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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Single Parent Joining The Army

432 replies

wannabesolider · 16/01/2021 23:52

Hello!

Posting here mostly for traffic!

I am in the midst of a uni application for nursing, I am mostly certain I will be successful in gaining a place, I already have the grades (equivalent to 3 A's at A-Level). Once I have an offer I am debating whether to join the army and nurses are a high priority trade they are recruiting for, also the generous bursary they offer is appealing. I'm just looking for advice on whether it is feasible or just a pipe dream.

DD will be 3 by the time my degree starts and will be 6 before I commence army training and start serving, I do have childcare options for deployment between family and a nanny and then once old enough will look at the option to place her in boarding school.

Does anyone have experience as a single parent in the forces? Aibu to even think about it?

I am aware of the forces lifestyle as I was a military brat myself that went to boarding school (cheap private school fees is a bonus!). However, my parents were together until my mid teens and I was already at boarding school. My daughter's father has no involvement.

OP posts:
luminar · 17/01/2021 01:43

If you ask in military forums you are unlikely to get people aknowledging if what they are doing isnt right for their child

I think that's probably why OP has been so defensive for the whole thread, even though lots of valid concerns have been raised.

OP has only changed her tune and turned the defensiveness down a notch when I pointed out that a poster came forward and spelled out the reality (which, who'd have guessed it, is nothing like regular nursing!)

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 01:44

Sounds like kimchi is always right.

Anyway I'm out. It's passed my bed time.

OP posts:
Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 01:46

@luminar not at all, possibly coming across as defensive, however I'm tired and that wasn't how it was meant to be. I have not said at any point in this thread that I had already made up my mind, which seems to be what people think here.

OP posts:
Heyahun · 17/01/2021 01:47

Wow people are really judgmental on here ! Whatever if you wouldn’t do this yourself (I wouldn’t)
But heaps of kids go to boarding school (my husband did)

I have a friend who grew up in Saudi - her dad worked there and she went to boarding school!

I know of several families where dad was in the army and the mum and kids travelled round with him - and eventually the kids were put in boarding school when a bit older and the mum continued to travel with dad except for school holidays!

It’s very common tbh and the only reason the op is getting shit it because she’s a woman and a single mum - if it were dad doing it I reckon people wouldn’t be as judgmental!

Op - do what works for you! Maybe your daughter will love boarding school and this lifestyle - who knows !!

Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 01:48

@wannabesolider

Sounds like kimchi is always right.

Anyway I'm out. It's passed my bed time.

No, Kimchi just disagrees with you. It's allowed,

As i said 3 pages ago you are just wanting a board full of people telling you you're right, so why on earth you would pick AIBU I don't know. As PP said, if you know as many military people as you say, they could better advise you.

Why you are so defensive is beyond me.

Iamthewombat · 17/01/2021 01:52

That's why I can't understand why you are being so blinkered, obtuse and aggressively defensive in perfectly reasonable questions /opinions...that you asked for.

Well, what she asked for was input from people who had served in the army, ideally as a single parent, so that she could understand their experiences.

She didn’t ask for a pasting from people who haven’t been in that position but wanted to drop in to tell her that she’s a terrible mother or that they disapprove of boarding schools.

I can see why she’s on the defensive. It tends to happen when people are attacked.

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 01:57

@Wheresmykimchi and I'm allowed disagree with you.

OP posts:
BlameItOnTheWhisky · 17/01/2021 01:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 01:59

@Iamthewombat thank you 🙏

Someone actually gets it Smile

OP posts:
BlameItOnTheWhisky · 17/01/2021 02:00

And now the dramatic exit and re entry.

Hi OP ........... again ........👋 🙄

Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 02:00

[quote wannabesolider]@Wheresmykimchi and I'm allowed disagree with you.[/quote]
Course you are. That's what discussion is about, i never said I'm alwayrs right. You put that on me. What you do ultimately is up to you, it's your destiny. It's only an opinion. and you know what folk say about opinions....

Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 02:00

This reply has been deleted

Post references deleted post Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 02:01

@BlameItOnTheWhisky it's late at night, it was on my mind and I was hoping that I would maybe get forces/ex forces personnel on here to give me their unbiased opinions. Not know it alls without any experience of the forces ranting at me.

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 02:01

@Iamthewombat

That's why I can't understand why you are being so blinkered, obtuse and aggressively defensive in perfectly reasonable questions /opinions...that you asked for.

Well, what she asked for was input from people who had served in the army, ideally as a single parent, so that she could understand their experiences.

She didn’t ask for a pasting from people who haven’t been in that position but wanted to drop in to tell her that she’s a terrible mother or that they disapprove of boarding schools.

I can see why she’s on the defensive. It tends to happen when people are attacked.

I didn't say either of those things to her

However, she posted it on a PARENTING site.

Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 02:02

[quote wannabesolider]@BlameItOnTheWhisky it's late at night, it was on my mind and I was hoping that I would maybe get forces/ex forces personnel on here to give me their unbiased opinions. Not know it alls without any experience of the forces ranting at me.[/quote]
You came onto an AIBU section of a parenting site (known for its rants and opinions) to see if on the off chance you could get someone in the forces to tell you about life in the army (but didn't want opinions from 'know it alls').

Nat. Don't buy it. Good luck whatever you decide, OP.

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 02:02

@BlameItOnTheWhisky it wasn't a dramatic exit Hmm

I've not fallen asleep and I saw a nice comment and then some other comments so replied.

OP posts:
Sunbird24 · 17/01/2021 02:04

Tbf, it is a parenting question!
And once you’ve expressed your disagreement with an OP why keep on posting over multiple pages? You know you’re not going to achieve anything...

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 02:06

@Wheresmykimchi lots of people who aren't parents on here so you don't need shout about it being a parenting website for goodness sake. I haven't been on mumsnet long, I didn't think I'd get this much stick, I just know this gets quite a bit of traffic - I have seen the MN hysteria on some threads but only now do I realise it's classic mumsnet. Whiny stay at home mums. I shall not post here again.

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 02:07

[quote wannabesolider]@Wheresmykimchi lots of people who aren't parents on here so you don't need shout about it being a parenting website for goodness sake. I haven't been on mumsnet long, I didn't think I'd get this much stick, I just know this gets quite a bit of traffic - I have seen the MN hysteria on some threads but only now do I realise it's classic mumsnet. Whiny stay at home mums. I shall not post here again.[/quote]
"Whiny stay at home mums" Oh that will get a great response

Im not a parent, or a stay at home mum.

But you got the attention you wanted, OP. well done.

Kelpies · 17/01/2021 02:07

There is a lot of rubbish and misconceptions on this thread.
Once you have finished training you are very likely to work within the NHS (with higher pay & opportunities), doing pretty similar shifts as you would anyway.
Deployment opportunities aren't great so you are unlikely to spend much time away at all other than the odd exercise at various parts of your career.

You would presumably require childcare if you were working as a civi in the NHS so it's not going to be much different other than you might not be posted somewhere where you have family support.

There are a lot of opportunities open to you as an Army nurse that would greatly benefit your daughter and it's absolutely possible to do it as a single parent but of course it will be difficult, as it would be if you were working within the NHS.

Good luck!

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 02:07

@Heyahun thank you! Only one way I'd find out if she'd take to the lifestyle!

OP posts:
Sisiwawa · 17/01/2021 02:08

How will you afford years of Boarding school on an Army nurse's salary? I know the Army help a bit but you'd still need to pay a large amount towards it. Have you looked at the realistic costs of this?
Also, take the Army recruitment promises with a pinch of salt.

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 02:09

@Wheresmykimchi no attention you wanted, you've just deliberately spent the early hours of Sunday morning pissing me off and personally attacking me.

OP posts:
Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 02:10

@Wheresmykimchi if you're not a PARENT why are you on a PARENTING forum, as you so explicitly call it.

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 17/01/2021 02:10

I worked at a private boarding school that had lots of army kids. Most of them were really struggling. It's not something I'd do to a child of mine.

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