AIBU to think DD’s taken this a step too far?

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DH’s birthday is coming up. DD16 just sent me a screenshot of a t-shirt she’s bought him (picture attached). DD is very PC and is big on inclusion, DH is very much not. Won’t add my personal views as I don’t want to influence anyone else, but I’m somewhere in between. AIBU to think DD shouldn’t have bought this and should I do anything?

It’s disrespectful, and it isn’t just the slogan, it’s who designed it and their wider campaigning aims. Wearing that isn’t just a mild, inclusive statement of ‘people exist, don’t mistreat them’. It’s aligning yourself with a lesbophobic campaign that has explicitly tried to remove women’s rights in law.

I think giving a present back is usually the height of rudeness, but in this case he’d be quite reasonable to do so. Maybe it’s time to stop doing presents for adults if this is what DD considers appropriate.

She's being purposefully goady, what a waste of a t shirt as well as he won't wear it. Maybe she could learn some respect for the opinions of others, or how clothing is a huge contributor to the destruction of the planet

Explain to her that a present is for the recipient to enjoy, not for the giver to feel smug.

I'd be really gutted to have raised a child who wants to upset her Dad on his birthday (unless he was a complete wanker -then 🤷🏻‍♀️)

But do continue buying ‘educational” t-shirts for adults as ‘birthday presents’?

well no, it's extremely mean of her. But OP knows both parties. So in her shoes I'd say "sure you feel very strongly about this, but is his birthday a good time to do this? how would you feel?"

Honestly, my DC are as inclusive (Woke, if you like - it's not an insult) as all get out, but they know better than to do this to someone on their birthday.

What @Sassysally12 said x

It's just mean on his birthday. By all means challenge him and discuss any other time but his birthday is not the time.

Ask her if she would wear a slogan t-shirt with his views. She's being very immature. Aggressively pushing your views is guaranteed to have the opposite effect, it just pisses people off; she needs to learn that a) you need to listen to the opinions of people who don't agree with you (even if it's just in order to improve persuasion against the view they hold) and b) that a carrot gets you further than a stick - carrot coloured doesn't count(!)

I would be so disappointed in DD if she did this.

I don’t think this is the normal, run of the mill dickishness that 16 year olds are prone to. I’d say that kind of dickishness is usually a result of thoughtlessness, hot headedness, not thinking through consequences. This is really calculated, and it’s mean spiritited “hey it’s your birthday, have some re education, you poor wrong headed fool”. Most kids are able to master that gift giving is about making the recipient feel good before they’re in double figures.

Mean spirited, regardless of your position on gender.

She does want a reaction, though, so I would de escalate by whatever means you think is likely to take the wind out of her sails most effectively. I think making the point about fast fashion and exploitative labour practices might be the way.

Typical transactivist, pushing her views onto others and not respecting their right to disagree. I'd be ashamed, personally.

if your husband really is bigoted enough that he’ll get angry... there won’t BE a relationship worth salvaging between him and your daughter in a few years time.

Words fail me if a child thinks a parent’s upset about caring about women’s sex based rights should lead to them going NC and leading a life with like minded activists. If anyone feels that intensely it goes to prove the trans agenda is a global cult (financed by billionaires) from which people she need deprogramming.

Honestly, my DC are as inclusive (Woke, if you like - it's not an insult) as all get out, but they know better than to do this to someone on their birthday.

Inclusive and woke aren’t synonyms. I know this is a little pedantic for this discussion, but I am inclusive - I’d never be cruel or exclude a transperson from my social circle or my usual fair treatment of human beings. That doesn’t mean I believe their ideology.

I don't get what's 'funny' about it. Am I missing something?

He could cross out “trans” and write “woke” and then wear it every day until it falls into rags.

Maybe raise the environmental factor of waste if you know he won't wear it.

What a great educational gift idea! I mean who hasn't completely changed their own views by wearing a slogan they disagree with (or after reading a slogan on someone's t-shirt?)

It's a rather strange statement.
Trans people exist. That's why their is currently disagreement over how their 'rights' should be accepted, while balancing sex based rights
If they didn't exist, there would be no argument.

So unless your DH currently denies the existence of Trans people...

@whiteroseredrose

He can buy an indelible marker and cross out the bottom bit and replace with BUT THEY WILL NEVER BE THE REAL THING.

Absolutely this!

Better still, you could do it before she wraps it.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Personally I think little miss needs to check her wokeness at the door and learn some boundaries.

Pathetic.

Not pathetic at all. Op is raising a child. Teaching her that her fathers birthday isn’t the time to challenge what she perceives to be his character flaws is part of being a parent. Little miss is being a rude little madam. And she should be told to check herself.

Is it because she said the word ‘trans’?

Leaving aside any debate about that particular t-shirt, it's totally pointless to buy someone a slogan t-shirt with a slogan they don't agree with.

It's simply a childish way of winding someone up - unless the donor is daft enough to believe that putting on a t-shirt will change someone's opinion.

@SmeleanorSmellstrop

It's just a joke gift.

I agree. Would dh take it in good humour, or would he be offended by it? The answer would determine whether it’s a suitable gift or not.

He could use it as a car cleaning cloth.

Does she realise in the world you can't force your opinion on others? Would she like to receive a present to make her change her opinion on something ? And a birthday isn't the time to do it , you but a gift the person may like or not bother at all.
She should wear the t shirt herself though as represents her views

I think it is a really spiteful and ungrateful thing to do, and that a 16 year old should be a little more mature than that.

If I had a daughter who bought that for me, I would probably find it funny more than anything else and would certainly enjoy the retelling story as she gets older. It sounds like your daughter is quite a character.