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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Love my house but neighbours are watching us

202 replies

Isitevapornot · 30/01/2021 13:21

Moved into my house two years ago, we’re renting, late twenties. Love our house, it’s perfect for us — if we could afford to we would buy it. The only problem is with one set of neighbours. We get on well with one side, but the other just watches us. If we are in the garden they will mutter under their breath and huff, so we don’t go in the garden anymore. If I’m putting the bins out they stand and stare at the window. Every time we return home from the shops, they watch us through the curtains and hide whenever we see them.

It makes me really uncomfortable and I’m not sure what to do about it - I’m worried speaking to them about it would make it worse!

Would you move?

YABU - No

YANBU - Yes

OP posts:
BonnieDundee · 30/01/2021 13:22

I'm not sure. When they watch you could then wave and smile and say hello or are they too intimidating for that?

seepingweeping · 30/01/2021 13:23

Big wave, flash a nip by accident and they will stop watching

Original poster
Isitevapornot · 30/01/2021 13:23

They are very intimidating

OP posts:
justanotherneighinparadise · 30/01/2021 13:24

I agree! Big cheery wave every time. .

purplecorkheart · 30/01/2021 13:25

Call them out on it. If they mutter under their breath ask them to repeat themselves. Go out in the garden and give them a cheery wave, likewise when you return to from the shops. Honestly, I would not take it personally. It sounds like they have little else to do.

ChelseaCat · 30/01/2021 13:25

Personally I think you just need to crack on. I can understand why it might make you uncomfortable but you aren’t doing anything particularly exciting so does it really matter if they watch you put the bins out?

I mean this nicely! I just think life is too short - if the house is perfect otherwise then I don’t think it’s a big deal. I’m sure they’ll get bored of you sooner or later 😉

FloppyFlipper · 30/01/2021 13:26

Smile and wave, dont let a couple of bored nosy parkers ruin your life.they think they are important but they are not. If you feel intimidated or they harass you ask the local police for advice.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 30/01/2021 13:27

My neighbours are awful on one side, delightful on the other.

Every time you hear a huff or a tut, shout a breezy good morning. Every time they stare from the window give a cheery wave.

Kill it with kindness. Even if inside you are calling them knobby arseholes and are raising them a rigid digit.

Or blank them totally, enjoy your garden and flaunt your bin with pride.

I have a face that unconsciously would curdle milk. The awful neighbours are left in no doubt what I think of them. The face has said it before my mouth has opened.

B33Fr33 · 30/01/2021 13:27

Id be giving them big waves and asking what they said with a big smile until they learned to be friendly in return or stopped the weird.

CakeRequired · 30/01/2021 13:27

Ignore them. Wave when they are watching, everytime. If they start muttering outside, put headphones on or even better, just play some music (not blaring loud but loud enough to drown them out). Nothing they can do about any of that.

Bargebill19 · 30/01/2021 13:28

Another vote for big over the top waving. Shout a cheery hello if they mutter over the fence.
It really really annoys them, for some reason they do think they are invisible. When they realise they aren’t, they either stop or become civilised. Ignoring them means nothing changes.

nitsandwormsdodger · 30/01/2021 13:28

Unless they are achual serial killers who have hoard of ex neighbours buried under their patio , what exactly are you intimidated by ? what frightening thing do you think they will do ?

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2021 13:29

If we are in the garden they will mutter under their breath and huff, so we don’t go in the garden anymore

That's the most ridiculous thing I've read today unless there's going to be a drip-feed about how you don't like the garden anyway, or they threatened you?

Theunamedcat · 30/01/2021 13:29

I would leave if I could but I've spent years hiding in my house from my druggy neighbours this year I reclaimed my garden plants barbecue actually using it turning the music up when his dog barked his furry arse off down when it shut up

CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/01/2021 13:30

You are describing them as scary and allowing them to intimidate out of your own garden because they look at you and talk quietly?

Buck up! Stare back, smile, wave, say hello!

And use your own bloody garden...

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 30/01/2021 13:30

Nip flashing 🤣

EstuaryBird · 30/01/2021 13:31

Are they young, old? A couple?

When you say intimidating how do you mean?

We lived in a Ground floor flat with an older single woman in the flat above....we were aware that she used to observe us - and everyone else in the road. When she died they found piles of notebooks with every single thing that happened written down, timed and dated....and I mean every single thing, even if she heard one of us fart or sneeze 😳😳.

The Executor told us they were burned but I’m never totally sure!

user194729573 · 30/01/2021 13:32

@Isitevapornot

They are very intimidating
How so?

they watch us through the curtains and hide whenever we see them

That sounds the opposite of intimidating to me.

Taikoo · 30/01/2021 13:33

Sorry, what age are these people?

tensmum1964 · 30/01/2021 13:33

Ive had neighbours like this. I lived in the same house for 10 years. Yheir odd ness didnt escalate it was just almost exactly how you describe it. We just got used to it and ignored it. Whatever you do don't play in to their weird behaviour. Carry on as if they don't exist.

BonnieDundee · 30/01/2021 13:35

@EstuaryBird that is disturbing Shock

Lucieintheskye · 30/01/2021 13:35

Do a big wave when you know they're looking. If you live with your partner do some serious PDA somewhere they can see. Stick some paper to your back when you put the bins out saying something like 'Fuck off you nosy knobs'

HotPenguin · 30/01/2021 13:37

You say they are muttering, perhaps they are just continuing their conversation more quietly so that you don't overhear? What makes you think there is some threatening or sinister in them speaking quietly?

Likewise perhaps they like looking out the window, what makes you think they are staring at you in particular? My sink is by a window overlooking the road so I'm often looking out at what my neighbours are doing, I hope they don't think I have them under surveillance.

TheFlis12345 · 30/01/2021 13:37

We hate our downstairs neighbours as they are selfish arseholes, and they hate us as we mentioned to our landlord that they were doing something illegal and dangerous to the building, and he reported them to the council who put a stop to it. They refuse to speak to us and just ignore us or glare, so we make a point of saying an enthusiastic hello whenever we see them. They must hate that their small kids now exuberantly reply! Grin

Plmoknijb123 · 30/01/2021 13:38

I would move. All this fake niceness just seems tiring and annoying. Just go somewhere where you feel comfortable and can be yourself without fake happy hellos all the time

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