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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Love my house but neighbours are watching us

202 replies

Isitevapornot · 30/01/2021 13:21

Moved into my house two years ago, we’re renting, late twenties. Love our house, it’s perfect for us — if we could afford to we would buy it. The only problem is with one set of neighbours. We get on well with one side, but the other just watches us. If we are in the garden they will mutter under their breath and huff, so we don’t go in the garden anymore. If I’m putting the bins out they stand and stare at the window. Every time we return home from the shops, they watch us through the curtains and hide whenever we see them.

It makes me really uncomfortable and I’m not sure what to do about it - I’m worried speaking to them about it would make it worse!

Would you move?

YABU - No

YANBU - Yes

OP posts:
GintyMcGinty · 30/01/2021 13:39

I have horrible neighbours on one side. I just ignore them completely.

viques · 30/01/2021 13:40

They are probably looking out of their windows for most of the day, but you won’t see them because you aren’t standing outside your house for most of the day . Some people like to watch what’s going on in their street, they aren’t spying on anyone, just observing. Wave and smile. As for the muttering maybe they talk to each other quietly. Not everyone shouts.

barskits · 30/01/2021 13:42

@Isitevapornot

They are very intimidating
In what way?
WorraLiberty · 30/01/2021 13:42

What exactly do they mutter OP?

You're not giving us much to go on here.

SilverRoe · 30/01/2021 13:42

‘our neighbours are weird, if we talk or look at the in our garden they go inside, so we’ve started taking lower and now they won’t come out at all. If we glance out of the window when they pass they stare at us so we hurry back away, wwyd??’

Original poster
Isitevapornot · 30/01/2021 13:44

They’ll mutter ‘for f*cks sake’ when we go out there. Sorry, there’s not much to give apart from what I’ve explained. They’re intimidating in a way that I am quite quiet and anxious so it puts me on edge

OP posts:
Lillygolightly · 30/01/2021 13:45

I wouldn’t move no, well I didn’t anyway when I had similar years ago. Moved into a lovely house, ours was up a steep drive so you looked down at the neighbours opposite and they looked up to you.

Our neighbours either side were both long time residents and both lovely. The old couple opposite us had also been there a long time.

When we first moved in I noticed the couple opposite were very nosy watching us openly when we were coming and going etc. I assumed it was just because we were new and that it would soon die down once they got used to us. It didn’t! One day about 2 years in I was coming home from the big shop and unloading the boot, the woman across the street stood at her window brazen as anything staring out clearly watching me. I had just had enough so I turned to face her and I just stood there watching her and we had this weird staring off contest Confused anyway I stayed there until she moved away, it lasted a while and was very awkward. It seemed to work though as she never did again, well I’m sure she did but I think she at least had the sense to hide behind her curtains Grin

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2021 13:47

@Isitevapornot

They’ll mutter ‘for f*cks sake’ when we go out there. Sorry, there’s not much to give apart from what I’ve explained. They’re intimidating in a way that I am quite quiet and anxious so it puts me on edge
I'm not sure what to think now OP

First I thought it might be your neighbours but now I'm wondering if it's just you.

Someone quietly muttering 'FFS' is enough to stop you using your garden completely? Confused

Do you have children and have you banned them from the garden too?

purplebagladylovesgin · 30/01/2021 13:47

Kill them with kindness is the saying.

Don't let them intimidate you, you have done nothing wrong.

Smile and wave every time. Behave as though they are reciprocating in the jolly behaviour, so carry on smiling and waving. I know it goes against what you feel, but they will probably lose interest if they are not getting the reaction they need.

It also makes you the good guys, they can hardly take issue with cheery goodwill!

Whereas if you are staring stony faced back at them they might take issue.

Knittedfairies · 30/01/2021 13:48

If they hide whenever they realise you've seen them, then a wave or a cheery greeting is the way to stop this.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 30/01/2021 13:49

You always run the risk into running into noisy or antisocial neighbours instead.

I'd stick with those, wave or just ignore. I would not stop going in the garden at all, that's your only mistake.

hansgrueber · 30/01/2021 13:50

@CuriousaboutSamphire

You are describing them as scary and allowing them to intimidate out of your own garden because they look at you and talk quietly?

Buck up! Stare back, smile, wave, say hello!

And use your own bloody garden...

When they're out, sit in your garden and loudly discuss crimes you have committed, where you've buried the evidence, make them afraid, then lean over the fence and give them a cheery greeting.
peak2021 · 30/01/2021 13:51

Once the restrictions are over, have some people visit who are noisy and say inappropriate things. Get them to say something to the neighbours such as 'what are you looking at?' or worse, and given they use foul language, perhaps some of the language heard on The Thick of It.

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 30/01/2021 13:51

Move. Life is too short to fix other people. Go find another home to be happy in xxx

AnitaB888 · 30/01/2021 13:52

Just ignore them.

One thing is for sure if you have 'nebby' neighbours you won't get burgled !

MaelyssQ · 30/01/2021 13:52

Do you have excitable kids or an exuberant dog who barks a lot?

I'm assuming they are an older couple - just ignore the comments. Put up some kind of screening trellis in your garden so they can't even see you let alone pass comment. Wave when you see them watching you from the window. Don't let them intimidate you. Nosy neighbours are better than noisy neighbours.

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2021 13:54

@Calvinlookingforhobbes

Move. Life is too short to fix other people. Go find another home to be happy in xxx
Bit of a gamble as they could end up with truly awful neighbours.

Not just ones that mutter quietly and look out of their windows.

ScrapThatThen · 30/01/2021 13:54

I wouldn't move but I wouldn't buy it. But then when you move you might have worse neighbours...

IsadoraQuagmire · 30/01/2021 13:54

People are allowed to look out of their own windows as often as they like, and why shouldn't they?
And If you weren't staring back at them you wouldn't see them doing it, would you?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/01/2021 13:55

They sound unpleasant but you are giving them this power over you, and allowing it to negatively affect your life.

They are not going to change, so the only thing about this situation that can change is your reaction to it - I think moving is a bit drastic, as you might end up with even worse horrible neighbours.
If you can overcome your anxiety about it, you could have some fun with it - covert ops to get the bin out, look as shady as you possibly can, wear a long overcoat and dark glasses and keep looking around you - that sort of thing.
Go out into the garden and put music on so you can't hear them. You have every right to be in YOUR garden, it's their problem if they don't like it.

The "kill them with kindness" thing can be hard to do if you're shy and anxious - but you can still have fun from afar.

SaltyTootsieToes · 30/01/2021 13:55

Ok so you’ve explained you’re quiet and anxious. So really, they may not be doing anything to you but as you’re an anxious person, you feel that they are being intimidating

Do the suggested wave and smile when you’re coming/going from your house. There’s no direct, close up interaction then. If they are snooping and see they have no impact on you, they’ll stop.

If they’re simply people who look at everyone coming/going on your street, nothing is likely to change. They could just be people with nothing better to do than look out their windows at what is going on

In your back garden, come summer, get a tilting garden umbrella and use it as a means to stop them seeing what you’re doing. Play some music, not loudly, but enough that you can’t hear them muttering under their breath. Or wear some headphones in you’re out there by yourself. This way if they are purposefully trying to annoy you, it’ll have no impact nor do you have to confront them.

No need to move with this being the only issue

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/01/2021 13:57

I think the problem is with your house’s lack of privacy rather than the neighbours. If you can easily see and hear each other in your gardens, not private. If you can look out your window and see them in their windows, not private. If the noise of taking bins out or coming home with car doors closing, means they need to check and see if it’s you or a delivery they’re expecting- not private.

So, yes I would move and ensure you next home is more private.

DoTheNextRightThing · 30/01/2021 13:58

I can sympathise. We have a neighbour who stands outside his house at all hours just watching. I'm all for getting fresh air but it's a bit creepy!

Honeyroar · 30/01/2021 13:59

I’d not be pushed out of my garden. I’d either try and kill them with kindness (day he’ll, wave, talk at them, bore them to bits!). Or when they start grumbling and swearing I’d say to my OH “would you put some music on so I don’t have to listen to next door swearing”.

Haven’t you any fences between you? I don’t understand how they can watch you so much. Could you ask your landlord to put higher fences perhaps?

butterpuffed · 30/01/2021 13:59

Their muttering and huffing has stopped you going out in your garden ? That's a bit of an extreme reaction, OP.

There are much worse neighbours you could end up with if you move , loud music ones, noisy argumentative ones, interfering ones, nosy ones etc. etc.