Should I pay him back?

[namechangemoney]

When Covid hit my hours were reduced at work and I went down to 80% salary.

DH and i decided I would reduce my monthly mortgage contributions by the missing 20% and he would cover it. Ive recently learned that my company is kindly paying me back 10% of the earnings as a one off bonus.

Should I give that back to him?

For reference (which I think makes a difference)

We split mortgage 50/50
He pays all utility bills
We split all food / holidays / treats 50/50
He earns 100k more than me (I don't earn much) and has significant savings

@SleepingStandingUp
Bit off topic really, but if I earned 25k a year and my wife earned 100k more then me, say 125k, we have an income of 150k per year.

Let’s say we got a 500k mortgage and decided to go 50/50 ( as per the original post), and the repayment was £2k per month
With my 25k salary, I probably bring home about 20k per year, about 1600 per month, of which 1k goes to the mortgage, which leaves about £600 per month to live on ( the uk basic pension is about £550 per month)

But my wife probably has 4K a month to live on.
Sounds a bit unreasonable to me, but who knows?

How do we know that mans savings won't benefit wife in
The future? If they have children, they may need that to live off or cover the mortgage costs
Exactly unless they had a prenuptial agreement it doesn't sound like OP has anything to worry about it is hardly financial abuse from her DH.
We pool everything because it all goes out on outgoings weekly it makes it easier to pay bills too.
If I'd OP's setup I'd be laughing my way to the spa weekly.

Bold fail.

@HamAndButterSandwich oh how funny, the assumptions you've made about me are entirely incorrect.
I am the higher earner in my relationship and yes DH and I split childcare and chores equally, down to both working consolidated full time hours over 4 days so we both have a day in the week to look after DS. I wouldn't have it any other way. We also split our mortgage equally. I contribute more to other things, savings, house renovations, holidays etc. If his car blew up and there was money in one of my accounts to pay for it but not in his of course it would be used. We've just agreed to a new bathroom, the money will come from my account. He gets equal say over what's in it, and it's not MY bathroom. We have the same lifestyle and can both afford it.

Does he really work 10 times harder than you? So you work, say 7 hours a week to his 70?

Or is it more like double?

You've not been married long and don't have kids, but I would have had a conversation about this before marriage. You MUST do this before having any children.

He earns so very much more than you. In a partnership, he should be contributing more towards your shared lifestyle. More mortgage payments, paying more for nicer holidays etc.

Sounds like you have more leisure time and less stress. Ok, he should get some reward for putting in more hours and work - but you shouldn't have to scrimp to keep up with his lifestyle.

You need to be able to save, pay into pension etc.

And don't offer to pay him back - treat the pair of you to a takeaway or meal out once you can.

You’re a married couple. This is madness.

[quote JustAnotherOldMan]@SleepingStandingUp
Bit off topic really, but if I earned 25k a year and my wife earned 100k more then me, say 125k, we have an income of 150k per year.

Let’s say we got a 500k mortgage and decided to go 50/50 ( as per the original post), and the repayment was £2k per month
With my 25k salary, I probably bring home about 20k per year, about 1600 per month, of which 1k goes to the mortgage, which leaves about £600 per month to live on ( the uk basic pension is about £550 per month)

But my wife probably has 4K a month to live on.
Sounds a bit unreasonable to me, but who knows?[/quote]
BUT OP ONLY PAYS 25% OF HER TAKE HOME SALARY ON THE MORTGAGE.

So the "she'd be paying 90% if the mortgage was £3k" is irrelevant and pointless.

Given she's paying no other bills it seems fair to assume that if the mortgage was 2k and op bright home £1500 pm they'd have other arrangements

Does he really work 10 times harder than you? So you work, say 7 hours a week to his 70? Harder not longer. A brain surgeon works harder than me stacking shelves in a supermarket, making sandwiches in a student bar, working in an office in social housing with engaged customers. I work 46 billion times harder than a brain surgeon when I'm dealing with annoying tenants with pointless but unending complaints about everything.

I’m probably one of the few people who don’t agree that your set up in unfair.

However, you can piss off with saying in your OP that you don’t earn much, then adding later that you’re on £50K.

Just... go give your head a wobble, you idiot.

@Cocomarine

I’m probably one of the few people who don’t agree that your set up in unfair.

However, you can piss off with saying in your OP that you don’t earn much, then adding later that you’re on £50K.

Just... go give your head a wobble, you idiot.

I thought on MN 50k was barely subsistence living?

@SleepingStandingUp

For reference (which I think makes a difference)

We split mortgage 50/50
He pays all utility bills
We split all food / holidays / treats 50/50
He earns 100k more than me (I don't earn much) and has significant savings

Seems a bit unreasonable to me on the face of it, if one person earned 25 k and one earned 125k, but then I’ve not read all the thread, maybe one person 100k and one earns 200k

[quote JustAnotherOldMan]@SleepingStandingUp

For reference (which I think makes a difference)

We split mortgage 50/50
He pays all utility bills
We split all food / holidays / treats 50/50
He earns 100k more than me (I don't earn much) and has significant savings

Seems a bit unreasonable to me on the face of it, if one person earned 25 k and one earned 125k, but then I’ve not read all the thread, maybe one person 100k and one earns 200k[/quote]
Yes but the mortgage is still only 25% of her salary so she's still left with lots for holidays etc. You keep going about them having a 2k mortgage when she earns £1500 but that's not what happening here because she's only paying 25%

@AtrociousCircumstance

Bloody hell OP no need to be rude! The scenario you described made it seem like your H was not a decent man. You can backtrack now, but being aggressive about it is a bit crap.

what a crock of shit.

It just hasn't turned out how you wanted it too.

Oh God, like everyone else I assumed you were on 15K and your husband 115K, no wonder you got the replies you did!!
As you were, all seems fair and reasonable to me while you are working and pre-kids.

@SleepingStandingUp
Okay not seen the 50k comment
But money aside if 1 partner is earning 3 times as much as the other, I wouldn’t have expected the 50/50 pre COVID split, (forget the current 25% comment as the OP is talking paying that back)

When I was married, I earned about 40k and my wife about 18k, so I paid on about 2.3 to 1 basis, which seemed fair at the time

[quote JustAnotherOldMan]@SleepingStandingUp
Okay not seen the 50k comment
But money aside if 1 partner is earning 3 times as much as the other, I wouldn’t have expected the 50/50 pre COVID split, (forget the current 25% comment as the OP is talking paying that back)

When I was married, I earned about 40k and my wife about 18k, so I paid on about 2.3 to 1 basis, which seemed fair at the time[/quote]
It isn't a 50/50 split though, it is 50/50 on one single bill - the mortgage.

OP's husband pays all the other bills, including big purchases for the house and a cleaner.

[quote JustAnotherOldMan]@SleepingStandingUp
Okay not seen the 50k comment
But money aside if 1 partner is earning 3 times as much as the other, I wouldn’t have expected the 50/50 pre COVID split, (forget the current 25% comment as the OP is talking paying that back)

When I was married, I earned about 40k and my wife about 18k, so I paid on about 2.3 to 1 basis, which seemed fair at the time[/quote]
Their mortgage is 1500 pm roughly.

She pays 750
He pays 750 + 100 utilities, 50 insurance, 50 water, 150 CT, 200 food, as a rough guess. So 1300

She's paying 1/3 to her 1/4 income. And that's without cars, DIY, stuff for the house etc. Which probably tips it to about 1/4:3/4 like their income given he earns 150, she earns 50

@SleepingStandingUp
@luxxlisbon

Okay seems fair then,

So I earn about 50k, where can I find a wife who earns 150k, only wants me to pay 1/2 the mortgage and will pay for a cleaner and all the other big house bills,

Cos I’ve got to get me one of those

The OP has resolved her issue. Her husband sounds lovely. They have a happy marriage. He wants her to keep the money.

PLEASE CAN WE LET THIS THREAD DIE?

@namechangemoney

I earn £50k. He earns just over £150k.

I spend £800 each month on our mortgage leaving me with well over 2k to save / spend on what I like.

His savings are for the 'future' - should we need a bigger house, school fees etc (we don't have kids but would like to).

This wasn't the point of my OP but I'm very happy with our set up.

Yet in your original post you said 'I DONT EARN MUCH'

Righhhhhtttrt