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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DD’s taken this a step too far?

524 replies

usernamenotavailible · 29/01/2021 00:22

DH’s birthday is coming up. DD16 just sent me a screenshot of a t-shirt she’s bought him (picture attached). DD is very PC and is big on inclusion, DH is very much not. Won’t add my personal views as I don’t want to influence anyone else, but I’m somewhere in between. AIBU to think DD shouldn’t have bought this and should I do anything?

AIBU to think DD’s taken this a step too far?
OP posts:
eatlovemerry · 29/01/2021 01:11

Tell him to buy her the dictionary definition of a woman t-shirt for her birthday 🤷🏻‍♀️

Or you could remind her that it's his birthday and it's supposed to be about him...

LizFlowers · 29/01/2021 01:12

I don't think it is an appropriate gift if your husband has misgivings on that subject.

SabrinaMorningstar · 29/01/2021 01:15

I think she's missed the point of birthday presents; doesn't understand tolerance and doesn't know how to be persuasive so is resorting to being passive aggressive.
Only you know if this 'gift' is designed to annoy him, start an argument and turn the focus of the day on to her views. If so, I'd point out how selfish that is and suggest she keep the t-shirt for a different day. It's not a real birthday present anyway.

MartiniDry · 29/01/2021 01:16

Ignore it. Let her get on with it. Sixteen is more than old enough to learn about manners, common sense, gift etiquette, respect, and good/bad use of limited funds.

In time she'll hopefully learn about the erasure of the word "woman", and what that means for her sex, too. 😉

LouiseBelchersBunnyEars · 29/01/2021 01:18

@Riapia

Does she want him to wear it in the women’s toilet, Will she support him in there? Let us know her answer, please
Exactly
LouiseBelchersBunnyEars · 29/01/2021 01:19

@SabrinaMorningstar

I think she's missed the point of birthday presents; doesn't understand tolerance and doesn't know how to be persuasive so is resorting to being passive aggressive. Only you know if this 'gift' is designed to annoy him, start an argument and turn the focus of the day on to her views. If so, I'd point out how selfish that is and suggest she keep the t-shirt for a different day. It's not a real birthday present anyway.
And also this! She sounds like an attention seeker, wanting to divert the attention in his birthday to her.

Can’t abide people who do this.

BananaPop2020 · 29/01/2021 01:24

This is totally inappropriate, and will do nothing but bring trouble. How would she feel if the boot were on the other foot?

Boltonb · 29/01/2021 01:26

It’s pathetic. It’s a waste of money, and it’s needlessly inflammatory on his birthday. She’s entitled to her opinion, but pulling a little stunt like this, instead of actually thinking about and buying a thoughtful present that her dad will like, would piss me off.

It’s entitled and wasteful, and I’d be inclined to do something similarly stupid for her birthday to teach her a lesson in manners and respect

HoppingPavlova · 29/01/2021 01:28

Complete dick move but it’s pretty much what teens of that age are renowned for.

FossilisedFanny · 29/01/2021 01:38

It’s a terrible present, I would be upset if I were her dad.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 29/01/2021 01:38

Maybe buy her a 'woman = adult human female' t-shirt and see what she thinks.

Bythemillpond · 29/01/2021 01:39

I thought birthday presents were about finding something that the person receiving the present would enjoy.

I think your daughter needs to look at what her dad wants and not what she wants to give him

Also did misread it initially. “Some People are Trains”

OliviaPopeRules · 29/01/2021 01:40

I think it's childish and pathetic but then she is only 16 I was probably a bit of a know it all dick when I was 16 too!

lockdownshmockdown · 29/01/2021 01:49

It's embarrassing and hopefully in years to come she'll cringe that she did such a thing. We all did daft things when we were young and most of us went through a self-assured, self-righteous phase.

Mittens030869 · 29/01/2021 01:58

* Personally I think little miss needs to check her wokeness at the door and learn some boundaries.*

I really hate the term ‘woke’ with a passion. It tends to be used by person who regularly say, ‘I’m not racist but ...’

I don’t think the present was appropriate, however. It’s important your DD feels free to express her views with her dad, but his birthday should be separate from that.

Longdistance · 29/01/2021 02:02

It’ll make a good duster.

Lollypop701 · 29/01/2021 02:05

You really need to ask her if her intention is to wind her dad up on his birthday, and if she would be happy for a gift for her own birthday in a similar vein. She’s not thought this through. If she HAS thought in through then honestly, she’s being a bit of a cow and setting up an argument with her dad on his birthday. I don’t think I’d let her give it

Mittens030869 · 29/01/2021 02:05

It tends to be used by person who regularly say, ‘I’m not racist but ...’

That should have said 'people'. Blush

LadyDique · 29/01/2021 02:06

Tell him to buy her the dictionary definition of a woman t-shirt for her birthday

She's being an entitled, passive aggressive brat.

I'm terms of what I would do, I have fairly strong feelings on the current trans fuckery so I'd tell him and buy the t-shirt mentioned above.

Then when she gives it to him he can return the favour immediately.

SD1978 · 29/01/2021 02:06

I disagree with her- she's young but he missed the point. If he bought her a similar sentiment but opposing, and that was her birthday present, can guarantee she wouldn't be impressed. It's disrespectful in my opinion, and shows no consideration to her dad, on his birthday. Not the time, or the place and if I was him, I'd be very disappointed.

SD1978 · 29/01/2021 02:09

And agree with other responders- I'd be buying her a t shirt with woman = adult human female for her birthday and if she complained would be using it as a learning experience.

borntohula · 29/01/2021 02:21

She's a kid. Stop frothing and get over yourselves.

gutful · 29/01/2021 02:22

Your husband’s views on trans people are irrelevant here.

A gift should be thoughtful & be something g you think the person would like to receive.

This is a selfish gift which he doesn’t want.

That’s the problem !

gutful · 29/01/2021 02:23

Using a gift to make a point to someone is not a nice thing to do. Like giving a gym membership to an overweight person.

It’s mean & not in the spirit of gift giving.

NoIDontLikeTrains · 29/01/2021 02:24

She's deliberately and pointedly not bought her dad a birthday present. That's pretty hurtful.

In addition to that, she's chosen to utilise his birthday to fire a shot in her debate with him, to highlight the division between them, and to attempt to invalidate his opinions by suggesting he carry a sentiment he strongly disagrees with on his own body.

It's deeply insulting.