To think he should pay more board?

[FlamedToACrisp]

My DH's son lives with us. He moved in 4 years ago, and lives on benefits due to MH problems. It is not expected that he will move out for several more years.

We all agreed it would be fair if he contributed £50 a week towards his board. Later he wanted more storage, so we bought a shed for £689 - he pays £5 a week to rent it, but we own it. Other than that, he has not increased the amount he contributes. He has had an increase in his benefits, but it was for increased needs, not a cost-of-living increase AFAIK.

If you have a relative living with you, how often would you expect them to increase the amount they pay - if ever?

How much do yours pay?

WIBU to ask for an increase, basically?

Min income should say £597

THREE SHEDS. I've just read that. Do you buy and hoard "collectibles" (aka tat) as well?

It very much depends on what he gets in benefits. £220pm from £700pm doesn't sound unreasonable, although I'd probably be loathe to increase it unless you really need the money.

You're not BU to want him to do his fair share around the house though.

Not only that, but the space it takes up in our garden is space we have paid for and can't use

Fucking hell. I've heard it all now.

So min income p/mth £593487.

On that income, I imagine he could buy himself a top-of-the-range shed.

And what happens if the adult refuses to help around the house and livrs there for free.... then what?

You really need to ask me that?

He also, isn't living there for free so not sure of your point.

As many others have said you do sound very petty,resentful and tight saying what you have been. I'm sure if it had been your own child then you wouldn't have been so quick to be moaning on here about it. I can imagine it must be a bit frustrating having a young adult living with you but at the end of the day they are family and obviously in need so I would do what I could. £55 a week sounds pretty fair to be honest.

It depends whether you want to cover the additional costs of his living with you or make a profit.

@gamerchick

And what happens if the adult refuses to help around the house and livrs there for free.... then what?

You really need to ask me that?

He also, isn't living there for free so not sure of your point.

You said he shouldn't be charged, but instead contribute to the household by helping.

What if he refuses to do that?

I’d resent subsidising a grown man too. Bills don’t stop for mental health issues.

He isn’t OP’s son but she’s dealing with the financial burden of an adult. Why isn’t it ok to resent that?

I presume everyone that thinks that is ok is also subsidising another adult in their lives? Welcoming them into their homes and cooking their tea?

OP I believe this is a question for your husband. Should we increase his sons rent or contribution rather? How is the increased amount going to help toward your bills ( I doubt it will make a difference). Then we can move to the separate issue around him pulling his weight as I sense this is the main issue. I feel if he was paying £5 but pulling his weight the thought of an increase won't cross your mind.

All the best as not easy.

@Butchyrestingface

So min income p/mth £593487.

On that income, I imagine he could buy himself a top-of-the-range shed.

Haha! A top of the range house depending on location too!

You are charging your son (step but shouldn't matter really) money who lives with you?! And he has mh problems? And you are talking about renting a space in a shed? Wow. Unbelievable.. Maybe some deeper issues there with the son being step etc.

£50 a week sounds fine to me, my DS2 pays £160 a month and not only does he work full time, but theres just the 2 of us (so only my income in addition to run the house)
I think you should have a little more care, seeing as he has mental health problems, its not all about the money and i'm sensing some resentment which he could be picking up on.

The ignorance of some posters on this thread about mental health conditions is staggering!!!

@dchange

OP I believe this is a question for your husband. Should we increase his sons rent or contribution rather? How is the increased amount going to help toward your bills ( I doubt it will make a difference). Then we can move to the separate issue around him pulling his weight as I sense this is the main issue. I feel if he was paying £5 but pulling his weight the thought of an increase won't cross your mind.

All the best as not easy.

I also sense that this is the real issue,@dchange, the OP might be completely fed up with providing a maid service.

She needs to talk it through with her husband and find a reasonable solution- and it’s probably doing a few chores, rather than money.

Some people rent 3 bed houses for £400 a month, I think £200 a month is enough. He's sick...

Get his dad to talk to him about doing more around the house.

I think £50 a week is more than enough if he is on disability benefits? It's not like he has a well paid job and is a bum.

I think you sound quite mean, especially regarding the shed. Just my opinion.

OPs next thread: 'AIBU to ask my stepson to live in the shed?'

Honestly if you don't want him living with you, you need to have a difficult conversation with you DH. Whether you believe it or not, if you're not in need of the money (ie you can afford to keep him without the rent) and you're charging him that much and quibbling about renting shed space, then you do resent him. You feel he owes you more, and you feel that way because you don't want him there in the first place.

Most parents in this situation, if they do charge rent, put it aside for their child. Eg as savings for when emergencies crop up, or for those who are working, for things like house deposits. If he has such significant MH issues to be on higher rate benefits (no mean feat these days) the sad fact is he's unlikely to have a safety net. It might seem like he's got enough now, but while disability benefits might allow for little niceties like takeaways it's nothing compared to the security of a wage.

He doesn't pay for food, or contribute to utility bills. If he moved out, we wouldn't have a lodger, we would be glad of the space

If you don’t need the money why not keep his rent the same (depending on how much he gets) and ask him to start pulling his weight more around the house depending on his abilities.

Who cooks for him?
If you and DH cook could he then wash up? It is not just about how you feel it’s also about him learning skills he can use if he ever is able to live alone.

Sorry OP im confused, you need to need quite a lot of support for PIP for MH, yet you said he pays for driving lessons?

I can’t help but wonder if this thread would exist if it was your own child?

Gosh you sound horrible. Mean, tight fisted and resentful. You just don't want your partner's son there. Have you spoken to your partner? I really hope his vulnerable son doesn't pick up on the fact you can't stand him being there.

I paid £50 a week to my mum at age 16 when I got my first crap little job so YANBU for a grown adult to pay so little.

I think £50 a week is reasonable in his circumstances unless you are hard up and need more.

When my son had mental health problems Oever charged him for living with me. The only thing we agreed was that he would buy and cook his own food as I dont like cooking so everyone in the house does their own. Hes my son I help him out when he needs me.