Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So upset did i overreact?

179 replies

Confused543 · 29/01/2021 19:10

Me and DP were watching Gypsy (series) and theres a scene where she playfully slaps her partners face and says "dont go to my fucking coffee shop". Its meant to be really dark and psychological but for some reason it set us off and we laughed about it. That was yesterday.

So just now I gave DP a light slap (and I did make sure it was light) and said to him "dont go to my fucking coffee shop". Then he slapped me back surprisingly hard. I pulled back and said "ow that hurt" and he did it again! I dont know what happened but it really shocked me and I started crying. Now we arent talking. I feel like a dick. But it also created a weird feeling in me.

OP posts:
2020iscancelled · 29/01/2021 19:30

Doesn’t sound like he’s responded in anger or anything. Sounds like he’s responded in a playful manner but not got it right.

Me and my partner were mucking around once and I flicked him with a tea towel on the arse so he slapped mine with a silicone spatula - it absolutely killed!!! But it was definitely just playing and he didn’t mean to hurt me.

If I were you I would say sorry for crying etc but it didn’t actually hurt even though it was just playing. And then hopefully he will apologise too and all forgotten.

Then stop slapping people

MorganKitten · 29/01/2021 19:31

From your updates ugh you both were messing around.... probably best not to slap people

davidsSchitt · 29/01/2021 19:31

Well it can backfire when you start randomly slapping people. Just say sorry and hope he does the same

Original poster
Confused543 · 29/01/2021 19:31

@TheChip

Interesting, I will try that now (make a joke of it and see what happens).

Normally though even when I'm in the right I end up in the wrong

OP posts:
Vtech · 29/01/2021 19:32

Ok it’s not great that OP slapped her partner even playfully, but are PPs just ignoring the fact that he slapped her twice?!

OP this isn’t ok - he shouldn’t have done that.

Indecisive12 · 29/01/2021 19:32

@Confused543

Five years. He's not an aggressive person. Now I've calmed down I think he misjudged and I shouldn't really have started it, even if it was an in joke.
Yeah this.
ClangingChimesofDoom · 29/01/2021 19:34

Yeah, you both acted like dafties. Its lockdown OP, its getting to even the best of us.

fannyFERNACKERPANN · 29/01/2021 19:34

@Givemeabreak88

Maybe best if you just both don’t slap each other? Both as bad as each other tbh It’s not ok to slap someone as a joke either Hmm
Please don't be so ridiculous
Bluntness100 · 29/01/2021 19:34

Normally though even when I'm in the right I end up in the wrong

Op is there something you want to say as this is starting to look like a drip feed. He’s pissy and hard done to, he’s always making you in the wrong,

Yes this time you were in thr wrong. Are you just pissed and want to have a go at him or is there some drip feed coming here that he treats you very badly?

HighSpecWhistle · 29/01/2021 19:36

Yeah that's not on at all. You clearly were joking based on something you both laughed about less than 24 hours earlier. He on the otherhand slapped you twice, both of which hurt you.

I wonder why he didn't comfort you when you were upset? Surely any normal partner would?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 29/01/2021 19:37

Once, I might have the same reaction. I have people with people touching my face,especially hitting even as a joke. I have raised my hand back before and even made contact and it's just a reflex.

However, he did it twice,he actually hurt you. You cried out and he laughed then slapped you again. Now he's in a huff, when you're the one actually hurt. Unless he's 5 he should've apologised, explained why he reacted that way/if he was upset,you apologise too and things are settled.

His reaction to hurting you is a massive red flag. If you end up apologising for him hurting you and to smooth things over, I bet he has form for this, this is not the first time you've done it and the relationship is toxic.

Bluntness100 · 29/01/2021 19:38

@HighSpecWhistle

Yeah that's not on at all. You clearly were joking based on something you both laughed about less than 24 hours earlier. He on the otherhand slapped you twice, both of which hurt you.

I wonder why he didn't comfort you when you were upset? Surely any normal partner would?

She says he did, he thought she was joking. Then hugged her laughing and when he realised she was upset left. So clearly he thinks he did it gently too. Like she thought she did

I would assume neither hurt the other it was the shock of being slapped that is the issue

Original poster
Confused543 · 29/01/2021 19:38

@Bluntness100

No, he doesnt treat me badly. But he does have form for acting the victim. So in this situation if the roles were reversed I would be like "oh shit I'm sorry if I hurt you! I must have misjudged! I really didnt mean to". Instead he just stomped off for a fag in a sulk and now I need to go and essentially apologise for crying.

OP posts:
butterpuffed · 29/01/2021 19:44

So you went to bed for a cry and he stomped off for a fag. Jeez.

sapnupuas · 29/01/2021 19:44

@Bluntness100

So one slap means he's free to slap her back twice?

Where does it become unacceptable then? Three times? Four?

She told him it hurt. He did it again.

It was a stupid game to play anyway, but that doesn't mean he has a free pass to hurt the OP.

Bluntness100 · 29/01/2021 19:45

Gosh. Do you both often behave like this?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 29/01/2021 19:45

[quote Confused543]@Bluntness100

No, he doesnt treat me badly. But he does have form for acting the victim. So in this situation if the roles were reversed I would be like "oh shit I'm sorry if I hurt you! I must have misjudged! I really didnt mean to". Instead he just stomped off for a fag in a sulk and now I need to go and essentially apologise for crying.[/quote]
Why do you need to apologise? What will happen if you don't?

Original poster
Confused543 · 29/01/2021 19:46

@AccidentallyOnPurpose
If I dont he just wont speak to me

OP posts:
Original poster
Confused543 · 29/01/2021 19:47

@Bluntness100
You really need to stay out of my fucking coffee shop Bluntness Wink

OP posts:
fuzzymoon · 29/01/2021 19:47

Don't apologise for crying !!!

Say to him. I was joking, it was acting out something we both watched and laughed about and you slapped me quite hard back twice.

I cried because it not only hurt but I'm shocked by your reaction.

That's it. STOP APOLOGISING FOR THINGS YOU HAVEN'T DONE WTONG. This is called being controlling when someone gets someone else to apologise for something they didn't do.

You didn't make him hit you hard. He chose to !!!

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 29/01/2021 19:48

[quote Confused543]@AccidentallyOnPurpose
If I dont he just wont speak to me[/quote]
If he has form for this then he does treat you badly.

If he doesn't speak to you unless you apologise (even if you're in the right,generally speaking) that is controlling and a form of abuse. He's conditioning you to learn that your place is in the wrong and you must be the one to keep the peace. He's already halfway there.

LochJessMonster · 29/01/2021 19:49

Oh here we go, as the man he must be the abusive one Hmm Classic MN.

Don’t slap people if you don’t want to be slapped back. Don’t slap people full stop.

diddl · 29/01/2021 19:50

So he hit you hard enough for it to hurt.

The 2nd time harder even though he knew that the first time hurt.

But you'll be apologising.

Why?

sapnupuas · 29/01/2021 19:51

@LochJessMonster

Oh here we go, as the man he must be the abusive one Hmm Classic MN.

Don’t slap people if you don’t want to be slapped back. Don’t slap people full stop.

No, he's abusive because he did it twice.

If it had been once in retaliation to the silly attempt at a joke, I probably would have scrolled on due to the ridiculousness of the whole thing.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 29/01/2021 19:52

@LochJessMonster

Oh here we go, as the man he must be the abusive one Hmm Classic MN.

Don’t slap people if you don’t want to be slapped back. Don’t slap people full stop.

It's ignoring the OP until she apologises that is wrong.

When me or OH fuck up, and God knows we do, we squabble,talk about it,both apologise and move on . We don't refuse to speak to each other unless the other apologises.