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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think DD’s taken this a step too far?

524 replies

usernamenotavailible · 29/01/2021 00:22

DH’s birthday is coming up. DD16 just sent me a screenshot of a t-shirt she’s bought him (picture attached). DD is very PC and is big on inclusion, DH is very much not. Won’t add my personal views as I don’t want to influence anyone else, but I’m somewhere in between. AIBU to think DD shouldn’t have bought this and should I do anything?

AIBU to think DD’s taken this a step too far?
OP posts:
CrocodilesCry · 29/01/2021 00:25

Ignoring the sentiment - it's just a waste of a T-shirt if he won't wear it. It's not going to make him more inclusive.

mermaidbunny · 29/01/2021 00:26

I think there’s a time to discuss and debate this issue, but his birthday isn’t it!

borntohula · 29/01/2021 00:26

Haha she's pushing boundaries, that's all. She presumably knows he won't appreciate it.

MissMarpleDarling · 29/01/2021 00:27

If he would not wear it, it is a waste of her money. I quite like it personally. I assume he is judgemental of others and she is reminding him that is not ok.

OkZoomer · 29/01/2021 00:28

Is there a way you could talk to your DD about this? I completely understand how you might feel caught in the middle, as your DH and DD have differing views, and your DD has bought your DH a present that puts this difference in their views into the open.

I also see your DD’s point of view (that she’d like your DH and her dad to come more towards her way of thinking).

Is there a way you could approach your DD quietly about this, if your DH is likely to not appreciate the present?

DioneTheDiabolist · 29/01/2021 00:28

Ask her if she thinks her dad will wear it and maybe have a chat about presents. Remind her they are for the recipient. If it's to make a point, then she'll make that point, (being nearly 16 and knowing everything), but I would ask her to get him a pressie he would like as well.

yahyahs22 · 29/01/2021 00:30

I think its quite a sweet way to say, 'hey dad, I don't agree with you!'
But also a waste of money! She should just accept her dad for who he is and vice verser. Agree to disagree is the way forward with these things

saltinesandcoffeecups · 29/01/2021 00:35

Really I would stay out of it for the most part.

But if you intervene ask what her end goal is... does she want influence his views, if it is this is unlikely to do that and I would explain why. Is she trying to be funny? Chances are this will not be received as funny, and you could give her a counter example of something he could get her as a present.

Can’t wait to see the T-shirt your DH buys her for her birthday.

Personally I think little miss needs to check her wokeness at the door and learn some boundaries.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 29/01/2021 00:43

Personally I think little miss needs to check her wokeness at the door and learn some boundaries.

Pathetic.

ChristOnAPeloton · 29/01/2021 00:43

She’ll soon learn not to push her views on others when she realises he never wears it and she wasted her money.

Sweet666 · 29/01/2021 00:46

I think it's really funny, won't he see the funny side?

DeaconBoo · 29/01/2021 00:48

Kudos to her for bringing trolling into the real world Grin

A book might be more persuasive though. I've heard "Trans like me" by CN Lester is a good one.

Maybe he could buy her the Quran and see if she's open-minded to that. They could start a book group!

Stompythedinosaur · 29/01/2021 00:49

Well, your dd is obviously right to challenge your DH if he doesn't support inclusion. But I don't think that is an appropriate birthday present if it is designed to cause the person who receives in discomfort. Also a waste of money.

Original poster
usernamenotavailible · 29/01/2021 00:49

does she want influence his views

Yes, that was her explanation (believe me, I’ve tried to explain that it won’t work). The problem is that neither are willing to consider the other’s views!

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 29/01/2021 00:52

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Personally I think little miss needs to check her wokeness at the door and learn some boundaries.

Pathetic.

In the history of the world has a tactic like this ever worked to change someone’s views? No

So the point of this ‘present’ is to prove to her father how much better she and her opinion is.

This isn’t a twee little stunt to show they disagree. It’s akin to firing a shot in what I suspect is a long campaign of hers to make him see the errors of his thoughts (in her opinion)

Halo1234 · 29/01/2021 00:52

I dont think that's a big deal at all.
She is comfortable enough to tell her dad she disagrees with him which is brillant. She is also strong and bold enough to try and give what, I would call, a playful nudge to her way of thinking.
I think its quite nice/little bit funny that she got him that.
If he reacts in a laugh it off/ok I will get over it way then jobs a good one.
Why are u bothered? Do u think it will cause an argument on his birthday? It doesn't need to.

She isnt screaming and arguing about it with him just saying her point via a t shirt. No biggie. Imo.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 29/01/2021 00:54

@usernamenotavailible

*does she want influence his views*

Yes, that was her explanation (believe me, I’ve tried to explain that it won’t work). The problem is that neither are willing to consider the other’s views!

Then I suggest staying out of it and letting her learn that lesson the hard way.

Lord knows there will be broken pieces of their relationship to pick up in the future.

Sorry you are in the middle of this OP

FOJN · 29/01/2021 00:56

It's quite a passive aggressive way of forcing her point of view. I'm not sure someone's birthday is the most appropriate time to do that. It's difficult to know whether you should say anything, for me it would depend on how you think DH will react. Is he likely to feel hurt that she couldn't put the difference to one side just for a day or will he shrug it off?

amateursleuth · 29/01/2021 00:56

Can't imagine this going down at all well in reverse. I hope she's prepared to receive something with a slogan she doesn't agree with for her birthday.

I wouldn't say anything though. You'll just be in the firing line then.

whatisthislifesofullofcare · 29/01/2021 00:57

He can wear it to bed.

DeaconBoo · 29/01/2021 00:58

She's hardly "woke" if she chooses to use Amazon. Could be a learning opportunity about the ethics of where we shop...

(Nb I obviously see why people choose Amazon and this isn't intended as an insult to those who do - just an example that seeking perfection and purity in one's principles may end up being problematic....)

Shaniac · 29/01/2021 01:00

If i was her dad i would wear it everywhere to spite her

Sassysally12 · 29/01/2021 01:06

I mean, on her birthday would she like a note from him instead of a gift telling her how fashion pollutes the earth and her joke present pointlessly contributed towards that with a T-shirt he will never wear? Grin no, she wouldn’t. It just seems abit petty and not a good way to deal with people having different views to you. Not saying he’s right here and it’s good she’s open minded but there’s a time and a place for debates and I don’t think his birthday gift is the way to go. Tbh I’d feel a little hurt if after all I do to provide and love my children if they just got me a sarcastic present for my birthday because we disagreed on a topic. Maybe buy a small gift from the kids to soften the blow if she insists on giving it him WinkCake

cordeliae · 29/01/2021 01:09

Fine to give as a gift any other day of the year, but his birthday to put him in a sour mood? No

Riapia · 29/01/2021 01:11

Does she want him to wear it in the women’s toilet,
Will she support him in there?
Let us know her answer, please

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