AIBU to think DD’s taken this a step too far?

[usernamenotavailible]

DH’s birthday is coming up. DD16 just sent me a screenshot of a t-shirt she’s bought him (picture attached). DD is very PC and is big on inclusion, DH is very much not. Won’t add my personal views as I don’t want to influence anyone else, but I’m somewhere in between. AIBU to think DD shouldn’t have bought this and should I do anything?

@Hawkins001

society needs to be an open and inclusive one and accepting of all people's preferences and accepting of all, therefore views that may have been common in years past, why should outdated views still be considered acceptable today ?

But in this case the outdated view is the one that the T shirt is endorsing. The view that how someone dresses or feels is influenced by whether they are a man or a woman. You don't get much more outdated than that.

With regards to the t-shirt as a birthday gift, I'd definitely be mentioning the purity spirals and the fact that whilst she may think her views are beyond reproach, she will find that they are not, and people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Not to mention pointing out that regardless of the slogan on the t-shirt, it is just rude to make a birthday gift about the giver.

If I were him I would turn it all into a (passive aggressive) joke.

I would sew a letter I between the a and the n, making the word trains. Them I would get an iron on Thomas the Tank engine patch and add that to the T shirt. Then I would wear the T shirt around the house, saying "toot toot" occasionally. After all, some people are trains.

That is a rubbish, mean, stupid present. It’s his birthday, her own dad and she gets him something which would be worse than nothing. I hope he gives her it back wrapped up as her birthday present.

Classic teen behaviour. Torrington but I’d think we’ve all been there done that in one way or another.
She could attach label something along lines of ‘if you don’t want it then please accept it as your next gift to me !’
I’d personally have a quiet word - totally get it/kind of funny/but for his birthday why go out of your way to antagonise type ‘light’ approach (can see that going spectacularly wrong).

wellthat 100% agree. It sometimes feels we’ve gone back many decades.

We're in the middle of a pandemic so he won't be going many places! It's fine for her to give it, and fine for him not to wear it.

Bit of a weird Idea for a birthday present but obviously a true statement- he, a grown man, should indeed get over it

Personally I think little miss needs to check her wokeness at the door and learn some boundaries.

Well she’s clearly try to provoke an argument and piss him off. You should tell your husband what she’s done. When he opens it she’s going to be desperate for a negative reaction so if he has a response ready that she’s not expecting she really won’t like it. If she wants to play childish games then join in. She might learn something

Please try to talk her out of it and put a stop to this idea of passive-aggressive present giving. It’ll spare us many an AIBU thread in future from other disgruntled recipients of her ‘gifts’.

Your daughter is BVVVVU. How selfish can you be to give someone you’re meant to love a passive aggressive gift on their birthday.

Trans issue aside, I think it's quite a nasty thing to do, and I'd be telling her.

Sad to see that some people think that this level of spite and selfishness is normal and acceptable. If any of my dc had behaved like that I would be very disappointed.

She is being thoughtless and entitled. Does she not like her father? She seems to want to piss him off.

I see that's the men's size- what other options are there?

I disagree with many of the opinions here. I think it's quite a desperate message of c'mon Dad, just like and accept me (although I missed whether you said she is?)
I do agree it's part of being 16, pushing the boundaries etc. Just warn your DH.

As long as she is equally happy for him to get her this on her birthday and will accept it in as much good humour as she expects him to.

‘Some people are trans, get over it’ really is a vague notion that papers over a lot of the problems of the recent movement.

I’ve seen people arguing that trans women literally are women, and should be treated as such at all times and never, ever reminded of reality.

Even when pointed out that this could kill them (blood transfusion from a pregnant female donor, no testicular cancer checks even after SRS etc.) they still blindly insist it.

It is a disturbing movement and hardly makes your daughter morally superior that she accepts it all without question.

@TorchesTorches

If I were him I would turn it all into a (passive aggressive) joke.

I would sew a letter I between the a and the n, making the word trains. Them I would get an iron on Thomas the Tank engine patch and add that to the T shirt. Then I would wear the T shirt around the house, saying "toot toot" occasionally. After all, some people are trains.

Please show this thread to your DH op, you’ll be as bad as your spiteful daughter if you don’t forewarn him.

And if he does this it would be hilarious 😂

He might put a brave face on, laugh it off or just get upset or be unhappy, but that’s not the point. Presents are meant to be for the recipient, not to prove a point.

She’s 16 and therefore she is old enough to understand that she wouldn’t like receiving gifts that would make her upset. If he bought her a t-shirt that said “Some people have different views. Get over it” or “Woman is not a feeling” or even a t-shirt with the definition of a female, would she like that? Hopefully, she’ll realize that just as she won’t like receiving something she disagrees with on her birthday, neither will her father.

This would be a red rag to me and would want to cut it up in front my dd if she did this and use as a rag to clean the Windows or lawnmower etc or use a fabric pen to deface it (do you have one of these?) But that would perhaps be giving her the reaction she craves.

Maybe your dd needs a non reaction, which is why I would give your dh a heads up. In any case, his reaction needs to be not the one she craves.

Even better, show both your DH and daughter the thread....

I had many political disagreements with my father growing up. We’d time outr discussions for when other people wouldn’t have to listen (nothing more monotonous than listening to something you don’t care about, but two other people passionately do) and have a good old debate.

No passive aggressiveness full stop, but then we used to understand that no opinion/position was without negatives and that others had a right to hold a different one.

I’ve just thought of an idea.

Why not buy your dh a t shirt with woman = adult human female? Or woman is not a feeling t-shirt. He can then open the gift, say he’ll go and try it on then come back with the t-shirt you bought him on.

I'd tell her it's fine to give her dad a gift she knows he doesn't want as long as she's prepared for the fact he well might do the same for her birthday.

It's just a joke gift.