Single Parent Joining The Army

[wannabesolider]

Hello!

Posting here mostly for traffic!

I am in the midst of a uni application for nursing, I am mostly certain I will be successful in gaining a place, I already have the grades (equivalent to 3 A's at A-Level). Once I have an offer I am debating whether to join the army and nurses are a high priority trade they are recruiting for, also the generous bursary they offer is appealing. I'm just looking for advice on whether it is feasible or just a pipe dream.

DD will be 3 by the time my degree starts and will be 6 before I commence army training and start serving, I do have childcare options for deployment between family and a nanny and then once old enough will look at the option to place her in boarding school.

Does anyone have experience as a single parent in the forces? Aibu to even think about it?

I am aware of the forces lifestyle as I was a military brat myself that went to boarding school (cheap private school fees is a bonus!). However, my parents were together until my mid teens and I was already at boarding school. My daughter's father has no involvement.

Sorry, but I would not join the military as a single parent. I think it would be horribly unfair and disruptive for your daughter. During her pre-teen and teen years, she's really going to need you and stability.

@Aquamarine1029 thank you, I appreciate your opinion. What do teens at boarding school do? Are they pulled out of boarding school because they need their parents?

I’ve got a friend who has fairly recently gone through military officer training. Her DC was able to live with their dad while she was on that, then they went back to normal sharing arrangements once my friend got her military quarter. It’s possible but it’s hard work.

Teens at boarding school have to cope on their own. Personally, I would never have sent my children to boarding school. I wanted them home with me in our loving home. For their sake as well as mine. Their childhood goes by so fast, and I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on any of it. My kids are adults now, and I very much enjoyed the teen years. They came to me very often with issues so I could help, and I'm very grateful to have had that time.

That wouldn't work for me. I did a 3 year NHS degree as a single parent, it was very stressful juggling the needs of my family with academic work and placement hours. Once qualified I was desperate for more time with my kids.
Perhaps do the nursing degree, then decide whether or not to join the army.

I cannot fathom why you'd do this to your child.

So from the age of 6 her primary carer will be various family members or a Nanny? It would presumably have to be a 24/7 Nanny whilst you're away?

And then as soon as she's old enough, boarding school - what would happen on her holidays? What if you're time home clashes with her time away and your gone again before she gets holidays?

@Aquamarine1029 that's fine if that is what suits you, I however, loved boarding school! I suppose that doesn't me she will.

How old are you op?

@Aquamarine1029 that's fine if that is what suits you, I however, loved boarding school!

Then why are you bothering to ask for other people's opinions?

Just think about what would really be best for your child, not your career.

@SleepingStandingUp not various family members - one family member for times I am on deployment, but before and after school care whilst said family member is at work. If was abroad on deployment whilst she was on holiday from school, again same as myself she would stay at with a family member. The family member is my mother, she was in the forces herself as her parents took care of us so she is supportive. Boarding school was the idea for stability.

I know it isn't an average job, but whilst at home it won't really be any different to a 'normal' nursing job in the NHS.

@Aquamarine1029 to see other people's thoughts on whether it could work, not for people's opinions on boarding school.

@SleepingStandingUp 28.

TA/reserve - yes, join while you are a student, it's good experience and doesn't take you away for long periods of time.

Regular army - nope, not unless you are willing to moved across the country away from your current support network.

@RoomOfRequirement do what? Perhaps I just don't see it, as I lived and know nothing else. I was in full time childcare at just under 4 months old so maybe I can't see it being anything but normal.

@wannabesolider only you know your child and how she is likely to cope with being raised like this. If you think that it will work well for yourself and your child then go for it. You will be setting her an amazing example.

This post just sounds very selfish. Basically it's all about you and working out who you can fob your poor child off to, so you can enjoy your career. Your child won't know either parent basically. But, sounds like you'd be ok with that?

I think this plan sounds a bit nuts (as well as selfish). Who is the parent, doing the actual parenting, when you are away ?

She will be six. That's so so young. She doesn't need a nanny, she needs a parent and all the love and security a parent provides.

You are essentially putting your own child into something akin to foster care, not for health reasons or ANY good reason other than you want to be a soldier? Really?

YAB absolutely unreasonable.

@IDKNABYBIF22 thank you, that is another option I was looking at

@themental it is absolutely nothing like foster care, foster care is provided by strangers.

I don’t know how many single serving mums are on MN OP, but I’d imagine they’re your best source of reliable info. Don’t just look at the Army, the RAF would probably be a good fit for you, and I happen to know officer training for qualified nurses is only 12 weeks.

Absolutely not a chance would I be sending my daughter to live here and there while I further my career. Especially if she already had one parent who couldn't be bothered with her. I fit in with what's best for my child, not my child fitting in with what's best for me.

Hmmm just a thought , why don’t you put your child in long term foster care & see if you could have visiting rights , what do you think?

It’s fine. In my industry I have mixed with and worked alongside many military personnel including sole parents of children. As a nurse, you’d only be deployed to green zones or to medical centers nowhere near a hot zone. The pension and benefits are fantastic. In peacetime, it’s often no different from a regular nursing job with NHS. You may get posted to interesting locations, but often these are accompanied and they have provisions for schools and housing for you and you child. You could live in Cyprus for example, or on Ascension. It’s not going to harm your child. If anything, they will grow up internationally like many other children- children of diplomats and so on.

@Sisiwawa clearly people on here think the army means spending 52 weeks a year abroad away from their families.

It's about job stability, providing for my family amongst other benefits of the forces.

Should military people not have children?