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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Screamed at by a man this morning- I can’t stop thinking about it

204 replies

OwlBeThere · 01/02/2021 18:44

This morning I had to go and pick up prescriptions for myself, my mother, my sister and my daughter: 2 seperate pharmacies and I had limited time to do so. So I was flustered. I have a disability and as such have a blue badge, my mum also had one and for various reasons she and I share two cars.
I pulled up outside pharmacy 2 after already queuing for ages at pharmacy 1, put my badge on the dashboard and went to queue.
As I was walking a man wound down his window snd shouted ‘excuse me, are you disabled’ at me. I just looked at him said ‘yes’ and carried on walking.
As I came out of the pharmacy after collecting the prescriptions he had parked blocking me in and shouted at me ‘you’re not disabled, you should be ashamed’.
I was really embarrassed and I don’t cope well with men shouting at me, so I just said ‘I have a badge’ and tried to go around him to get into my car. Then he shoved his walking stick ON my car to block my way and said ‘that’s someone else’s badge’. I looked and I had accidentally put my mothers badge in the window. I said ‘oh I’m sorry I mixed them up, but mine is in the car’.
He was getting right up in my face and screaming that ‘kids’ like me should not be so entitled and all this stuff.
In the end another person came over and told to stop snd get back, covid rules etc.

I got in my car, and cried for about 15 mins, partly in shock and embarrassment and anger at myself for not sticking up for myself more/accidentally using the wrong badge.
I do look young, I’m forty, but my EDS that causes my disability means I have young looking skin etc and regularly get ID’d. But I also walk with an obvious limp.

I don’t even know what my AIBU is here, but I’m still turning over in my mind hours later whether his anger at my perceived lie was justified.

OP posts:
Toocold · 01/02/2021 18:48

I’m so sorry you had to put up with that nonsense and most people don’t act like that, he saw you were vulnerable and bullied you. I wish I could give you a hug and had also been there to tell him to F off, try not to dwell on it and know you’re not the one in the wrong 💐

KatherineOfGaunt · 01/02/2021 18:49

Even if he thought you were using someone else's badge and not disabled yourself, he shouldn't have been shouting at you and should not have blocked your path with his stick. There are so many hidden disabilities (i have one myself) it infuriates me that people think they have a right to police other people.

I'm sorry he made you cry. I'd have been exactly the same, I'm terrible at sticking up for myself. A piece of advice that works well for me is: every time you find your mind start to think about this incident, immediately think about something else, oregano something happy. Your mind will recall it less often if you don't dwell on it.

Look after yourself.

KatherineOfGaunt · 01/02/2021 18:50

*preferably not oregano!

Keeva2017 · 01/02/2021 18:51

Honestly I always think of myself as a toughie but had a similar incident where a women was screaming at me and hitting my car. I was distraught! I was so shocked at how upset I was but you can’t help your reactions and that man was a tosser. Hope you feel better tomorrow.

CherryValanc · 01/02/2021 18:53

Horrible experience. Doesn't matter how confident you are that would have been difficult to handle.

Im not sure what i can say really about how your feel. Try and concentrate on the fact you were not i the wrong he was. Also that someone helped you.

Also maybe realise it's not personal. This man's life must be bad at the moment, either because something has happen to him or he's simply just a nasty prick.

LST · 01/02/2021 18:53

I stopped using my disabled badge. Which in turn stopped me going to places. I was judged by countless people. The traffic warden was the final straw. I dont drive anyway, but it was to make my life easier when I went with DP anywhere. I only used it when I was really really struggling anyway. But people are pricks and don't believe a young woman in her 20s with children fits the stereotype of disability.

I am sorry you experienced this op

FelicityPike · 01/02/2021 18:53

I would’ve phoned the police!

hamstersarse · 01/02/2021 18:54

There are a lot of unfeasibly rude people around at the moment.

Covid seems to have given people license to interfere, aggressively, in other peoples lives

Try and think he’s probably very stressed and just taking it out on you. You clearly did nothing wrong

DynamoKev · 01/02/2021 18:56

@FelicityPike

I would’ve phoned the police!
Indeed - that was assault
yummyeclair · 01/02/2021 18:57

I find taking a photo of the person and their car helps with calling the police afterwards. Had similar because a man thought I had bumped his car when parking which I hadn't and he threatened me. Like PP remember most people are nice and he was a .

ThatIsNotMyUsername · 01/02/2021 18:58

Who made him the sherif? I know people get hacked off with people using the spaces/ borrowing a card but he had no right to go in on the attack.

Deep breath - life is too short for this.

BloggersBlog · 01/02/2021 18:59

What an arrogant pig Angry I hope you are ok.

Beforethetakingoftoastandtea · 01/02/2021 19:01

I would have filmed him, then phoned then police.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 01/02/2021 19:01

Try to let it go. People can be absolutely horrible completely at random and it's not just the disabled and the anxious who can be on the receiving end of this treatment.

MmeLaraque · 01/02/2021 19:01

He was being a knob. No idea why, but I'm not surprised you're upset. I would be upset, too. People have attempted to harass me in the past for being out with my teen (teen is autistic). Either teen "doesn't *look disabled" (Really? Do clarify....), or, when teen does any one of the many things that resulted in the diagnosis in the first place, "Shoudln't be allowed out." I've grown a rather thick skin, and would happily tell someone to "Go shit a cactus". Or at least think it. Even just thinking that helps enormously. Big hugs.

Pinkdelight3 · 01/02/2021 19:02

He's an arse but it's very bad luck that you used the wrong badge. Wouldn't have helped contradict his prejudice. If you'd used the right one, he'd have had to shut up and hopefully learn something. In this case, it appeared to him that he was vindicated. You know otherwise, but nothing to be done about it now. Maybe focus on the nice person who stepped in to sort it out and be heartened by that instead of him.

Covidcorvid · 01/02/2021 19:03

I’m sorry. He shouldnt even have been checking your badge.

Dd has Eds and she recently applied for a blue badge (got turned down) and while wee were waiting to hear I did think if she got the badge she would have to face stuff like this, only been 18yo...

OwlBeThere · 01/02/2021 19:04

Thank you. I mean even before checking the badge he had clearly decided I was a liar because I’m not as old as him. It was really shocking.

OP posts:
DianaT1969 · 01/02/2021 19:06

There needs to be a stronger public message campaign that not all disabilities can be seen. For the last couple of years people with non-physical disabilities have been entitled to a blue badge. There are some ignorant people in the world. Please try to shrug it off OP.

Nohairofcourseicare · 01/02/2021 19:06

He sounds awful. I’m not surprised you were upset and shaken up. Don’t let it put you off using your badge, or going places. Blue badges are not easy to come by. If you’ve been issued one, then you clearly need it.

Veryverycalmnow · 01/02/2021 19:07

What a bell end he sounds. Hope you're ok.

tatutata · 01/02/2021 19:07

Unfortunately policing other people is the new national pastime. Sorry this happened to you, he's a twat.

SummerHouse · 01/02/2021 19:08

What an arsehole. Don't give him another moments worry. I can only suspect that he has mental health issues. Feel sorry for him. Accosting young woman for parking in disabled spaces is no way to live.

Stinkywizzleteets · 01/02/2021 19:08

I’m so sorry you’ve had that experience OP. I’ve had similar to the point my kids ask me not to park in disabled spaces because they get embarrassed by the abuse directed at us. If I have my walking stick with me, which I rarely need thanks to new meds, I only get funny looks and stared at.

It’s awful and it’s not getting any better for disabled people.

MrsMigginsPie · 01/02/2021 19:08

What a horrible experience for you! His anger was not justified and he certainty shouldn’t have treated you that way. It’s unfortunate that you inadvertently had your mum’s blue badge but he’d obviously decided you didn’t look disabled as he wouldn’t have been able to see the name on the badge until he’d parked. And by that time had already decided you were in the wrong as he blocked you in! His aggressive response was probably due to past problems he’s had - and maybe lashing out at you was a build up of all those other occasions. Still doesn’t make what he did in the least bit right however.

I mull over these type of things too. Usually find sharing it with a friend and it helps hearing their outrage on my behalf and what manner of atrocities they’d commit if they saw the person! BrewFlowers

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