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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Love my house but neighbours are watching us

202 replies

Isitevapornot · 30/01/2021 13:21

Moved into my house two years ago, we’re renting, late twenties. Love our house, it’s perfect for us — if we could afford to we would buy it. The only problem is with one set of neighbours. We get on well with one side, but the other just watches us. If we are in the garden they will mutter under their breath and huff, so we don’t go in the garden anymore. If I’m putting the bins out they stand and stare at the window. Every time we return home from the shops, they watch us through the curtains and hide whenever we see them.

It makes me really uncomfortable and I’m not sure what to do about it - I’m worried speaking to them about it would make it worse!

Would you move?

YABU - No

YANBU - Yes

OP posts:
Arobase · 30/01/2021 18:02

@Isitevapornot

They’ll mutter ‘for f*cks sake’ when we go out there. Sorry, there’s not much to give apart from what I’ve explained. They’re intimidating in a way that I am quite quiet and anxious so it puts me on edge
I think that would make me go out all the more. They have to get used to the fact that people are allowed to use their own gardens.
Edgeoftheledge · 30/01/2021 18:05

Op come back

Arobase · 30/01/2021 18:07

If they mutter "For fuck's sake" every time you go out, make a game of it. Pretend you're talking to someone inside or on the phone, say loudly "They're going to say "For fuck's sake" any minute now, wait for it, wait for it ... There it is! Told you!". Do a loud countdown. Say to the same pretend person "I know, their vocabulary is incredibly limited, they just mutter "For fuck's sake"".

Hont1986 · 30/01/2021 20:53

Maybe they're just nutters, or maybe you're one of those awful neighbours who takes their radio out into the garden with them.

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/01/2021 21:15

I'm forever saying ffs loudly, especially when my neighbours start playing their music loud.

safclass · 30/01/2021 22:23

We live in a terrace and our kitchen overlooks the neighbours. Our neighbours below an d the next ones did not get on. Police called regularly over petty stuff. They would watch as our neighbours came home, parked, hung out washing etc. One day both husband and wife were staring into neighbours kitchen so she flashed both of them, tshirt up and jiggling her bare boobs at them, smiled bowed and walked out of her kitchen!

JiltedJohnsJulie · 30/01/2021 23:23

I'm forever saying ffs loudly, especially when my neighbours start playing their music loud.

I think we've just found your neighbours Grin

MrDarcysMa · 30/01/2021 23:27

I would be saying 'excuse me? sorry I didn't quite catch that,' .....every. single. time.
And wave at them through the window every time. time to be more assertive op.

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 31/01/2021 00:41

The fact they moan when you are in the garden suggests to me you are making a lot of noise which is disturbing them.

Do you have a dog you let out on the garden when you are outside, that barks loudly? Do you have children who scream whilst they are trying to work?

I feel as though there is more to this story.

vodkaredbullgirl · 31/01/2021 02:25

@JiltedJohnsJulie Smile I hope its not me lol

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 31/01/2021 12:26

When she died they found piles of notebooks with every single thing that happened written down, timed and dated....and I mean every single thing, even if she heard one of us fart or sneeze.

Poor woman. How stultifying boring and what a miserable testimony to an empty life. I feel real pity for her.

Cherrysoup · 31/01/2021 12:43

Try to be brave, ask them if there’s a problem when they mutter. I have to say, although I get on well with all of my neighbours, I’m delighted there are 6 foot fences and many feet of (their) ivy/conifers on top.

midlifeangst · 31/01/2021 18:00

It’s a bit weird. Tell all the other neighbours what they are doing. Our neighbour have cctv camera pointing at our house. Luckily they’re moving. There’s f all to see at our place

Bridgespot · 31/01/2021 18:22

OP, I know what you're going through, I had similar neighbours when I was your age and I am similarly inclined to be quiet, anxious, people pleasing, whatever. I tailored my whole life around avoiding any kind of confrontation or run-in with them, or even a nasty comment or dirty look. I look back now and think what the hell? You've had a lot of advice here, some of it blunt, some of it more understanding, but most of it saying pretty much the same thing: it's your life, it's your house, it's your garden; live it, really live your life and enjoy your house and garden without giving one -flying fuck- single thought about what they think. What they think is absolutely one hundred percent their problem, not yours, and you have to understand that life will get a whole lot better when you stop trying to avoid all unpleasantness and you do start to assert yourself. It's a tired old mantra, but a good one: whatever they do says FAR more, indeed EVERYTHING about them, and nothing about you.

LahndonTown · 31/01/2021 18:28

We moved to a mid terrace property and our end neighbours were elderly and very bored. We helped each other out but it got to a point where the wife would watch out for me coming home from work every day and within 10 minutes tof getting in she'd be knocking the door with cakes, an argos catalogue(!) or a chat. Sometimes she'd come round we'd end up eating tea and she'd not get the hint to leave. If I went in the garden she'd be watching me out their bedroom window and starting another conversation with me.

In the end I felt stressed that I couldn't relax without being watched. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she saw me coming home when I should have been in work and asking me why I wasn't in work! She then went and gossiped to the other neighbours about it.

We moved and I don't regret it! Life's too short. She still does it to the people who moved in after us.

Soupsandsnow · 31/01/2021 18:31

I could have written your post. Life is too short ... we will be moving soon when we can, why put up with it and be their entertainment. It’s a ‘battle’ they have fabricated that can never be won.

CatAndHisKit · 31/01/2021 18:37

it was everyone that she could see from her windows or hear through the walls. The notebooks filled over half a transit van. I think it was more a compulsion on her part rather than anything malicious. Creepy though, all that time you thought you were private and someone was noting down everything!

How creepy is that Estuary, and embarassing re boduly functions being recroded Shock
MH issues obvs, and maybe she never went out, but still what the heck!

CatAndHisKit · 31/01/2021 18:39

Bridgespot excellent advice!

islockdownoveryet · 31/01/2021 18:44

Sorry op but without more info you are going to have to woman up .
Do not let these people intimidate you .
My NDn was like this she was definitely trying to intimidate me but I’d stare back , smile anything.
It’s the only way , you scurrying off like some frightened mouse they are going to do it all the more .
Just be extra friendly and ignore.
Trust me I used to be that frightened little mouse who would let people bully and intimidate me .
Honestly anyone who knows me now laughs when I tell them that because I would never allow anyone to intimidate me because I learned not to allow others have control over me . Honestly you will feel great not letting them intimidate you by just staying outside or just smiling when they stare over . It works I promise you .

SavannahMiasMum · 31/01/2021 18:54

Ask if they’d like a picture since they like to watch you so much

slitheringsnakes · 31/01/2021 18:55

If you think about it, someone who spends their spare time trying to intimidate a next door neighbour they hardly know is a sad little person leading a sad little life. I feel this about the man who does this and worse to us. How horrible to spend your life obsessing over petty grudges and bullying power play against people you don't even know. Although I don't spend my time watching the neighbours, in the several years we've lived next door to them, I've never seen a single person visit their house (apart from the postman).

pollymere · 31/01/2021 18:58

Bake them a cake and take it round (Covid friendly style), smile, wave when you see them, stop for a chat. They are probably grumbling that you're not friendly.

Imapotato · 31/01/2021 19:01

Unfortunately you can’t choose your neighbours. I’ve had some proper weirdos over the years, including one lady who stole my cat and then sent me a weird letter written as if the cat had Written it telling me how happy he was in his new home!!

Anyway. If you see them looking, smile and wave. If you hear them mutter cheerfully go over with a “hi, sorry, I didn’t quite catch that, what were you saying?” Just be super polite and cheerful, but show them that their bullying won’t get to you. So long as you’re doing nothing wrong, and they’re not actual
nutters, you have nothing to fear.

JupeyJoo · 31/01/2021 19:06

I know how you feel. The 'silent' weirdness you are talking about can wear you down. I had it for five years. When I did finally move, it was for other reasons, but I realised then just how bad it had been. No one understands how bad vibes can seep through the walls more than shouting or overt nastiness. I personally wish we had left earlier. I am very happy where I am and have lovely neighbours all over now. It's up to you. If you go and love your home they've won, but if you go and find peace makes you happy, then do it.

CatAndHisKit · 31/01/2021 19:09

one lady who stole my cat and then sent me a weird letter written as if the cat had Written it telling me how happy he was in his new home!!

Grin that's hilarious! But did you get your cat back, imapotato?

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