Screamed at by a man this morning- I can’t stop thinking about it

[OwlBeThere]

This morning I had to go and pick up prescriptions for myself, my mother, my sister and my daughter: 2 seperate pharmacies and I had limited time to do so. So I was flustered. I have a disability and as such have a blue badge, my mum also had one and for various reasons she and I share two cars.
I pulled up outside pharmacy 2 after already queuing for ages at pharmacy 1, put my badge on the dashboard and went to queue.
As I was walking a man wound down his window snd shouted ‘excuse me, are you disabled’ at me. I just looked at him said ‘yes’ and carried on walking.
As I came out of the pharmacy after collecting the prescriptions he had parked blocking me in and shouted at me ‘you’re not disabled, you should be ashamed’.
I was really embarrassed and I don’t cope well with men shouting at me, so I just said ‘I have a badge’ and tried to go around him to get into my car. Then he shoved his walking stick ON my car to block my way and said ‘that’s someone else’s badge’. I looked and I had accidentally put my mothers badge in the window. I said ‘oh I’m sorry I mixed them up, but mine is in the car’.
He was getting right up in my face and screaming that ‘kids’ like me should not be so entitled and all this stuff.
In the end another person came over and told to stop snd get back, covid rules etc.

I got in my car, and cried for about 15 mins, partly in shock and embarrassment and anger at myself for not sticking up for myself more/accidentally using the wrong badge.
I do look young, I’m forty, but my EDS that causes my disability means I have young looking skin etc and regularly get ID’d. But I also walk with an obvious limp.

I don’t even know what my AIBU is here, but I’m still turning over in my mind hours later whether his anger at my perceived lie was justified.

💐OP, I feel for you. Some people are disgusting.💐

He sounds very nasty and unpleasant .Even if you didnt have a Blue Badge /Disability ,he sounds the sort to kick off about anything ! Just think of him as someone with a really shit life who makes himself feel better ticking off a young woman with disabilites! How sad is that ?!

@dumpling and stew .
Thank very very much x

Maybe to save any future confrontations ,keep your Mums badge in the glove box and yours in your bag?or vice versa .He sounds like a total dickhead BTW! Dry your tears and have a nice cup of tea ,Also thank your lucky stars hes not your DF or DGF!

Oh I’m so sorry OP, what a horrible thing to go through. I can imagine how upset you must be, that kind of confrontation is so upsetting and I hate it- makes me shake. How dreadful to be bullied like that when you have a legitimate badge and disability.

I wish you could have reported him and shamed him for approaching you in that way and blocking your exit. Horrible nasty man, thank goodness someone else came to help you.

For what it’s worth OP, I have EDS too although not as badly as you. I’ve had various issues all my life with it but didn’t realise what it was until I saw a consultant for another issue and I was sent for testing and then it all made sense.

EDS it’s not a easily seen by others so they assume you have nothing wrong unless you are wheelchair bound. Having too much collagen is a total nightmare and I too look young, but my insides are like jelly and I’m getting really now weak as I age.

Having a connective tissue disorder is absolutely crap. I’m sorry to read you have EDS so badly. But when people see you walking, they assume you’re fine - just like this miserable man did.

My daughter has it too, she is 16 and already has diagnosed problems with constant hip subluxation. So I really empathise with you OP. I hope you and your family get good support from the NHS and other services.

I agree that this idiot just wanted to bully you. Bet he wouldn’t do it to a man though eh? That’s what makes me so cross 😡 he picked on you because you were female, young looking and an easy target.

I hope you feel better soon about it. You did nothing wrong at all. There are just oodles of ignorant twats out there and he’s one of them. It’s him being a fool and a tool, not you. Treat yourself to something nice and don’t give him any more headspace. Sending you flowers 💐 and tea 🫖

He shouldn't have shouted at you but I can understand his frustration if he thought you were misusing a badge. We are challenged all the time as the badge belongs to our daughter so if, for example I am parking somewhere to go pick her up, people see me getting out of the car and challenge me for misuse. I simply politely explain and move on. I can't get upset that people actually care about badge misuse as it is often the reason we can't get parked.

I know not all disabilities are visible, but do think the scheme has been extended too far and should be focused on mobility issues (intermittent or not).

I have friends with children with autism. The badge means it is far safer for them to go out. They campaigned for a long time to be considered for blue badges and I'm glad they have it.

@MintyMabel

He shouldn't have shouted at you but I can understand his frustration if he thought you were misusing a badge. We are challenged all the time as the badge belongs to our daughter so if, for example I am parking somewhere to go pick her up, people see me getting out of the car and challenge me for misuse. I simply politely explain and move on. I can't get upset that people actually care about badge misuse as it is often the reason we can't get parked.

It's not his place to challenge ANYONE. There are many hidden disabilities, and NO-ONE has the right to challenge ANYONE! Who the fuck does he think he is?! I wouldn't be 'politely' explaining to anyone who challenged me if I had a blue badge and a hidden disability, I would flat out tell them to fuck off.

@Mrgrinch

That means nothing, hardly anyone looks the age they actually are. Also if she was walking out of the pharmacy she would have had on a face covering which makes it even more difficult to tell a person's age.

Don't talk nonsense. Virtually EVERYONE looks their age (within 5 years either side of it.)

Sorry about typing the word EVERYONE in CAPS. I hope it doesn't offend your precious eyes too much.

@Calmandmeasured1

I appreciate lots of people have hidden disabilities but, if I thought you didn't look disabled and I checked your badge and found it wasn't yours, I would come to the conclusion that you were not disabled and cheating the system.

He was probably so fed up of people using disabled spaces when they aren't disabled and probably just lashed out angrily. I'd just let it go but be careful in future that you don't mix up badges. A traffic warden would give you a ticket for not displaying your valid badge (assuming it wasn't private land).

Just when I thought I'd read everything on here.

I don't think you 'appreciate' that lots of people have hidden disabilities at ALL. Or you would not have posted this drivel.

So it's OK to abuse someone verbally AND physically if you don't think they look disabled?! (AND he did abuse her physically, as he blocked her path with his walking stick,)

Honestly, people like you make me sick.

Next time this creature (who abused the OP,) picks on someone, they may be a lot less timid, and they may punch him in the face, knock him over, and leave him lying in a puddle. And I hope I'm there to see it.

@Coolieloach

I don’t think anyone has ‘screamed’ at you, why are you over reacting so much?

What a nasty post. As a pp said, how do YOU know? You weren't there. I 100% believe the OP.

Many disabilities are hidden, and not everyone who is disabled has a wheelchair. I can't believe some people are so obtuse and small-minded that they don't know this. 7% of nearly 800 posters on this thread are clearly obtuse and narrow-minded. (According the the poll result.)

As I said earlier, and a few other posters have said, this creature who attacked the OP would NEVER have said anything to a man. Bullies and cowards like him never do. They can only pick on women.

@MintyMabel

I know not all disabilities are visible, but do think the scheme has been extended too far and should be focused on mobility issues (intermittent or not).

I have friends with children with autism. The badge means it is far safer for them to go out. They campaigned for a long time to be considered for blue badges and I'm glad they have it.

It hasn't been extended too far, there are still plenty of people who miss out.

Next time OP just ignore people like this. Blue badges are not just given out willy nilly. You don't owe anyone any explanation.

As for using the wrong badge, the worst that could have happened is that a traffic warden would have come along and given you a fine that you would have had to have tried to get revoked.

And if someone blocks you in again, don't engage, take a picture of the registration plate and call the police.

He was a bullying arse.

I appreciate lots of people have hidden disabilities but, if I thought you didn't look disabled and I checked your badge and found it wasn't yours, I would come to the conclusion that you were not disabled and cheating the system

Who made you the blue badge police? On what grounds would you be checking badges. Unless you are a traffic warden, butt out of others peoples' business. THEY ARE NOT GIVEN OUT FOR SPURIOUS REASONS IT IS DIFFICULT TO GET ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And why do you think you get to decide the scheme has been extended too far @SunsetSenora? My son has a blue badge he has severe autism and severe learning disabilities has zero danger awareness and got a blue badge automatically has he gets High rate mobility due to his severe mental impairment ,he can run as fast as the wind straight under a car ....

*@littlepattilou

I don't think you 'appreciate' that lots of people have hidden disabilities at ALL. Or you would not have posted this drivel.
I do. In fact, we have a blue badge for our car for someone with a hidden disability and I know a number of people with hidden disabilities. I always challenge people at the local Tesco Express where so many people (without blue badges) park in the disabled bay. I am very much in favour of the rights of disabled people. However, I also appreciate that others, who may not know anyone with a hidden disability, lack that awareness and might assume someone without an obvious disability doesn't have one. I always try to look at and understand both sides of a story.

So it's OK to abuse someone verbally AND physically if you don't think they look disabled?! (AND he did abuse her physically, as he blocked her path with his walking stick,)
I didn't state it was acceptable at all but just trying to understand his anger and saying I wouldn't bother doing anything about it.

@redsquirrelfan

I appreciate lots of people have hidden disabilities but, if I thought you didn't look disabled and I checked your badge and found it wasn't yours, I would come to the conclusion that you were not disabled and cheating the system.

Who made you the blue badge police? On what grounds would you be checking badges. Unless you are a traffic warden, butt out of others peoples' business. THEY ARE NOT GIVEN OUT FOR SPURIOUS REASONS IT IS DIFFICULT TO GET ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not the blue badge police. I wouldn't be checking badges. I was referring to a hypothetical situation. I should have written 'someone' instead of 'I':

So, if someone thought you didn't look disabled and they checked your badge and found it wasn't yours, I can see how they would come to the conclusion that you were not disabled and cheating the system.

Not referring to the OP's situation here at all but just wondering f it would help if there were different colour badges for people with hidden disabilities?
Blue badges denoting physical disabilities.
Yellow badges for hidden disabilities.
Green badges for those who have both types of disability.

Some people seem to think that only the elderly or those in a wheel chi air can have a blue badge

It’s easy to say out him out of your mind, but please try.

He is ignorant and probably enjoys having a go at anyone he can

Horrible vile man. I’m in my 40s with a blue badge too. We all make mistakes. Nasty bastard.

And fuck off with your different coloured badges. Mind your own business. We have no obligation to explain ourselves to people sniffing about trying to trip up disabled people. People will abuse ANY system.

"Not referring to the OP's situation here at all but just wondering f it would help if there were different colour badges for people with hidden disabilities?
Blue badges denoting physical disabilities.
Yellow badges for hidden disabilities.
Green badges for those who have both types of disability."

Different coloured badges? Yellow badges? Are you serious??

Erm, NO.

These things are horrible. Men like that are so nasty and it can be very frightening.

I once had an experience where a man shouted at me for parking in what he said was a disabled space - it wasn’t! There was a sign saying “parking max 20 mins (for instance) or disabled parking max 1 hour” (or words to that effect). I was back well within the non disabled time.

There was a family of mum, dad and teenager parked in the exact same type of space, and he didn’t say a dickie bird to them. Just to me - the woman alone with two young children. Clearly he picked on me as I looked more vulnerable.

My point is that people like this are bullies, and it’s despicable. Try not to give it any more thought, you weren’t in the wrong. Even if you had been it wouldn’t be up to him to enforce!

just wondering f it would help if there were different colour badges for people with hidden disabilities?
Blue badges denoting physical disabilities.
Yellow badges for hidden disabilities.
Green badges for those who have both types of disability.

And what would that achieve? No one has to justify themselves to anyone else. A blue badge holder is a blue badge holder, it doesn't matter why and it's utterly abhorrent anyone would challenge or demand to know why they have it nevermind physically block or abuse them in anyway.

OP that man was a dick and dont waste anytime being upset over his behaviour. I've been challenged for parking in disabled bays when I've been out with my disabled DGM, people yelling at me because I was getting in the car alone... to drive closer to the building for her to get in because she couldn't walk to the car. Also been screamed at while putting my baby dd in the car by an elderly lady in the supermarket car park because she wanted the P&C bay I was in when the disabled bays were full, like i should have known an hour before they'd have filled up. Both times I casually walked away but appreciate that not everyone can do that in the moment.

My friend has a very visible disability, but only from the waist down. So pulling up to a disabled space in their fancy sports car and being a young person, they often get all manner of abuse. They ignore it, get out of the car, and sometimes the person being abusive realises their error, sometimes they are so full of their own self importance that they carry on with their rant regardless.
We have often discussed how old one has to be to accepted as disabled.
Anyway, being shouted at is horrible for anyone. And I don't know anyone who doesn't let a matter like this go around and around in their head afterwards and come up with all the good comebacks that they wish they had used at the time. You weren't in the wrong, and you are highly unlikely to see this chap again. I hope that you forget about it completely in time

It's not his place to challenge ANYONE. There are many hidden disabilities, and NO-ONE has the right to challenge ANYONE! Who the fuck does he think he is?! I wouldn't be 'politely' explaining to anyone who challenged me if I had a blue badge and a hidden disability, I would flat out tell them to fuck off.

Must be hard to live with so much rage.

No point in continuing a conflict. Talking to them politely generally means they back down. Responding in kind leads to an unseemly shouting match in the street. I prefer my way, and it works without me seething all day.

I can't get upset that people actually care about badge misuse as it is often the reason we can't get parked

Utter nonsense, there are always empty blue badge bays unless it's a very small car park anyway and generally you can park anywhere as long as you are not in a loading area with the marks on the pavement or causing an obstruction.

Talking to them politely generally means they back down

They don't deserve to be engaged with though. It's none of their business. I would just ignore. Of course in this case he made it difficult blocking the way with his stick and blocking the OP in, but it doesn't usually get that far, usually it's just a filthy look or rude comment (or both).

Nobody is owed a response to a question.

I have a relative with a blue badge who doesn't immediately look disabled but she doesn't seem to get hassled by rude nosey people, fortunately.

@grassisjeweled

Sexist too. He would not have done that to a man.

Yes, it's a middle aged to early retired male thing to have a go at younger women. They are also the ones who won't give way to you on the pavement, too.