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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So upset did i overreact?

179 replies

Confused543 · 29/01/2021 19:10

Me and DP were watching Gypsy (series) and theres a scene where she playfully slaps her partners face and says "dont go to my fucking coffee shop". Its meant to be really dark and psychological but for some reason it set us off and we laughed about it. That was yesterday.

So just now I gave DP a light slap (and I did make sure it was light) and said to him "dont go to my fucking coffee shop". Then he slapped me back surprisingly hard. I pulled back and said "ow that hurt" and he did it again! I dont know what happened but it really shocked me and I started crying. Now we arent talking. I feel like a dick. But it also created a weird feeling in me.

OP posts:
AldiIsla · 29/01/2021 19:12

Jesus Christ.

As we explain to small children - you shouldn't slap people.

Original poster
Confused543 · 29/01/2021 19:15

😔 Yeah I know. I literally just meant mine as a tap though. I don't think he realised it hurt me. I'm just surprised it made me cry

OP posts:
Polomints · 29/01/2021 19:16

I think your partner massively overreacted. Especially as it was a bit of an 'in joke' on your part. Have you spoken to him since?

Givemeabreak88 · 29/01/2021 19:17

Maybe best if you just both don’t slap each other? Both as bad as each other tbh It’s not ok to slap someone as a joke either Hmm

Ohalrightthen · 29/01/2021 19:18

Tbf, if my partner slapped me in the face, I'd likely hit them back even if it hadn't hurt me. It's not about pain, it's about the shock and the physical imposition, a hand right up in your face, out of nowhere? No fucking thank you, get the fuck away.

misskatamari · 29/01/2021 19:18

Oh goodness, given the context I can understand you jokingly doing it to him, and if it's a tap like you say, it doesn't seem like a big issue. The fact he did it back, and maybe misjudged the force, perhaps understandable but to repeat it when he knew it had hurt you 😱 yeah, that's not okay. What did he say? Did he explain himself? I can't really imagine us doing this, but if DH did do something like that and hurt me, and I was crying and upset, he would be rushing to apologise for misjudging things (as I would if the situation was reversed). I would be less than impressed if I was getting the silent treatment when upset and had been hurt

Original poster
Confused543 · 29/01/2021 19:20

@Polomints
No, it happened just now. I said ow the first time, then OW the second time and he started laughing and gave me a hug (i think he thought I was play acting and didnt realise I was serious). Then I started crying and got up, he said "fucking hell" and went out for a smoke. Now I'm lying in bed feeling like a dick.

OP posts:
TeenagePITA · 29/01/2021 19:22

How long have you been together??

TeenagePITA · 29/01/2021 19:23

Don't fall for "I didn't realise my own strength" line.

PotteringAlong · 29/01/2021 19:24

So you slapped him as a joke, he slapped you as a joke and now you’re both in the huff?

Don’t slap people!

Original poster
Confused543 · 29/01/2021 19:24

Five years. He's not an aggressive person. Now I've calmed down I think he misjudged and I shouldn't really have started it, even if it was an in joke.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/01/2021 19:25

Nice you slapped him he slapped you. Both meant it as a joke both got upset by it.

Just don’t be slapping people op. You’ll find they won’t be tempted to slap you one back if you don’t.

MindyStClaire · 29/01/2021 19:27

@Confused543

Five years. He's not an aggressive person. Now I've calmed down I think he misjudged and I shouldn't really have started it, even if it was an in joke.
That may be the case (and given the in joke and the fact you said it was just a tap, I don't see it as a big deal, but fair enough if he did). But his response should've been to tell you with words that he didn't appreciate it. Not hit you harder, twice.
skylarkdescending · 29/01/2021 19:27

Is he a defensive kind of person? Give him time and calmly explain that it genuinely hurt you.

If he is apologetic and understanding I would let it go.

If he is defensive and/or downplays it I would think about how that makes you feel and how you will live forward.

Jenala · 29/01/2021 19:28

It's the doing it again that's weird. The first one is in response/part of the in joke. To do it again isn't part of the joke, and is especially odd when you've said ow.

I think it's OK to say something like "it gave me a shock when you did it again, I wasn't expecting it". Even if it was all a big joke, if it actually hurt it's fine to react to that/say so. I also think his reaction is strange, surely you'd be like oh shit I just mean to mess about, sorry. Is he normally dismissive?

MissMarpleDarling · 29/01/2021 19:28

You did hit him first but that's not acceptable. I'd not find it funny if my partner slapped me playful or not.

IEat · 29/01/2021 19:28

Why did you hit him?

sapnupuas · 29/01/2021 19:28

Are people missing where OP says she told him it hurt and he did it again?

Once was tit-for-tat, twice is abusive.

Bluntness100 · 29/01/2021 19:29

I think it’s more the shock for both of them. No one likes getting their face slapped.

TheChip · 29/01/2021 19:29

I dont think you overreacted, or him either. I think you got a shock and reacted unexpectedly, and he reacted with guilt unexpectedly knowing he upset you.

Just go and make a joke saying "well that was unexpected haha" and see what happens. Dont stew on it, it won't do either of you any good.

Jenala · 29/01/2021 19:29

I doubt if when you did it the first time you'd have got an arse on if he said "oi that actually hurt, wtf".... You'd apologise. Feels like this is an unwinnable situation for you op.

Coffeehunter · 29/01/2021 19:29

So it was funny when you slapped him but not when he slapped you back? Grow up

Original poster
Confused543 · 29/01/2021 19:29

@skylarkdescending
Yes he is a very defensive person. Its Friday night and I dont want to have this lingering over me so in going to go and sort it out now but hes probably going to act "wounded" and pissy

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/01/2021 19:30

@sapnupuas

Are people missing where OP says she told him it hurt and he did it again?

Once was tit-for-tat, twice is abusive.

Calm down, are you missing the bit where she says he thought she was play acting as part of thr “in joke” that caused her to slap him?
Bluntness100 · 29/01/2021 19:30

[quote Confused543]@skylarkdescending
Yes he is a very defensive person. Its Friday night and I dont want to have this lingering over me so in going to go and sort it out now but hes probably going to act "wounded" and pissy[/quote]
Like you are?

Sounds like you’re well matched.