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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not accept these demands?

359 replies

UnicornAndSparkles · 31/01/2021 15:19

AIBU?

MiL and FiL have offered to form a childcare bubble with us, so long as they have had both covid jabs, in order to look after DD aged 3 when I go into hospital to have her sibling in a few months time. A very kind offer.

But today we've woken up to a string of requests of how they intend to do this. 1) they cannot stay in our spare room as the (standard sized) double bed is too small for both of them and will need to use our own bedroom along with the spare so they each have a bed. MiL is approx a size 10 and FiL is underweight so they're not big people needing a lot of sleeping space, i would think. We have a house with only 1 spare (guest) room. Why can't they share? I'd really rather not have one of them sleep in my bed, not least at it'll mean DH (6ft 2, large build) sleeping on the sofa if he returns from hospital late evening/during the night. Plus it would be an upheaval to have to wash and dry 2 sets of bedding (spare and our room) when I've just come out of hospital after having a baby. 2) alternatively they will have DD at their house but will not be able to take her to preschool on the 3 days a week she normally attends as its "too far to drive" (30 min drive from their house, 2 min from ours). We are reluctant to change her routine as she is about to have a huge upheaval with an new baby, and she loves and feels secure at preschool. Plus its open 7.30am to 6.30pm so would give MiL and FiL a days break from parenting her, if I were to be in hospital on a preschool day. Plus we have a cat that we would ask them to feed, enroute to preschool 2x a day, but they wouldn't be able to if they were at their house and unwilling to make the journey to and from preschool 3) they would like us to ensure there are meals prepared for them in the fridge to simply heat up. Obviously we will do our best to ensure everything they need is there but I can't help thinking meals in the fridge is a bit excessive?! I've no idea when I will go into labour so am unable to prepare things "just incase". Can't they cook or get a takeaway? Obviously I will leave meals prepared for DD as we have a supply of those always in the freezer, but to do the same for my inlaws is surely a bit much, considering we will need as much freezer space for our own batch cooked meals so that I dont have to cook every night when I've just given birth?!

Is this unreasonable?! Or am I being unreasonable?!

Our alternative is my parents, who are desperate to help out, but won't have had a second covid jab by due date and I'm reluctant to put them at unnecessary risk. MiL and FiL have their second jab booked 3 weeks before due date, so the risk to them from DD and us will be minimal. Our next alternative is me having the baby in hospital alone and DH staying at home to look after DD. Which sounds less hassle than having my PiL atm!

OP posts:
dreaming174 · 02/02/2021 10:42

They're not really helping you out are they?
I can't beliiieeeevvveee they asked you to cook for them! With a toddler and about to give birth! I am totally shocked by that. I would be saying no and finding aaaanyyy other arrangement.

timeisnotaline · 02/02/2021 11:28

I would want my dh with me. I wouldn’t have coped either time without him, so I’d send dd to theirs. There is no way I would be having them over using both bedrooms and having me preparing them meals though!!

Beline4u · 02/02/2021 12:26

This is extreme! Seriously... Why do they offer and then hand out unrealistic demands! Sod that..
This is shocking!! Simply place YOUR boundaries and YOUR requirements. Taking your bed AND the spare room, that's just selfish! I get it's a pandemic, but if your parents are willing to do a bubble surely they're the best options.

cherish123 · 02/02/2021 18:51

@lovelyissues grandparents are allowed to babysit but not stay over. Friends are not.

@chanandlerbong01 child would not be alone. She has a father who can look after her.

Doradoroteja · 02/02/2021 19:10

I agree with what others have said. Can you afford a temporary nanny to help with the transition and then say to the in-laws they are welcome to come and help, but will need to drive there daily. Companies like Thetemporarynanny.com are excellent and not too expensive and specialise in things like this.

LovelyIssues · 02/02/2021 20:19

@cherish123 and if they have no grandparents?! You can create a childcare bubble with anyone. Not just grandparents Confused

Anele22 · 03/02/2021 10:03

Staying at your house will be uncomfortable for them and they obviously like more space to sleep. Let them have your daughter at their house where they will be more at home and can sort their own meals. Honestly it's not that great sleeping in someone else's house when you're older and like your own routine.

Why can't your partner pick her up and take her to pre-school? And feed the cats on the way. He doesn't need to be by your bed the whole time. Unless he's your mid-wife.

Chanandlerbong01 · 08/02/2021 00:07

@cherish123 she does have a father, but he might be at the hospital whilst op is giving birth. Having grandparents look after a child is no different to friends for some people.

jakeyboy1 · 08/02/2021 00:18

Buy some awful tinned stews. Tip into Tupperware. Tell them you batch cooked Grin

Tell them your waters broke in bed.

That should sort it.

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