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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Screamed at by a man this morning- I can’t stop thinking about it

204 replies

OwlBeThere · 01/02/2021 18:44

This morning I had to go and pick up prescriptions for myself, my mother, my sister and my daughter: 2 seperate pharmacies and I had limited time to do so. So I was flustered. I have a disability and as such have a blue badge, my mum also had one and for various reasons she and I share two cars.
I pulled up outside pharmacy 2 after already queuing for ages at pharmacy 1, put my badge on the dashboard and went to queue.
As I was walking a man wound down his window snd shouted ‘excuse me, are you disabled’ at me. I just looked at him said ‘yes’ and carried on walking.
As I came out of the pharmacy after collecting the prescriptions he had parked blocking me in and shouted at me ‘you’re not disabled, you should be ashamed’.
I was really embarrassed and I don’t cope well with men shouting at me, so I just said ‘I have a badge’ and tried to go around him to get into my car. Then he shoved his walking stick ON my car to block my way and said ‘that’s someone else’s badge’. I looked and I had accidentally put my mothers badge in the window. I said ‘oh I’m sorry I mixed them up, but mine is in the car’.
He was getting right up in my face and screaming that ‘kids’ like me should not be so entitled and all this stuff.
In the end another person came over and told to stop snd get back, covid rules etc.

I got in my car, and cried for about 15 mins, partly in shock and embarrassment and anger at myself for not sticking up for myself more/accidentally using the wrong badge.
I do look young, I’m forty, but my EDS that causes my disability means I have young looking skin etc and regularly get ID’d. But I also walk with an obvious limp.

I don’t even know what my AIBU is here, but I’m still turning over in my mind hours later whether his anger at my perceived lie was justified.

OP posts:
TalbotAMan · 01/02/2021 19:44

Just put it behind you. You were in the right and he's a stupid idiot.

When DW and I were younger (pre-DC, sporty car), we'd pull into a disabled bay and get funny looks from people, which got worse as I hopped out . . . then went to the back of the car, opened the boot and started getting her wheelchair out, at which point they pretended not to have looked at all. True, we never got any aggravation like that, though me being six foot and all may have had something to do with it.

RavingAnnie · 01/02/2021 19:44

[quote dailybriefing]@ravingannie how disgusting to use such a disablist word in a thread about disablism [/quote]
Apologies I didn't know that was ableist and where the last bit of that word came from. I am disabled myself and wouldn't knowingly use ableist words. I've reported my own post to get it removed.

iusedtohavechickens · 01/02/2021 19:47

Don't worry about it, he is the one who feels entitled if he had to go around upsetting other people!

My dd is disabled and I get this all the time, apparently I am a stupid mother who thinks when all the kids spaces are full then I feel I'm entitled to use a much needed disabled bay! (Actually screamed at me across a car park!) in fairness I will always take a child space if ones free. I went to cash machine and as I walked into the shop the lady was stood there waiting for me! I had all 3 of my children with me and she started shouting at me. I stood and let her finish then pointed to the tube in my daughters throat and asked her if she would also like me to cut open her chest so she could examine the 3 holes in her heart too? She went bright red and apologetic and said sorry I thought you were one of those mothers?! Honestly it pisses me off that people feel so entitled that they have to try and embarrass people.

Please don't worry yourself over this stupid old man, you know your entitled to use the space xx

AdoraBell · 01/02/2021 19:47

Sorry you were subjected to that aggressive idiot. For now just try to forget him and concentrate on the other person who stepped in.

If anyone else does this to you again then do what littlepattilou suggested.

TreacleHart · 01/02/2021 19:47

I hope you are feeling ok now , it must have been very upsetting.

AnneElliott · 01/02/2021 19:49

Oh I kept moving @BlankTimes. Made it Crystal clear we were parking in the space whether she moved or not.

She sort of slunk off when my friend got her legs out. I generally say 'please report me if you think I'm doing something wrong'.

I do feel for people with hidden disabilities- people should mind their own business.

Dogatetheleftovers · 01/02/2021 19:50

He sounds like a complete bully. What a horrible man. I’m sorry you were so upset. I’ve had this before where people make judgements about you for having a blue badge. Disabilities come in all forms and he should be thankful that he doesn’t have to even consider this if he’s well and able. Please try to see it as his problem, not yours. Be kind to yourself. You sound like a really helpful, thoughtful person helping out your family. Have a nice evening and try not to give him another thought. 💐

shoebedo434 · 01/02/2021 19:50

i'm so sorry to hear this, i hope you are feeling better now
my son has a disabled badge which i only use when he is with me but i still see people looking at me obviously thinking she's not disabled. i haven't had anyone say anything yet but am ready for them when they do. don't be afraid to stick up for yourself, in my experience people often back down when you confront them. x

Stovetopespresso · 01/02/2021 19:53

how awful for you OP please don't let it affect you in any way Flowers

GrandTheftWalrus · 01/02/2021 19:54

I hate reading these threads as they make me so sad and angry. I couldn't care less who used spaces and I certainly wouldn't decide if someone looked disabled or not.

TeddysTigerEyes · 01/02/2021 19:57

What a nasty pasty! It’s over and done with now and you can’t change what that horrible pathetic little creature felt entitled to do to you. Please try to let it go and know that the next time a stranger takes issue with you, you tell them to bugger off.

Coolieloach · 01/02/2021 19:58

I don’t think anyone has ‘screamed’ at you, why are you over reacting so much?

CharlotteRose90 · 01/02/2021 19:58

Threads like these anger me so much. I have hidden disability’s Aswell and I’ve been told so many times that I don’t look disabled. My response is always the same which is tell that to my insides and my brain then. Honestly you did better then me. If he’d blocked me in with a stick I would have thrown the stick to the floor and got in my car. People are nasty these days and never change.

TopTabby · 01/02/2021 20:04

I'm sorry this happened, he sounds awful & aggressive. All while you were doing favours for others too.
It all feels massive now & is all you can think of. It literally fills your mind.
Tomorrow it will feel a bit smaller & each day afterwards it will get even smaller. You won't forget it but you will be able to deal with it. He is, & always will be, a small minded bully who is woefully out of touch with non visible disabilities. Have a few retorts ready but hopefully this won't happen to you againBrew

Closetbeanmuncher · 01/02/2021 20:12

He needs that stick ramming up his arsehole.

Twat.

ScreamingBeans · 01/02/2021 20:16

@Coolieloach

I don’t think anyone has ‘screamed’ at you, why are you over reacting so much?
Don't you? Were you there? I usually err on the side of thinking the person who is telling me about something that happened to them, is probably better informed about the incident than I am, but perhaps I'm just very conservative.
PermanentlyDizzy · 01/02/2021 20:17

I am so sorry you went through that OP. He sounds like a bitter, horrible person and has absolutely no right to be policing disabled parking spaces. Having a walking stick doesn’t give him some sort of priority over others who don’t.

I think I would have reacted in the same way as you, as I don’t do well with confrontation. Not to mention, the stress and being made to stand there would have kicked off an adrenaline reaction that would have made me ill for days afterwards - of course he wouldn’t see that though, so I can’t possibly be disabled. Angry

My son and I both have EDS and PoTS (my son is very badly affected and has been to unwell to attend education for the last three and half years). I haven’t applied for a blue badge for this very reason. I know I couldn’t handle the judgements and confrontation from people who refuse to understand that not all disabilities are visible. I get by not having one for myself, but not having one for my son causes us no end of problems and prior to Covid we used to have to call in favours to get to hospital appointments and A&E (regular occurrence) because I couldn’t park near the entrance, he’s too big for me to support him when trying to walk these days and I can’t leave him unattended in the car while I fetch a wheelchair. At the hospital we are currently under, not having a disabled badge results in a 10-15 minute walk from one of the furthest away carparks, which very often either one or both of us can’t manage.

My mum also has EDS, as well as severe osteo and rheumatoid arthritis, heart failure and AF, but we’ve been challenged more than once when she has parked using her blue badge and that put me off applying for one for myself and/or my son, as if she isn’t ‘disabled enough’ to avoid the nastiness, we’re pretty much guaranteed a challenge almost every time we try to park.

I think a lot of the problems are caused when there aren’t enough disabled parking spaces. Outside our local shops there is one spot, near the pharmacy, but ironically not the actually closest spaces in the carpark. The shops are near the GP surgery, but not close enough to walk down if you have a disability, so every person that needs to collect a prescription, drives down after their appointment and expects to be able to access the single disabled parking spot. The inevitable results is a lot of frustration and anger and people assuming other’s aren’t as entitled as they are to park there.

Mum has given up collecting her own prescriptions now and sends my dad on his own instead.

MrsClatterbuck · 01/02/2021 20:20

How did he know it wasn't your badge. Do you put it with the photo showing as I thought it had to be the other way round. At least that's the way I put my mum's badge on the dashboard.
Hope you are ok Flowers

Mrgrinch · 01/02/2021 20:26

He was an arsehole but tbh I think you're overreacting.

How did he know it wasn't yours? The photo faces down so he wouldn't have seen it

sage46 · 01/02/2021 20:28

Sorry that you had this idiot shouting at you, life is hard enough as it is right now.

MrsClatterbuck · 01/02/2021 20:29

Fortunately I have never been accosted using one with my mum as shebus over 90 but sometimes when I was taking her shopping and there were no spaces I would park as close as I could in an ordinary space and she would go into the shops as she could manage a bit with a trolley instead of a rollater. I would go back after a while to see if I could get a space and was always a bit wary of someone maybe challenging me. It was more having the space to open the door wide as well as being nearer the shops.

DumplingsAndStew · 01/02/2021 20:30

FOR THOSE WHO CAN'T/DON'T READ

THE SERIAL NUMBER ON THE FRONT OF THE BADGE SHOWS THE DATE OF BIRTH OF THE PERSON IT BELONGS TO.

Bumpsadaisie · 01/02/2021 20:30

You poor thing.

Even if he was right and you were an out an out piss taker ... (which you are clearly not!) there is still no excuse for this kind of threatening behaviour.

Don't let it put you off going out and doing your thing. There are idiots everywhere.

TheGonnagle · 01/02/2021 20:32

Sending you a careful squeeze from one zebra to another. Sorry he was such a massive twat.

Mrgrinch · 01/02/2021 20:34

@DumplingsAndStew

FOR THOSE WHO CAN'T/DON'T READ

THE SERIAL NUMBER ON THE FRONT OF THE BADGE SHOWS THE DATE OF BIRTH OF THE PERSON IT BELONGS TO.

Ew lose the attitude. Nobody cares if you type in caps.

That means nothing, hardly anyone looks the age they actually are. Also if she was walking out of the pharmacy she would have had on a face covering which makes it even more difficult to tell a person's age.

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