Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

Love my house but neighbours are watching us

202 replies

Isitevapornot · 30/01/2021 13:21

Moved into my house two years ago, we’re renting, late twenties. Love our house, it’s perfect for us — if we could afford to we would buy it. The only problem is with one set of neighbours. We get on well with one side, but the other just watches us. If we are in the garden they will mutter under their breath and huff, so we don’t go in the garden anymore. If I’m putting the bins out they stand and stare at the window. Every time we return home from the shops, they watch us through the curtains and hide whenever we see them.

It makes me really uncomfortable and I’m not sure what to do about it - I’m worried speaking to them about it would make it worse!

Would you move?

YABU - No

YANBU - Yes

OP posts:

partypooperforever · 31/01/2021 19:10

Perhaps they are voyeurs

Gilly12345 · 31/01/2021 19:15

I big wave or a cheery hello normally does the trick, always smile, wave, call out to them “what good weather it is” etc. Just be friendly and make an obvious point that you have noticed the curtain twitching.

Forgottenwhatsleepis · 31/01/2021 19:17

I don't think you should move, but I don't think your feelings are unreasonable. The sarcastic cow in me would wave cheerfully at them. Every. Single. Time. 🤣

Twowilldo50 · 31/01/2021 19:23

Do they have neighbours on the other side and do those neighbours feel the same as you?

GreySkyClouds · 31/01/2021 19:30

When the weather gets warmer, start wearing a bikini in the garden :)

Imapotato · 31/01/2021 19:41

@CatAndHisKit

one lady who stole my cat and then sent me a weird letter written as if the cat had Written it telling me how happy he was in his new home!!

that's hilarious! But did you get your cat back, imapotato?

No! She moved house and took him with her!!

I actually saw her not long after and confronted her about. She proceeded to cry hysterically and tell me how her life was falling apart and she couldn’t bare to be without him. I let her keep him, she obviously needed him more than me! I missed him though, he was an awesome cat.

yogi1 · 31/01/2021 19:42

My neighbours are the same. I’m a single parent since last jan. the neighbours on the left side are fine but on the right and directly opposite are a pain in the arse and complete nosy Parker’s. They wanted a friend of theirs to move in which made it worse. My 10 yr old doesn’t open her blinds as opposite try to hide behind their curtain watching what she’s doing and I can’t open the kitchen blind , both at the front, as the neighbours opposite are hiding beside their curtain. The neighbour on the right just keeps going in the garden quietly whilst my 10 yr old and I are in the garden trying to listen. I even told my 10 yr old maybe we should start trying to learn another language. But the other day when it was snowing, my 10 yr old was in the garden playing and au went out then heard the obligatory creak of her backdoor so made a snowball and hit it up over the fence towards her with a tennis racquet, of course then blaming my child, quite loudly for doing it. She went straight back in closing her creaky door. Reading your post and others responses I probably would just wave then point and say hiya very loudly. Don’t think they would keep it up then. I know how annoying it is though.

Midshipmate · 31/01/2021 19:51

Seize the initiative! They're curious and wary of new neighbours they do not know. Naturally we can be suspicious of people who seem different to ourselves. Knock on their door one day soon and introduce yourselves (sociable distancing of course). Tell them you're liking the house and the neighbourhood. Tell them something about yourselves and that you want to be good neighbours. If they're rude then just apologise politely for disturbing them and wish them well. It seems risky putting yourselves "out there" but actually there's nothing to lose and everything to gain.

StoneofDestiny · 31/01/2021 19:58

Don't engage at all. Just ignore.
Enjoy your garden as it's meant to be. They've got issues - but it would probably be directed to anybody, not just you.

CatAndHisKit · 31/01/2021 20:06

imapotato oh dear! But at least you know she loves the cat and he's happy enough. Still, depending on how long you had him and how much dod he meant to you - not on, thankfully you wre not hugely attached to him (as many owners are) - ven thoug you miss him. Hope you've got a new cat.

godmum56 · 31/01/2021 20:27

I don't think that you are being unreasonable but I would urge you to own your space. As others have said, wave and smile or just ignore them. I do get that it can be stressful. neighbours (but not next door) did the obbo thing on me, never said hello, would glare if I met them and actually complained to the council about me. I won't lie, I was delighted when they moved but I wasn't able to move...I also thought well my other neighbours are ok here, and there is no guarantee at all of getting better neighbours by moving.

amispeakingenglish · 31/01/2021 20:32

We own, on oneside we have mentally challenged living in some sort of home, they have care workers going in who can be nice or not, sometimes they park badly taking up two hard to find spaces. On the other side 2 flats rented the bottom one to someone who is either running a brothel or has a lot of friends, especially noisy at night. Talking & laughing not music. Even in lockdowns. The noise disturbs my old sick dog who has not got long so not much sleep for us! I'd love to have nice neighbours. Only one flat and 3 houses in our little block are owner occupied.

amispeakingenglish · 31/01/2021 20:35

Forgot my 'advice' Like all the rest, big wave, smile, hellllooo....

Re cats, mine went to live next door at age 12 when the second baby proved too much for him. Well loved by the flat owner, who spoilt him rotten, they moved to a nice part of the country, he lived to be 19 and had kidney failure. I was happy for him in his new home at the time, a beautiful looking cat.. but he made the choice himself, he had tins of tuna there!!!

Scottsy100 · 31/01/2021 20:37

Send them a picture of you with a note saying “this will last longer weirdos”

Imapotato · 31/01/2021 20:40

@CatAndHisKit

I expect he’s long dead my now. He was 11 when she took him and it must be about 10 years ago now. I loved that cat, he was really cool, used to walk all the way down to the preschool every day with me and dd1 when she was small. I had him before I had kids. I did miss him, but he was always his own person and would go off for days at a time doing cat stuff. I mostly let her keep him as I was afraid she would do something drastic if I took him back!

I do have a new cat. He’s more of a house cat and never goes further than the back garden.

Mamanyt · 01/02/2021 00:05

Big wave, big smile, "HI! LOVELY TO SEE YOU!" And, as suggested, "I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear that, could you speak up a bit?" Kill 'em with kindness. Bake something (or fake something) and take it to them. Nice them to death! If nothing else, it will make them acutely uncomfortable right back.

StormBaby · 01/02/2021 08:35

If I know someone doesn’t like me, I will kill them with kindness and be ultra annoyingly friendly. Works every time

lboogy · 01/02/2021 09:35

I love watching my neighbours cause I'm a nosey cow. But I'm discreet about it. Though I remember I lived in the top floor flat and used to love watching ndn and partner do up the garden. But he would always look up at my window. Made it quite hard to snoop. 😂

I'd do what others have suggested, wave and smile

ginghamstarfish · 01/02/2021 09:44

If huffing and muttering is the worst thing they do, then that sounds not too bad as far as neighbours go! Agree with the PPs to ignore it, wave at them when they're openly watching, otherwise forget their existence and get on with yours. There are far worse neighbours out there!

ginghamstarfish · 01/02/2021 09:48

I am amazed that there are so many people who clearly have nothing better to do than stand behind their curtains/sneak around the garden etc watching and listening to their neighbours. Sad really I suppose to have such an empty life that this is what you do to fill it.

bloodyhairy · 01/02/2021 10:11

Have you spoken to your other (nice) neighbours about it? Maybe the weird ones have got form for this kind of thing, and at least then you wouldn't have to take it personally (as not just you).

EstuaryBird · 01/02/2021 10:51

@CatAndHisKit

it was everyone that she could see from her windows or hear through the walls. The notebooks filled over half a transit van. I think it was more a compulsion on her part rather than anything malicious. Creepy though, all that time you thought you were private and someone was noting down everything!

How creepy is that Estuary, and embarassing re boduly functions being recroded
MH issues obvs, and maybe she never went out, but still what the heck!

She was a nice woman to talk to and we often asked her down for a meal, as did our neighbours, but she never came. We lived below her for 21years but never went into her flat. Even when her friend used to deliver her present on Christmas Day she was never allowed past the doorstep.

She worked in a full time job until she retired and was a beautiful woman in her youth but we were told at her funeral that something happened when she was a young woman that changed her. Dreadfully sad 😔

EvilPea · 01/02/2021 10:58

You rent therefore you are to be judged.

—looking at my neighbour—

Sadly By some you are deemed less of a human, with less rights. They are waiting for you to slip up and put the bins in the wrong place or park in the wrong way so they can be proved right.

You can move, but you’ll probably come across it again.
Sorry op
I find my neighbour in my garden, I’ve come home and found her workman having lunch at my Garden table before!!

they are the worse we’ve had, but you are under higher scrutiny as a renter. We normally get round it by being overly helpful and overly passive. Sometimes I think it because there’s been shit tenants before or they’ve watched too much “nightmare tenants”.

tara66 · 01/02/2021 11:29

Have you been given the ''go naked suddenly'' advice? If they are looking in your window - strip off and do a ''Dah dah'' in the nude with big grin. The more people naked the better - and go naked in garden - weather permitting and don't forget to wave!

Notnt · 01/02/2021 11:50

People like this annoy me, we have a "neighbour" further down (all detached and fairly far apart so not extremely nearby) who used to stand and watch, with a proper look on his face, if he was outside and I was parking. Not sure why, we have a drive and my driving isn't cause for concern. 🤷‍♀️ But I found giving a look back and cheerily asking if there's a problem worked, soon stopped after that!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9