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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Screamed at by a man this morning- I can’t stop thinking about it

204 replies

OwlBeThere · 01/02/2021 18:44

This morning I had to go and pick up prescriptions for myself, my mother, my sister and my daughter: 2 seperate pharmacies and I had limited time to do so. So I was flustered. I have a disability and as such have a blue badge, my mum also had one and for various reasons she and I share two cars.
I pulled up outside pharmacy 2 after already queuing for ages at pharmacy 1, put my badge on the dashboard and went to queue.
As I was walking a man wound down his window snd shouted ‘excuse me, are you disabled’ at me. I just looked at him said ‘yes’ and carried on walking.
As I came out of the pharmacy after collecting the prescriptions he had parked blocking me in and shouted at me ‘you’re not disabled, you should be ashamed’.
I was really embarrassed and I don’t cope well with men shouting at me, so I just said ‘I have a badge’ and tried to go around him to get into my car. Then he shoved his walking stick ON my car to block my way and said ‘that’s someone else’s badge’. I looked and I had accidentally put my mothers badge in the window. I said ‘oh I’m sorry I mixed them up, but mine is in the car’.
He was getting right up in my face and screaming that ‘kids’ like me should not be so entitled and all this stuff.
In the end another person came over and told to stop snd get back, covid rules etc.

I got in my car, and cried for about 15 mins, partly in shock and embarrassment and anger at myself for not sticking up for myself more/accidentally using the wrong badge.
I do look young, I’m forty, but my EDS that causes my disability means I have young looking skin etc and regularly get ID’d. But I also walk with an obvious limp.

I don’t even know what my AIBU is here, but I’m still turning over in my mind hours later whether his anger at my perceived lie was justified.

OP posts:
SunsetSenora · 01/02/2021 23:20

[quote DumplingsAndStew]@SunsetSenora

I know not all disabilities are visible, but do think the scheme has been extended too far and should be focused on mobility issues (intermittent or not).

But the OP does have mobility issues Confused[/quote]
Yes, my point was not about her, but the fact that extending the blue badge scheme past mobility issues has caused pressure on spaces and frustration. Not arguing she should not have a badge at all. Or that he was reasonable. Or should be policing her.

Onlymeandthedognow · 01/02/2021 23:24

So sorry you had this happen, op.
When my late DH was suffering from terminal lung cancer, he had a badge cos he couldn’t walk very far ( but looked reasonably ok)
We were confronted at Tesco - I had got out of the car to get the trolley so he could lean on it to walk - I came back to the car to find some horrid witch yelling that he shouldn’t have a badge cos neither of us were disabled.
He was so calm and just smiled and said, ‘you’re right, my wife isn’t disabled, but she has to drive me around’
The horrid cow then said that he can’t be disabled either, as he looked perfectly fine to her.
He quietly said, ‘Well I’m not disabled in the true sense of the word, I’m dying’
I was SO bloody proud of him!
She just strutted off... no apology...

OwlBeThere · 01/02/2021 23:43

@JaimeLeeCurtains we don’t have the clock dial on ours. I just have a card.

@SunsetSenora that might well be his problem, though it seemed to mostly be that I am ‘a child’ and therefore clearly not disabled. However even if his issue is with the number of badges given out, Or that they are given too easily (something I would dispute tbh) I don’t see how either of those things are my fault for him to direct his problem at me, I applied, I provided evidence and I was granted one, same as him.

OP posts:
OwlBeThere · 01/02/2021 23:44

@Onlymeandthedognow I’m sorry for your loss and I’m also proud of him for standing up for himself. ❤️

OP posts:
willFOURbagsbeenough · 01/02/2021 23:54

I wouldn’t even have answers his first question. And I’d have called the police as soon as I saw his car blocking mine. Dont engage with people like that at all OP. You don’t have to provide any information to randomers on the street.

NiceGerbil · 02/02/2021 01:29

Thing is that when you're struggling already. Standing up for yourself just is impossible.

I've been there.

He was a bully.

Yes in an ideal world we'd all be bolshy and know what to do in this situation confidently. But in real life it's not like that.

grassisjeweled · 02/02/2021 01:32

Sexist too. He would not have done that to a man.

MyDcAreMarvel · 02/02/2021 03:22

Op your badge isn’t valid if it’s upside down and you can get fined, be careful.

JaimeLeeCurtains · 02/02/2021 05:12

OP crikey, that's a bit cheapskate of your local authority (or whatever blue badge scheme you use) that they didn't send you a clock dial and the light blue wallet. Luckily you can buy then online for a couple of pounds and they're worth it - highly visible, keeps your actual badge safe and properly displayed, and much harder to misplace or drop down gaps than just a badge on its own.

Did you not even get sent an accompanying leaflet about how to use (and not use!) the badge? Obviously other people read up the rules and make it their mission in life to try and 'police' them. Unfortunately they also sometimes add in some extra made-up 'rules', for their own bizarre and usually unpleasant reasons, and some can definitely cross the line with their ranting and aggressive intrusiveness.

Covidcorvid · 02/02/2021 06:44

I think the scheme is focused on mobility issues. I don’t know for what other reason you’d get one? 🤷‍♀️ Friend of mine has one for their little boy because he has cardiac issues.

So while technically he can walk ok, doesn’t have a limp, isn’t in a wheelchair, nothing visible wrong....he can’t walk much of a distance due to his heart. If he’d been able to walk distances they wouldn’t have got one.

They get loads of abuse from people as well.

OwlBeThere · 02/02/2021 06:45

@JaimeLeeCurtains, yes there was a leaflet, I do know how to use it properly, when I just used my car it just sat in the window at all times so I didn’t really need to think about it, but currently I’m using 2 cars for various reasons and so I have to swap them round etc etc, I also have fibromyalgia and the brain fog means this is a flipping chore quite often. today I happened to be driving my mothers car where I can’t easily reach the dashboard, so I have to sort of fling it in. I didn’t check it because I was rushing and evidently I managed to use both the wrong badge and Chuck it in upside down. Like a pleb.

OP posts:
OwlBeThere · 02/02/2021 06:48

@Covidcorvid yes it is, in more recent times MH conditions and non-physical mobility issues have been added, which in my opinion is entirely right. I missed your earlier question I’m sorry. Any evidence you can gather is helpful, so yes I would gather everything even if you feel it irrelevant, I went back to uni in 2010 and I know exactly what you mean about the parking situation. I wish you luck ❤️

OP posts:
ChwistmasTwee · 02/02/2021 06:49

How would he even know it wasn't your badge? They don't have people's names, ages or details of disabilities printed on them.

OwlBeThere · 02/02/2021 06:50

@MyDcAreMarvel I know, it’s definitely been a reminder to check the badge before I leave the car!

OP posts:
JaimeLeeCurtains · 02/02/2021 06:55

@Stovetopespresso, I daren't leave my blue badge in DP's car in case it gets stolen (and the car window smashed). There's quite a black market in them in places where there's a squeeze on parking and/or it's expensive. Which is a whole other thread probably!

Anyway, the man was a dick, yes.

OwlBeThere · 02/02/2021 07:04

@ChwistmasTwee it was upside down showing my mums photo.

OP posts:
OwlBeThere · 02/02/2021 07:21

@JaimeLeeCurtains bloody hell, that hadn’t ever occurred me that people do that kind of thing. Shock

OP posts:
JaimeLeeCurtains · 02/02/2021 07:29

I know OP, it's a really sad world sometimes 🙁 I got my badge because of inflammatory arthritis that I wouldn't wish on anyone, and sometimes I think it's just a magnet for utter dickheads.

donerwillbehere · 02/02/2021 07:35

I am sorry to hear you had to go through that . Disgraceful.
I have a question around blue badges and mobility .

There is a family who live down the road , unfortunately there father passed away at Christmas, he had a disabled bay . He never went anywhere but his wife and family used the bay .
The family aren't particularly a nice family , police have been called money times and so forth .

As I said the father unfortunately passed away . The family are still using the bay .

The road is extremely narrow and as residents we have a terrible time parking .

There are many elderly residents that live along the road that would benefit from a bay to be able to park near there house.

Other residents now are upset that the family are clearly violating the bay for their use and of there family or visitors. The family are jot the sort who you could ask . In fact they are extremely menacing .

So sorry to jijack I just wandered how it worked .

Wishwecouldturnbacktime · 02/02/2021 07:49

Men like him just want to bully women. I've experienced it a few times in my life. He wouldn't have done it to a man Angry

ChwistmasTwee · 02/02/2021 08:01

[quote OwlBeThere]@ChwistmasTwee it was upside down showing my mums photo.[/quote]
Oh sorry, I thought you meant the text was upside down. I clearly need more coffee.

fleurbelle · 02/02/2021 08:02

Sorry this happened to you.
I was challenged by an older guy once whilst working with one of my young people with autism.
Young person yelled "fuck off you twatty bastard"
I was secretly proud of him Grin

DenisetheMenace · 02/02/2021 08:03

That’s awful. Unfortunately, there are some very nasty people about. It’s not you.

DumplingsAndStew · 02/02/2021 08:05

@donerwillbehere

A blue badge bay isn't assigned to a particular person. It can be used by anyone with a valid badge. If other residents are bb holders, they can use the bay. This families visitors can't use the bay unless they display a valid badge.

If you think they are using a badge illegally, you can report them to the local authority.

If there are other residents that could benefit from a blue badge bay, they can apply for one through the council who will assess for one.

vjg13 · 02/02/2021 08:19

He sounds like an angry aggressive old weirdo! My daughter has a blue badge and I wish he would redirect his anger to the many people who use blue badge bays without a badge!

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