Screamed at by a man this morning- I can’t stop thinking about it

[OwlBeThere]

This morning I had to go and pick up prescriptions for myself, my mother, my sister and my daughter: 2 seperate pharmacies and I had limited time to do so. So I was flustered. I have a disability and as such have a blue badge, my mum also had one and for various reasons she and I share two cars.
I pulled up outside pharmacy 2 after already queuing for ages at pharmacy 1, put my badge on the dashboard and went to queue.
As I was walking a man wound down his window snd shouted ‘excuse me, are you disabled’ at me. I just looked at him said ‘yes’ and carried on walking.
As I came out of the pharmacy after collecting the prescriptions he had parked blocking me in and shouted at me ‘you’re not disabled, you should be ashamed’.
I was really embarrassed and I don’t cope well with men shouting at me, so I just said ‘I have a badge’ and tried to go around him to get into my car. Then he shoved his walking stick ON my car to block my way and said ‘that’s someone else’s badge’. I looked and I had accidentally put my mothers badge in the window. I said ‘oh I’m sorry I mixed them up, but mine is in the car’.
He was getting right up in my face and screaming that ‘kids’ like me should not be so entitled and all this stuff.
In the end another person came over and told to stop snd get back, covid rules etc.

I got in my car, and cried for about 15 mins, partly in shock and embarrassment and anger at myself for not sticking up for myself more/accidentally using the wrong badge.
I do look young, I’m forty, but my EDS that causes my disability means I have young looking skin etc and regularly get ID’d. But I also walk with an obvious limp.

I don’t even know what my AIBU is here, but I’m still turning over in my mind hours later whether his anger at my perceived lie was justified.

@Calmandmeasured1...yeah, I don’t think different colours are necessary, it’s no one else’s business whst someone’s disability is, we have been assessed to get a badge and that’s that. There is no reason to make them different colours to appease nosey people.
I do slightly take issue though with, ‘if you don’t look disabled’ being a valid reason to check someone’s badge tbh. He had clearly decided I was a liar before getting close to my car purely based on my perceived age.

I can't get upset that people actually care about badge misuse as it is often the reason we can't get parked even if someone is misusing a badge space there is absolutely no justification for screaming in someone’s face and blocking their access. None.

I have a blue badge and I am visually impaired so it is easy to see that I am disabled . But the irony is that the reason I applied for the blue badge was because of my serious heart condition which meant that I was unable to walk more than about 50M without becoming severely breathless and needing to stop. But on the face of it, that disability is invisible, so if it weren’t for the fact I have a visible disability as well I have no doubt people would think I was misusing the scheme.

But either way, nobody has the right to scream in someone else’s face. And frankly I’m sick of hearing the excuse that “maybe they were having a bad day.”

I don’t think different colours are necessary, it’s no one else’s business whst someone’s disability is, we have been assessed to get a badge and that’s that. There is no reason to make them different colours to appease nosey people.
OP, I did say that I was not referring to your situation at all.

My thinking behind that suggestion was that some people just do not think of disabilities as anything other than mobility issues. Different colour badges would give those people some awareness that is not the case and that other hidden disabilities exist. Wouldn't something that raises awareness be beneficial? It has nothing to do with people being nosey. No-one would know what the hidden disability is.

@JaimeLeeCurtains

Mine's in the wallet it came in with the clock dial you have to use. Like a fold out wallet.

Both my daughters bb and clocks came without a wallet to put them in. All the renewed badges have also come without a wallet. Not everyone has a wallet for their badges. I know you can buy them, and I keep meaning to as I have to keep checking whose badge we are putting up.

@Summerdayshaze

And fuck off with your different coloured badges. Mind your own business. We have no obligation to explain ourselves to people sniffing about trying to trip up disabled people. People will abuse ANY system.

Hear hear. A totally ridiculous idea. It's got naff-all to do with anyone what a person's disability is. Different colour badges for different disabilities??? Blue for 'disabilities you can see,' yellow for 'invisible illnesses,' green for both. And what... Sky blood bastard pink for autism? What a load of utter, UTTER shit.

People who are confronted by despicable nosey cunts like the man in the OP, need to just tell them to FUCK OFF! It is NOTHING to do with them - NOTHING, and it's not their place to comment. Fucking busybodies.

@AlternativePerspective

Nobody has the right to scream in someone else’s face. And frankly I’m sick of hearing the excuse that “maybe they were having a bad day.

This. ^ These people making this excuse are the type who would confront someone themselves. Why else would they excuse this behaviour?

@Calmandmeasured1 I think a campaign to remind people that disability isn’t always a wheelchair for sure, I just think different coloured badges is opening up a whole can of worms, the kind of people who think invisible illness is fake or whatever would think nothing of saying it’s not a ‘proper badge’ etc. I get what you’re saying, I just think it would cause more problems than it would solve.

[quote OwlBeThere]@Calmandmeasured1 I think a campaign to remind people that disability isn’t always a wheelchair for sure, I just think different coloured badges is opening up a whole can of worms, the kind of people who think invisible illness is fake or whatever would think nothing of saying it’s not a ‘proper badge’ etc. I get what you’re saying, I just think it would cause more problems than it would solve.[/quote]
Well said. A campaign to educate the obtuse and narrow minded is a much better idea than different colour badges for different disabilities. Bloody daft idea.

@Calmandmeasured1

I don’t think different colours are necessary, it’s no one else’s business whst someone’s disability is, we have been assessed to get a badge and that’s that. There is no reason to make them different colours to appease nosey people. OP, I did say that I was not referring to your situation at all.

My thinking behind that suggestion was that some people just do not think of disabilities as anything other than mobility issues. Different colour badges would give those people some awareness that is not the case and that other hidden disabilities exist. Wouldn't something that raises awareness be beneficial? It has nothing to do with people being nosey. No-one would know what the hidden disability is.

I don't think that would help at all. There have already been people on this thread who have said they feel badges should only be given to those with physical conditions. I have no doubt that those who are already assholes about non-wheelchair users or people younger than a certain age using blue badge spaces, would still dismiss people as "Oh, it's a yellow badge? Might as well ignore that, I'm more in need with my blue one!"

If someone challenges you tell them to report you to the council if they believe you are misusing a blue badge. At least then they feel like they will have done something and you also know it’s not a problem as you are justified to use it.

I'm so.sorry this happened, what a miserable twat!!! I have found that people are incredibly judgy, on edge and generally aggravated lately (I wonder why!!!) It's hard to shrug off rudeness, i even get upset when people are rude in supermarkets! Try to remember what a miserable person he must be and you were good enough to be polite and try to get away from him x x x x xx

I’m so sorry OP that’s vile.

Well I suppose every cloud has a silver lining! As I just recieved a Facebook message off the very nice man who helped me out, checking if I’m ok and he’s asked me if I’d like to have a zoom date on Friday!!

What an absolute dick he sounds. I would be shaking after that.

If something similar happens again I wonder if you could try going back into the shop/pharmacy and asking a staff member to help (if it's the car park that belongs to that shop)?

@OwlBeThere

Well I suppose every cloud has a silver lining! As I just recieved a Facebook message off the very nice man who helped me out, checking if I’m ok and he’s asked me if I’d like to have a zoom date on Friday!!

Aw that's lovely.

OP, every local Council that issues blue badges sends a "clock" with them, so that when using the badge for street parking you can set the time you left the car, otherwise you just couldn't park in a disabled space, or on double yellow lines. You ALWAYS have to display the time you left the car on the clock. Most Councils give you 3 hours (often for free) from the time you left your car. The fact that your Council didn't send either you or your Mum a "clock" is awful, you must get them to send both you and your Mother the clocks straight away.
Please then buy yourself a blue badge holder (and get your Mum to buy one too), you can get some for £5 or £6 (or a lot more if you want a pretty one!). Your blue badge goes in the right hand side, and the clock in the left hand pouch. Also, if you get 2 different coloured ones, you might not get yours and your Mum's mixed up so easily.
The booklet (I would say that it is definetly a booklet, rather than a leaflet) that comes with your blue badge, explains very clearly what you can and can't do with your badge, when and where you can and can't use it, and that in Scotland some of the rules are slightly different. It also explains how you MUST display your blue badge, including the use of the clock, so my best advice is, please read through your booklet very carefully, because you can be fined a lot of money for not using yours correctly, and if you use your Mum's badge accidently and a traffic warden, or policeman asks to see it, your Mum would get a hefty fine. I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience.

@Bl3ss3dm0m thank you, I’m well aware how blue badges work. I’ve had one for over a decade, maybe it’s because I’m in Wales but our rules say you only need to display a clock if you park somewhere that is time restricted or on double yellow lines which I never do, I go very few places. I don’t remember having been given a clock, but maybe I was, but...brain fog. 🤷🏼‍♀️ My mother may have one. I don’t know. Ordinarily her badge wouldn’t be in my car so mixing them up isn’t likely again.

Excited about your very nice man!

[quote OwlBeThere]@Bl3ss3dm0m thank you, I’m well aware how blue badges work. I’ve had one for over a decade, maybe it’s because I’m in Wales but our rules say you only need to display a clock if you park somewhere that is time restricted or on double yellow lines which I never do, I go very few places. I don’t remember having been given a clock, but maybe I was, but...brain fog. 🤷🏼‍♀️ My mother may have one. I don’t know. Ordinarily her badge wouldn’t be in my car so mixing them up isn’t likely again.[/quote]
I just checked for you, OP, and the Gov.Wales website says that they do send clock dials with blue badges plus instructions about when they must be used and displayed, so you and your mum will have them somewhere - in a drawer of paperwork màybe?

Tbh I always use mine, just in case, as you never really know, especially at shops & supermarkets, what the rules might be, even where it's disabled parking by a pharmacy. I hate getting caught out by parking rules.

Have a nice zoom date Every cloud, and all that.

@Bl3ss3dm0m

OP, every local Council that issues blue badges sends a "clock" with them

No they don't.

HTH

Sorry, my mistake, this is the bit I meant to quote

You ALWAYS have to display the time you left the car on the clock.

DumplingsAndStew, Sorry if I wasn't clear, I thought I said that when street parking, or parking on double yellow lines, you Always have to display on your clock the time you parked your vehicle there. However, of course that might not be the same for private roads, but I was referring to Council adopted roads. I didn't say that you have to do so for all supermarket car parks, most of them you don't (although some of them had started tightening their rules before Covid 19 reared it's ugly head).
OP, you sound slightly annoyed, but I wasn't trying to patronize you, I was trying to stop you or your Mum potentially receiving a large fine, as from what you said earlier you didn't seem to know all the rules, or that you should have been issued with a "clock". As you have had a badge for 10 years you should have received a new clock 3 times. Even though you don't think that you will ever need one, I still think it would be a good idea to have one in case of emergencies. By the way, the four different large hospitals I have attended in the past few years, have all needed you to use the clock as well as the blue badge, if you want to park in a disabled bay, but hopefully that isn't the same everywhere.

@Bl3ss3dm0m

But you're still wrong. Councils where YOU live and/or drive may require you to use and display a clock. Not everyone lives where you do.

@Bl3ss3dm0m not really annoyed, though telling me it’s a booklet not a leaflet IS a bit patronising. I haven’t ever needed a clock in over 10 years, not at any of the hospital’s I go to, hospital parking in Wales is free so that maybe the difference. I don’t know.
The thing is, I wrote this post wanting to talk about talked down to and now it does feel a little like that is what you are doing. But I do thank you for your post.

Sorry you were shouted at . Bet he wouldn't have tried it on if you had been a young 6 ft 4 man.
Facebook man might be a keeper though.