Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Screamed at by a man this morning- I can’t stop thinking about it

204 replies

OwlBeThere · 01/02/2021 18:44

This morning I had to go and pick up prescriptions for myself, my mother, my sister and my daughter: 2 seperate pharmacies and I had limited time to do so. So I was flustered. I have a disability and as such have a blue badge, my mum also had one and for various reasons she and I share two cars.
I pulled up outside pharmacy 2 after already queuing for ages at pharmacy 1, put my badge on the dashboard and went to queue.
As I was walking a man wound down his window snd shouted ‘excuse me, are you disabled’ at me. I just looked at him said ‘yes’ and carried on walking.
As I came out of the pharmacy after collecting the prescriptions he had parked blocking me in and shouted at me ‘you’re not disabled, you should be ashamed’.
I was really embarrassed and I don’t cope well with men shouting at me, so I just said ‘I have a badge’ and tried to go around him to get into my car. Then he shoved his walking stick ON my car to block my way and said ‘that’s someone else’s badge’. I looked and I had accidentally put my mothers badge in the window. I said ‘oh I’m sorry I mixed them up, but mine is in the car’.
He was getting right up in my face and screaming that ‘kids’ like me should not be so entitled and all this stuff.
In the end another person came over and told to stop snd get back, covid rules etc.

I got in my car, and cried for about 15 mins, partly in shock and embarrassment and anger at myself for not sticking up for myself more/accidentally using the wrong badge.
I do look young, I’m forty, but my EDS that causes my disability means I have young looking skin etc and regularly get ID’d. But I also walk with an obvious limp.

I don’t even know what my AIBU is here, but I’m still turning over in my mind hours later whether his anger at my perceived lie was justified.

OP posts:
Bagelsandbrie · 01/02/2021 19:28

I’m so sorry this happened to you.

I have a blue badge and have hidden disabilities and I am so scared of being shouted at or moaned at that I never use my badge (I hardly go out as it is and the one supermarket I do go to always has spaces near the doors anyway- but it does stop me trying to go to busier places). It’s a horrible world in which to be disabled, especially with a hidden disability.

BaliB1 · 01/02/2021 19:29

@Calmandmeasured1 Hmm
He blocked a disabled woman into a space and shouted at her. I’d expect the police to have word with him, as much for his own safety as well as others.

Godimabitch · 01/02/2021 19:30

He was an arsehole. You did nothing wrong. Dont give him any more power over you. Treat yourself to something nice to eat, have a bath, read a nice book or watch a good film and leave him in the past

OnlyTheLangoftheTitBerg · 01/02/2021 19:30

Supportive gentle non-dislocating hug from one zebra to another. He’s an obnoxious judgemental arse, don’t let him take up any space in your head Flowers

RavingAnnie · 01/02/2021 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyDcAreMarvel · 01/02/2021 19:33

How did he know you accidentally used the wrong badge ? Your photo isn’t shown so I would have told him. Hope you ok.

MyDcAreMarvel · 01/02/2021 19:33

*would not

Cherrysoup · 01/02/2021 19:34

He sounds like an aggressive bully. Try not to worry about him, he’s an angry horrible person. You did the right thing not shouting back at him. There was a row over a disabled parking space near me a couple of years ago and the disabled person died when it got physical and she was pushed over. Shocking and all because she had a nice car. 🥲

ScreamingBeans · 01/02/2021 19:34

I appreciate lots of people have hidden disabilities but, if I thought you didn't look disabled and I checked your badge and found it wasn't yours, I would come to the conclusion that you were not disabled and cheating the system.

Would you also scream abusively in her face close up?

ItsnotTheNorm · 01/02/2021 19:35

How could he have known as the photo of the badge holder is the opposite side to the side you display

ItsnotTheNorm · 01/02/2021 19:35

He sounds horrible anyway but you shouldn’t have had to show anyone your badge unless it was a traffic warden or similar

ScreamingBeans · 01/02/2021 19:35

@Calmandmeasured1

YANBU. He sounds horrible. Can you report him to police? Report him for what? What crime has he committed?
It's a hate crime to harass a person with a disability.

He harassed her.

Did you get his car registration? If so, you can report him for disability harassment.

ScreamingBeans · 01/02/2021 19:36

He wouldn't have done this to a man by the way.

Because he'd have known a man might lamp him one.

TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet · 01/02/2021 19:36

I’m not sure how he knew the badge was your mother’s, he shouldn’t have been able to see the photo if it was displayed correctly.

BlankTimes · 01/02/2021 19:37

One woman even stood in the disabled space and waved her arms at me like a windmill shouting 'it's a disabled space'. hmm. God knows how she tells who's disabled by just seeing their head and shoulders

I'd have yelled 'Move or I'll run you over' and inched towards her very slowly.

My adult DD has a BB, had it since she was 14 but most of the time has no mobility aids or any visible clue that she's disabled. I'm touching a lot of wood whilst I type this, but we've never once been challenged for using a BB space or a P+C space and displaying the BB when all the BB spaces are full.

I have thought about being challenged as I've heard so many different accounts from people being upset by it and thought one of these stickers to put on the car would maybe stop it in its tracks, but she's absolutely certain she doesn't want to advertise the fact she's disabled. If we are ever challenged, I'll deal with it, she however will be traumatised by it for a long time. Sad

Screamed at by a man this morning- I can’t stop thinking about it
dailybriefing · 01/02/2021 19:37

How did he know it wasn't your badge? Did you display it upside down?

B33Fr33 · 01/02/2021 19:38

Whether or not someone is justified in their anger (he didn't check the facts and then persisted in refusing to be reasoned with so he wasn't - what an arse) but anyway that's irrelevant. His response to his anger was completely out of control and unjustified as well as being disproportionate. He's totally in the wrong. You would have been entirely justified in summoning security for the site of turning a camera on him. He harassed someone using a parking space for private information. Tell the next one to get to fuck.

wintermoths · 01/02/2021 19:38

I really dislike people like this. They never know what is going on in someone else's lives and that spewing their bile on strangers could really be the final straw for someone who is already really struggling.

Try to remember that his bile spewing is all about his issues, and not about you at all.

Flowers
DayBath · 01/02/2021 19:38

Agree @ScreamingBeans

He also brandished a 'weapon' in a threatening manner. People don't realise how much the definition of weapon is open to interpretation by the police. A walking stick certainly counts if it was raised up towards her to prevent her from moving past.

Pumpkinpied · 01/02/2021 19:38

@dailybriefing your month and year of birth are in the badge’s number.

dailybriefing · 01/02/2021 19:39

@ravingannie how disgusting to use such a disablist word in a thread about disablism

Cactuslockdown · 01/02/2021 19:40

I’m sorry that happened to you OP, that’s horrible Flowers that would have upset me too

mineofuselessinformation · 01/02/2021 19:41

OP, the perfect comeback is 'if you think I'm doing anything wrong, feel free to report me'.
I've had this (dc2 is disabled).
I'm sorry this happened to you. Don't let one arsehole ruin your life.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/02/2021 19:43

I know what I’d have liked to have done with that stick.Angry

Had you been a 6ft tall rugby player he wouldn’t have opened his mouth, I guarantee it. That’s a pathetic bully for you though.

DayBath · 01/02/2021 19:43

OP, you should print this thread out, laminate it, and stick it to all the lamp posts around the chemist where he confronted you, let him see what people really think of him!! Grin