women who aren't a size 8-10 with big boobs?

Yes, I would say it is reasonable for men to not consider dating certain body types. However, it obviously wouldn't be ALL man, same like it's not ALL women who don't find shorter man attractive. By far not all.

People are absolutely allowed to have their own preferences whether it's about physical or behaviour.

And fyi, ot is ok to reject someone for their weight. It's ok to reject someone for anything really, from how their nails are to weight, height.

DaphneduM · 05/02/2021 10:16

It's up to you - if you can't get past his height then fair enough. Personally I don't understand it though. I had a very short brother who married a beautiful tall woman. My husband is the same height as me - he's not only a lovely person but very handsome too. We're both totally confident in who we are.

BabyBee93 · 05/02/2021 10:17

@OverTheRubicon

Yes I'd say it's perfectly acceptable if a man preferred to date a booby size 8. You can't shame someone into finding things attractive. Physical attraction is innate and just as no one chooses to their sexuality, no one chooses who and what they find attractive. I've both turned down and been turned down by people who don't fit my physical criteria and that's okay. It just means you end up with someone who fancies you and who you fancy! Physical attraction and sexual chemistry are very important to a lot of people and it wouldn't be fair to expect people to overlook that based on your assumption that we need to find all shapes and sizes attractive.

Also I understand that this is personal to you because of your son, but just as there are people who prefer a taller man, there will be heaps of people who don't give a crap! Not being interested in short men isn't as ubiquitous as this thread would have you believe