Love my house but neighbours are watching us

[Isitevapornot]

Moved into my house two years ago, we’re renting, late twenties. Love our house, it’s perfect for us — if we could afford to we would buy it. The only problem is with one set of neighbours. We get on well with one side, but the other just watches us. If we are in the garden they will mutter under their breath and huff, so we don’t go in the garden anymore. If I’m putting the bins out they stand and stare at the window. Every time we return home from the shops, they watch us through the curtains and hide whenever we see them.

It makes me really uncomfortable and I’m not sure what to do about it - I’m worried speaking to them about it would make it worse!

Would you move?

YABU - No

YANBU - Yes

Ignore

Aside from the garden muttering how do you know they are watching you unless you equally are watching them ? Perhaps they think exactly the same as you , that you are always watching them / looking at their house etc , which might explain the garden behaviour .

[quote BonnieDundee]@EstuaryBird that is disturbing [/quote]
It was when we found out. It wasn’t just us though, it was everyone that she could see from her windows or hear through the walls. The notebooks filled over half a transit van. I think it was more a compulsion on her part rather than anything malicious. Creepy though, all that time you thought you were private and someone was noting down everything!

OP does your garden overlook theirs or anything? Or do you do anything noisy, like sing or have loud phone conversations?

No do not move but ignore them and carry on enjoying your house, or pull them up every time when they start.

Move. I had neighbours like this once. They make you really self-conscious. That's no way to live. It doesn't matter if it wouldn't bother other people. It's bothering you and you're the one who has to live with them.

@Isitevapornot

They’ll mutter ‘for f*cks sake’ when we go out there. Sorry, there’s not much to give apart from what I’ve explained. They’re intimidating in a way that I am quite quiet and anxious so it puts me on edge

Next time either 1) ask "sorry, did you say something?" innocently or 2) do the same back. Literally mutter "FFS" under your breath but loud enough for them to hear and see what they do.

Ignore them watching you from the front, it doesn't affect you and it just shows how truly sad they are.

Do they rent or do they own it?

@Isitevapornot

They’ll mutter ‘for f*cks sake’ when we go out there. Sorry, there’s not much to give apart from what I’ve explained. They’re intimidating in a way that I am quite quiet and anxious so it puts me on edge

I'd say "i think ffs every time I see you watching me from your window".

I am quiet and anxious too but that means I'd rather have it out in the open.

Muttering for fucks sake is pathetic. Try to see it as such.
Use your garden! Put headphone on and listen to music if you have to, just don't let them think they can bully you

I agree with others, big waves as you see them shouting morning/afternoon. Go in your garden if they start huffing pop you head over the fence shouting morning, how are you etc.

@EstuaryBird

Are they young, old? A couple?

When you say intimidating how do you mean?

We lived in a Ground floor flat with an older single woman in the flat above....we were aware that she used to observe us - and everyone else in the road. When she died they found piles of notebooks with every single thing that happened written down, timed and dated....and I mean every single thing, even if she heard one of us fart or sneeze 😳😳.

The Executor told us they were burned but I’m never totally sure!

Sounds like Harriet the Spy.

I’d repeat the muttering back to them, or say a cheery ‘hello, sorry I didn’t catch that, were you talking to me’ with a big smile

Wave if they’re at the window - although how do they know every time you’re taking the bins out or in the garden? Can you make the garden more private in any way?

So you're renting but you would buy if you could afford it? Is it even for sale? Personally I would move.

I’d say treat them with love and kindness...that’ll catch them more off guard! Gift them cake (socially distance and all that),wave and say hello! They’ll be so embarrassed about their own behaviour they might snap out of it!
Maybe the last people that lived in your house were horrible and they’re expecting the same from you!
But also is there a reason they may be acting this way? Are you noisy, breaking lock down rules? Could they be racist, homophobic etc? I hope not but if they are, even more reason to rub their faces in it!!

@Isitevapornot

They’ll mutter ‘for f*cks sake’ when we go out there. Sorry, there’s not much to give apart from what I’ve explained. They’re intimidating in a way that I am quite quiet and anxious so it puts me on edge

If you feel anxious maybe you should move - but you could end up with worse neighbours. We had to move once because the neighbours were so bloody noisy - but we weren't intimidated by them. In the end we just couldn't cope with them being arseholes anymore.

Go about your business and pretend they don’t exist. For god’s sake don’t stop using your garden over them. They’re just bullies.

Not sure what you want people to suggest op. Just ignore them or as others have said be extra bright and cheery every time.

I'd wave flip them the bird at them definately. Every time.

Ignore the pathetic huffing and use your damn garden. Not using your space because your neighbours huff is just beyond ridiculous.

I'm a contrary cow so I'd be giving them stuff to huff/mutter about just for comedy value. Sign on your back saying 'FUCK OFF' sounds good to me. If the garden is an issue, start hanging leather/rubber underwear on your washing line or buy wind chimes. Give them something to mutter about. Then when they confront you ask them why they feel they have to stare at you and tell them to do one.

"They’re intimidating in a way that I am quite quiet and anxious so it puts me on edge"

Actually having read that ^^ I'd say you've hit the nail on the head by saying they're intimidating in a way that you are quiet and anxious.

So no I wouldn't move as it's probably the anxiety that's the problem and you'll take that wherever you go.

Imagine you move and end up with worse neighbours though.

My neighbour used to watch our every move behind her curtain . We started giving a cheery wave , huge smile & shouting "helloooo". Soon stopped. She didn't peer thru the trellis at us any more either!

We had this in a previous house. One set of neighbours really looked down on us because we rented. They even called the social services because they though our son was screaming too much - he was three at the time and was actually quite a quiet child. I was so happy when we moved away, and I wasn’t at all sad to hear that the guy who had made our lives hell passed away.

As long as they were quiet it wouldn't bother me. After a lifetime of trying to get on with neighbours I now believe that they are over rated. The good thing about where we live now is that I never ever speak to the neighbours even if I happen to see them.

I'm sorry, isiteva. I used to be easily intimidated when I was young so understand how you feel but, frankly, your neighbours are being horrible and there is no excuse. Work on your confidence! They would not try to intimidate a confident person.

You aren't doing anything wrong - think about that. What could these people possibly have against you? NOTHING!

(Maybe they are jealous.)

We once had neighbours who glued themselves to the windows when we went into the back garden, and also went in for the huffing and tutting. We simply ignored them. What we were doing was generally deadly dull anyway - we were either doing some very limited gardening or sitting out there with tea or coffee and a book/magazine - so I think we eventually bored them into giving up.

You have allowed them to get to you, tbh it's a mindset.
Just tell yourself you don't give a fig about what they are getting up to . Train yourself not to look that way when you are out and about. Perhaps they look at you and think ' Why are they always looking over this way ? '