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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not accept these demands?

359 replies

UnicornAndSparkles · 31/01/2021 15:19

AIBU?

MiL and FiL have offered to form a childcare bubble with us, so long as they have had both covid jabs, in order to look after DD aged 3 when I go into hospital to have her sibling in a few months time. A very kind offer.

But today we've woken up to a string of requests of how they intend to do this. 1) they cannot stay in our spare room as the (standard sized) double bed is too small for both of them and will need to use our own bedroom along with the spare so they each have a bed. MiL is approx a size 10 and FiL is underweight so they're not big people needing a lot of sleeping space, i would think. We have a house with only 1 spare (guest) room. Why can't they share? I'd really rather not have one of them sleep in my bed, not least at it'll mean DH (6ft 2, large build) sleeping on the sofa if he returns from hospital late evening/during the night. Plus it would be an upheaval to have to wash and dry 2 sets of bedding (spare and our room) when I've just come out of hospital after having a baby. 2) alternatively they will have DD at their house but will not be able to take her to preschool on the 3 days a week she normally attends as its "too far to drive" (30 min drive from their house, 2 min from ours). We are reluctant to change her routine as she is about to have a huge upheaval with an new baby, and she loves and feels secure at preschool. Plus its open 7.30am to 6.30pm so would give MiL and FiL a days break from parenting her, if I were to be in hospital on a preschool day. Plus we have a cat that we would ask them to feed, enroute to preschool 2x a day, but they wouldn't be able to if they were at their house and unwilling to make the journey to and from preschool 3) they would like us to ensure there are meals prepared for them in the fridge to simply heat up. Obviously we will do our best to ensure everything they need is there but I can't help thinking meals in the fridge is a bit excessive?! I've no idea when I will go into labour so am unable to prepare things "just incase". Can't they cook or get a takeaway? Obviously I will leave meals prepared for DD as we have a supply of those always in the freezer, but to do the same for my inlaws is surely a bit much, considering we will need as much freezer space for our own batch cooked meals so that I dont have to cook every night when I've just given birth?!

Is this unreasonable?! Or am I being unreasonable?!

Our alternative is my parents, who are desperate to help out, but won't have had a second covid jab by due date and I'm reluctant to put them at unnecessary risk. MiL and FiL have their second jab booked 3 weeks before due date, so the risk to them from DD and us will be minimal. Our next alternative is me having the baby in hospital alone and DH staying at home to look after DD. Which sounds less hassle than having my PiL atm!

OP posts:
Cheesybiscuits01 · 31/01/2021 15:30

I would tell them to piss off! Have your own parents if they are happy to do it. You can reduce their risk by taking your older one out of pre-school for 2 weeks before and the time you are going to need their help. I know it's not ideal but no way would I be giving into that list of demands.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/01/2021 15:32

Are they crazy? Hell no to their insane demands. Use your parents. Don't waste another minute thinking about it.

Santaiscovidfree · 31/01/2021 15:33

Is your home 5 *and they are mistaking it for a hotel? Room bloody each!! I would bubble up with your dps instead..

UnicornAndSparkles · 31/01/2021 15:33

But I won't know when I'll be giving birth, so when do I start the two weeks out of preschool? Last baby arrived at 39 weeks but this one could be 36 or 42.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 31/01/2021 15:34

Why would they both need to come?
How long are they expecting to stay for?
If they come they can stay in the spare room and not take over the whole house

HugeAckmansWife · 31/01/2021 15:34

Well, it's a bit OTT but surely your dh can deal with the bedding and buy few nice ready meals for the fridge? Him sleeping on the sofa is up to him to agree to or not really. It's a pain but compared to the upheaval of your DD going to theirs and being away from her familiar things and places at a time of change for her anyway, it's the better option. To be honest, the bulk of the hassle will fall tp your dh, or should, so let him deal with it

UnicornAndSparkles · 31/01/2021 15:34

Im really worried about the risk with my parents as they won't have had covid jab 2 and are due to have the Oxford jab for their first, which I've read isn't a v high effectiveness for 1 jab. And my father is high risk, and mother doesn't drive, so its both or neither unfortunately

OP posts:
Chatterpie · 31/01/2021 15:35

They are being absolutely ridiculous.

What does DH think?

UnicornAndSparkles · 31/01/2021 15:35

Also, they won't eat ready meals or fast food, hence the no take aways. Hugely health conscious.

OP posts:
iklboo · 31/01/2021 15:36

That's barmy! What's your DH said?

dementedpixie · 31/01/2021 15:37

I wouldn't be giving up my own bed for anyone

Merryoldgoat · 31/01/2021 15:37

Honestly just say ‘no thanks’.

They sound ridiculous. Do you have your parents close who could help? Or a friend who would help in the day time? I would help a friend in this way zero problem.

Petitmum · 31/01/2021 15:38

Why can't you just leave dd with pil at their house while you are giving birth?

Silenceisgolden20 · 31/01/2021 15:39

Wow. Are they royalty or something??

Flackattack · 31/01/2021 15:39

Nope nope nope! This isn’t helpful. This is stressful. Talk to your parents.

WaterBottle123 · 31/01/2021 15:39

Just ask a friend to help out? Or several on a rota?

Ch3rish · 31/01/2021 15:39

Why are you even considering having them, I'd go to hospital by myself rather than get involved in any of their nonsense.

WaterBottle123 · 31/01/2021 15:40

COVID rates will be HUGELY down in a few months, use friends and maybe a cleaner if you have funds?

SmurfetteBlue · 31/01/2021 15:40

I would consider a home birth. They are barmy and having them in your bubble will stress you out. If it's already stressing you out before baby has arrived, then just imagine how much worse it will be when you are due to give birth.

dementedpixie · 31/01/2021 15:40

Are you expecting to be in hospital for a while? I'm sure they will be shipping everyone back home as soon as possible after birth

Cherrysoup · 31/01/2021 15:41

Don’t you see how completely insane their demands are?! You’ll have had a baby, you might not be physically able to do much. No way should they be using 2 rooms in your house and having meals prepared. Aren’t they meant to be helping you, not you them?? Presumably your dh gets paternity leave? He’ll have to use it to juggle everything.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 31/01/2021 15:41

if they don't share a bed (or room) at home, perfectly reasonable that they don't want to when staying at yours to do you a favour.

Cantrecall · 31/01/2021 15:42

Stressing you out before they even arrive isn’t helpful of them; are they just trying to be so difficult that they end up not having to help do you think? I would be having your parents to help even with the vaccine considerations

dementedpixie · 31/01/2021 15:42

Of course its unreasonable to dictate how many rooms they will use in someone else's house. Why do they both need to come anyway?

Silenceisgolden20 · 31/01/2021 15:43

Yes why do they need to stay over? Surely they'll only need to look after her while you're in labour? Can this be done at their house?

I would ask someone else. Have they always been like this?
Demanding food in the fridge is crazy... let alone wanting your bed Shock