AIBU to think DD’s taken this a step too far?

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DH’s birthday is coming up. DD16 just sent me a screenshot of a t-shirt she’s bought him (picture attached). DD is very PC and is big on inclusion, DH is very much not. Won’t add my personal views as I don’t want to influence anyone else, but I’m somewhere in between. AIBU to think DD shouldn’t have bought this and should I do anything?

I feel sad for you and those of your ilk whose self esteem is so frail you cannot allow a kid to be a kid.

It’s because I want my kids to be kids, my daughters to be safe, that I feel how I do. I think you’re missing that.

Does he actually want this !?
Waste of money if not

And thankfully, my kids wouldn’t want to buy a present for their dad, that’s for them to make a point, instead of something their dad would like.

at that age they don't get that what they like may be different to what someone else will like

I would expect them to get this by 16, to be honest. Anyone that's ever given a gift before should really have developed an understanding of that.

@Same4Walls

I think it's fantastic and hilarious, classic teenage mini rebellion. Dad needs to be the bigger person and see it for the clumsy teenage communication that it is.

You'd think it fantastic if you'd raised your daughter for 16 years and her first thought for a gift for your birthday was to push her views on you, make a statement and be disrespectful?

This doesn't strike me as a clumsy attempt at communicating it strikes me as a deliberate calculated action with no thought to her father.

That isn't what I wrote, no. You've mixed up your emotions with my words and twisted it together.

Try to be a grown up and accept that teenagers do daft things.

My teens do daft things on a fairly regular basis because they are normal, as do all the teens I know.

And loving supportive parents can appreciate teen behaviour for what it is rather than judge, control and generally be ridiculous about it.

Pick your battles.

I feel sorry for you and your ilk whose self esteem is so frail you cannot allow a kid to be a kid

Seriously? What on earth has it got to do with self esteem?

@borntohula

She's a kid. Stop frothing and get over yourselves.

Some people have suggested that a 16 year old is mature enough to vote. Wales and Scotland have even put this into law.

I would expect them to get this by 16, to be honest. Anyone that's ever given a gift before should really have developed an understanding of that.

Exactly.

it’s ridiculous to suggest a 16 year old wouldn’t know. 🙄 She knows exactly what she’s doing. Silly, silly child who wants to draw attention to herself and her views on her dads birthday. My children have been able to think of things their dad might like for birthdays and Xmas from about age 5.

@changingmine

I have teens, I adore teens, I value humour and letting young people grow. We've all been teens and done dick things, and the family is the soft place to land.
In the big picture this is so mild, so classically teen, it is absolutely to be embraced. It's for the adults to adult and the teens to teen. I feel sad for you and those of your ilk whose self esteem is so frail you cannot allow a kid to be a kid

There is nothing wrong with having differences of opinion, there is also nothing wrong in teenagers having strong opinions, but most parents would be teaching to both talk and listen (obviously if only talking works in your household then ....).
This is not a discussion about a subject, this is a way to undermine a parent, and to devalue their worth. It is the DF's birthday, the gift he is given should be something to celebrate his day.

I too have teens and if what you have said is true, you have brought your kids up to be thoughtless, selfish, bullying and controlling. I feel sorry for them, in their future interactions with people and also your DF, who can not expect any support from you at all.

Try to be a grown up and accept that teenagers do daft things

If you think this is genuinely a teen just doing a daft thing you have very low opinions on how switched on teens are. She knows exactly what she is doing by giving this as a gift and I'd hazard a guess that her motivation is anything but that of a clumsy daft mistake.

Well how would she feel if he sent her the opposite of that.

I'd be encouraging him to do so!

Try to be a grown up and accept that teenagers do daft things.

I suppose it depends on your definition of daft. To me a daft thing would be along the lines of swiping the last chocolate. This is different. She's using her dad's birthday present to make an unwanted point. That's not daft, it's selfish and immature. She's using what should be a happy occasion to point score and pick a fight.

I really hate the term ‘woke’ with a passion. It tends to be used by person who regularly say, ‘I’m not racist but ...’*

No, it isn't.

All kinds of people are heartily sick of performative wokeness and cancel culture, including many left wing, open-minded people who may even have a foot in one or more marginalised categories.

She's using what should be a happy occasion to point score and pick a fight.

Yep. She wouldn’t get the reaction she wanted in my house on a birthday. She’d be told to go to her room if she doesn’t want to celebrate with us.

@changingmine

My teens do daft things on a fairly regular basis because they are normal, as do all the teens I know.

I think this maybe the crux of our issue. You think is is a daft thing, I personal do not. Buying a tee shirt 3 sizes too big would be daft, buying a tee shirt with a message i don't agree with and you know I don't is something else all together,

Oh it’s for husband
Oh dear !!!
Thought for brother

@SunsetBeetch

All kinds of people are heartily sick of performative wokeness and cancel culture, including many left wing, open-minded people who may even have a foot in one or more marginalised categories.

Absolutely this!

signalbox good explanation. I think some also hold by that ‘reasoning’ that a lesbian who says she does not, or simply does not, find trans women sexually attractive is also transphobic.

Trans women should have been ‘transwomen’ I think. The space may have been seen to be transphobic!?

I have teens, I adore teens, I value humour and letting young people grow. We've all been teens and done dick things, and the family is the soft place to land.
In the big picture this is so mild, so classically teen, it is absolutely to be embraced. It's for the adults to adult and the teens to teen. I feel sad for you and those of your ilk whose self esteem is so frail you cannot allow a kid to be a kid

I agree with everything in your first paragraph. But a soft landing means being set right when you do a dick thing, not being fondly indulged for it.

Shit present.

As I think someone mentioned up thread, I would tackle this from a fast fashion/waste/environment issue.

If she is interested and concerned about the environment, this should get through to her, in a way that doesn't cause issues

Even when my kids were little they understood that a) you give someone a gift to make them happy and b) you buy something that they like, which might be different from what you like.

If even younger children get that, the only possible reason for the DD in this OP to buy what she has, is to humiliate her father.

If she doesn't realise that what she's about to do is also really going to hurt him, then she is spectacularly lacking in empathy. He's her dad. From his perspective, the daughter he loves will have set out to hurt him on his birthday.

@HeronLanyon

Trans women should have been ‘transwomen’ I think. The space may have been seen to be transphobic!?

No I believe it's the other way round. The space is meant to indicate "trans" is an adjective, of no more importance than "old", "French", etc. Whereas transwoman is a portmanteau word like seahorse (not an actual horse), hedgehog (not an actual pig), etc.

The "space wars" are really about whether you think "Transwomen/ trans women are women" is a polite fiction or a literal assertion of truth.

@HeronLanyon

Trans women should have been ‘transwomen’ I think. The space may have been seen to be transphobic!?

It’s the opposite Heron! The space is preferred because then it makes ‘trans’ an adjective modifying woman. Not leaving a space is viewed as transphobic.