So upset did i overreact?

[Confused543]

Me and DP were watching Gypsy (series) and theres a scene where she playfully slaps her partners face and says "dont go to my fucking coffee shop". Its meant to be really dark and psychological but for some reason it set us off and we laughed about it. That was yesterday.

So just now I gave DP a light slap (and I did make sure it was light) and said to him "dont go to my fucking coffee shop". Then he slapped me back surprisingly hard. I pulled back and said "ow that hurt" and he did it again! I dont know what happened but it really shocked me and I started crying. Now we arent talking. I feel like a dick. But it also created a weird feeling in me.

She cried and it wasn't because it was hard, but because he wasn't following the joke. He did it in a way to show dominance and did it again after he knew she didn't like it. He knew she was sad, but then he showed her anger again to dominate so she was wrong and needed to fix things. Dominance and control are mainly quiet mental weapons rather than physical ones.

Red flag OP. He wanted to have the last word.

Jesus christ. For the amount of people on MN with degrees and jobs earning 100k+ very few of you can fucking READ!

😂
I genuinely think a massive bulk of Mumsnet posters are actually just men sitting around waiting for the chance to type things like "women are abusive too" and "if the roles were reversed..." etc.

@Hont1986

You heard it here first: someone gets slapped, then they're the abusive one because well, the slapper just feels so bad for what they did and it was only a tap and it was only a joke and can't they just get over it already?

Unreal that people would still think this way on a predominantly women's forum.

Do you understand context?

If someone slapped me, no matter how gently or hard, I’d slap them back. You are out of line OP. Being female doesn’t put you in a better light no matter what people are saying to justify what you did and suggestive your partner is at fault. You’re equal to him and the same rules apply; you don’t hit, slap whatever you want to call it.

Classic defensive mode shutting down, that tells me he knows he was wrong but can’t or won’t admit it. Even if you did start it you have apologised now for your behaviour, the fact that he hasn’t says allot about him. It also shows a lack of control on his part which is worrying.

No, she was making a joke they'd both found funny, and he hit her hard twice. Very different. But abusive men everywhere will thank you for helping with the narrative that they are equally bad.

How is it that the person who hit first isn’t classed as abusive it’s just funny, but when the other person does it back (not hard) it’s all of a sudden abusive and not funny

They were play fighting - I don’t think either of them were abusive but because they’ve got a strange relationship they are both trying to make an issue out of something to get one over on each other.

@PotteringAlong

So you slapped him as a joke, he slapped you as a joke and now you’re both in the huff?

Don’t slap people!

He slapped her back hard! Twice!

@Bluntness100

Oh calm down even she didn’t say he hit her hard. For good ness sake.

Your reading comprehension is usually better than that
Then he slapped me back surprisingly hard. I pulled back and said "ow that hurt" and he did it again!

@Grilledaubergines

If someone slapped me, no matter how gently or hard, I’d slap them back. You are out of line OP. Being female doesn’t put you in a better light no matter what people are saying to justify what you did and suggestive your partner is at fault. You’re equal to him and the same rules apply; you don’t hit, slap whatever you want to call it.

Would you slap them twice, harder than they slapped you?

It's not your job to manage his emotions. If he can't or won't do it, he clearly isn't capable of being in a relationship.

[quote Confused543]@Bluntness100
You really need to stay out of my fucking coffee shop Bluntness [/quote]
Obviously not as shocked as you make out if you can joke about it with posters who are quite right that you were both absolutely ridiculous.

You both sound like teenagers. My relationships were like this when I was 15-18. It's really tiresome.

No that's abusive. I understand people say 'never hit' but in the context of a mutual joke and you making sure it was light quite honestly I'm shocked.

He hit you twice? In anger rather than lightly as an understood joke?

Honestly I think he is very very out of line.

Maybe the first I could understand, but not coming back with a second hard slap.

@AldiIsla

Jesus Christ.

As we explain to small children - you shouldn't slap people.

Gosh I’m crying the way you put this 🤣 it’s true though.

She's not being sensitive for fucks sake. In a healthy relationship even if he also thought he was playing along, when she cries and then communicates that he hurt her physically the normal and correct response is 'shit, I'm sorry, I didn't realise it was so hard, are you ok?'

To which she would say 'yes, it just hurt but now that you've apologised it's fine and I'm also sorry if I crossed a line while trying to joke, it's not funny if I hurt you too.'

@Viviennemary

Maybe your slap hurt more than you intended. But it was a daft thing to do. Are you twelve.

This is what I thought too. For him to do it twice and OP has said it’s not his usual character.

The whole thing is odd I don’t think I would want to watch “Gypsy” again.

Id let it slide. Clearly he felt disrespected when u slapped him. So he wanted to make a point by doing it twice. He obviously thought oh sh*t iv messed up when he slapped u the second time round. So he hugged u and got pissed off u were upset because u started the joke and now he feels annoyed by the fact u couldnt take it.
He did mess up doing it twice tho.. thatd upset me too. But guess u both know that type of humour doesnt work for u guys.

To me, slapping his face and joking initiated a play fight. You said yourself he was laughing and hugged you. I think that when he realised he’d read it wrong he knew he was the bad guy now and that’s why he’s annoyed. He never started it!

Exhausting 🥱 Had a bf like this, how can you be bothered?

With the whole slapping thing you clearly hurt/offended him too your both idiots but he’s like this all the time no thanks

Regardless of the rights and wrongs of you slapping him, why did he slap you TWICE?

And now he’s sulking, the big baby.

Then he slapped me back surprisingly hard

Just to clarify, he definitely didn't slap me hard across the face

Which is it OP ?

Viviennemary
Maybe your slap hurt more than you intended. But it was a daft thing to do. Are you twelve.
This is what I thought too. For him to do it twice and OP has said it’s not his usual character.

The whole thing is odd I don’t think I would want to watch “Gypsy” again.

Err that doesn't make it look better for him, that would show he wasn't joining the mutual joke and instead was lashing out, intentionally trying to hurt her.