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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Single Parent Joining The Army

432 replies

wannabesolider · 16/01/2021 23:52

Hello!

Posting here mostly for traffic!

I am in the midst of a uni application for nursing, I am mostly certain I will be successful in gaining a place, I already have the grades (equivalent to 3 A's at A-Level). Once I have an offer I am debating whether to join the army and nurses are a high priority trade they are recruiting for, also the generous bursary they offer is appealing. I'm just looking for advice on whether it is feasible or just a pipe dream.

DD will be 3 by the time my degree starts and will be 6 before I commence army training and start serving, I do have childcare options for deployment between family and a nanny and then once old enough will look at the option to place her in boarding school.

Does anyone have experience as a single parent in the forces? Aibu to even think about it?

I am aware of the forces lifestyle as I was a military brat myself that went to boarding school (cheap private school fees is a bonus!). However, my parents were together until my mid teens and I was already at boarding school. My daughter's father has no involvement.

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 01:03

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mimi0708 · 17/01/2021 01:04

But then again, if you would be absolutely unhappy if you didn't pursue what you wanted then you might just end up resenting your daughter. And things would just be as bad. So agree with other PP of taking the child with you/closer to you.

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 01:05

@partyatthepalace water off a ducks back. I don't listen people who don't quite know they're talking about Smile

It won't be easy and I will of course look more into it, do more research before making any kind of decision.

Sounds like even without the army, sending my child to boarding school would be getting a lot of shit on here!

OP posts:
Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 01:06

@Wheresmykimchi if you think I'm selfish that's fine.

Seems like any single parent nurse would be pretty much selfish because they aren't there every bedtime and occasional deployment aside, it isn't much different.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 17/01/2021 01:06

[quote wannabesolider]@RoomOfRequirement do what? Perhaps I just don't see it, as I lived and know nothing else. I was in full time childcare at just under 4 months old so maybe I can't see it being anything but normal.[/quote]
How much would you actually see your daughter?

And is that more or less time than you spent with one or both of your parents?

NewMum2021x · 17/01/2021 01:06

I left the army from the dental sector... was no way possible with my DC. I was going away for 6 months at a time and was honestly heartbreaking I missed out on so much. The army promise to give you so many benefits and in all honesty, you're lucky if you get half of them when you're serving. The army isn't what it used to be, no respect to be serving or nothing. By all means go for it as everyone has to experience things for themselves... but it isn't as good as they make out.

Besides you will do your basic 14 week soldier training, then go on to do your trade training, all the time you will not be at home, except for the odd weekend. I'm not with my partner who is actually serving snd he's counting down the days until he can sign off as he's sick of the lack of respect the army give him with no benefits whatsoever. If you do have any questions please feel free to ask for my Instagram or something 🤍

Sunbird24 · 17/01/2021 01:08

@wannabesolider it’s good to have a plan, but take each step of it at a time and reassess as you go along. You’ll probably want to get the spelling of soldier nailed as well... 😉

HmmSureJan · 17/01/2021 01:08

No there wouldn't be this reaction to a single Dad joining because most single Dads who join have the mother providing all childcare in the background allowing him to achieve his dream career and goals. So provision of childcare and child raising is not an issue that really arises for him. In my experience - because I have known a fair few - Dads who join wax lyrical about providing a better life for their child/ren, when in fact they'll never really have to juggle their career and manage the day to day grind but all the while are being praised to the sky by everyone who hears about their plan for "making such a sacrifice in the best interests of their child/ren".

thegcatsmother · 17/01/2021 01:08

Be aware the CEA rules can and do change. We had just taken ds for his interview to board at state sixth form, when Liam Fox announced changes that meant we wouldn't be eligible for CEA. We had to appeal to get CEA, and the appeal was successful on monetary grounds...saved the MOD shedloads on day fees in Brussels, and also on educational impact, as dh was due to retire in ds's second term in Year 13, and we would have to move back to the UK, thus screwing up A levels. They were more concerned about the big savings than ds's A levels though!

Andrea87 · 17/01/2021 01:09

You are going to miss out so much of your daughter‘s life if you live overseas and that time is precious, once it’s gone it’s gone, plus you are the one parent your daughter can rely on . Also she will miss out so much If you are not there for large chucks of her growing up.
By the way I went to boarding school and It was a miserable time, yes it made me more independent but I was counting the days before I could return home for holidays.
It’s not as if you can’t have a fantastic nursing career in this country, they are crying out for medical people.
Good luck with your studies.

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 01:09

@SheilaWilcox no I'm absolutely not too old! Haha, 35.5 is the max age to join as a nurse.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 17/01/2021 01:10

[quote wannabesolider]@mimi0708 I am aware it isn't just about me Hmm

Just because I don't want mollycoddle my daughter it doesn't mean I won't put her first of be there for her.[/quote]
Mollycoddle? How?

SleepingStandingUp · 17/01/2021 01:10

[quote wannabesolider]@Wheresmykimchi if you think I'm selfish that's fine.

Seems like any single parent nurse would be pretty much selfish because they aren't there every bedtime and occasional deployment aside, it isn't much different.[/quote]
Except most NHS nurses are talking about sending their kids to boarding school to facilitate their career and being away for blocks on months every undefined period of years. It's totally different. Lots of jobs mean parents aren't there for every bed time, that's life. On the other hand lots of people even with jobs like nursing do what they can be there as much as they can whilst their children are young

Is it selfish to put your needs ahead of your child's? Yes. Would you be the only parent to do it? No. Will she be totally fine with it? No one knows.

secular89 · 17/01/2021 01:11

Why not do it when the child is older?

I really don't understand when people say this ^. Your children are going to still need you when they are older. It's not going to stop. Also, why wait? Life is for living. Every breathe that we take is our opportunity to chase our goals/dreams wants in life. Waiting is for people who are aversive to risks and not willing to move forward.

I am career driven. But I would not put my own child into boarding school-not at 6 anyway. I'm weary of the army lifestyle and worry about the emotional damage it will cause if I am away on months on end. However, I have no knowledge of what is involved in the army...lifestyle...

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 01:12

@Andrea87 thank you for your insight, I am sorry you had a miserable time a boarding school. I won't work for the NHS, it's horrid, low pay, outrageous contracts. I'd actually likely be working more hours and be away from her more as a whole. It would either be the armed forces or emigrating to Australia if I was to go to down the nursing route.

OP posts:
SheilaWilcox · 17/01/2021 01:13

[quote wannabesolider]@SheilaWilcox no I'm absolutely not too old! Haha, 35.5 is the max age to join as a nurse.[/quote]
Haha, that's good then. Wanted to join up at 27 and was too old unless I went in as an officer. Was along time ago though and I didn't know nursing was older - I'm too old for that too now though!!

partyatthepalace · 17/01/2021 01:13

Ah yes, the anti-boarding school posse are out to get ya tonight! Good luck with it, nursing is a great career if you get on the right path.

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 01:13

@secular89 I wouldn't be putting her into boarding school at 6!

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 01:13

[quote wannabesolider]@Wheresmykimchi if you think I'm selfish that's fine.

Seems like any single parent nurse would be pretty much selfish because they aren't there every bedtime and occasional deployment aside, it isn't much different.[/quote]
You are absolutely dreaming.

But why ask if you don't want to listen to what we are telling you?

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 01:15

@Sunbird24 the username with the correct spelling was taken Grin

OP posts:
MommaGee · 17/01/2021 01:16

Op what happens of you're posted away from the area your mother resides in? I don't mean the deployments so much as your basic living arrangements in the army. My nephew has been posted to Germany and now down South. If his children were with grandmother up North even between deployments he'd rarely see them

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 01:16

@Wheresmykimchi why am I dreaming? Do you have personal experience as an army nurse or any military life?

OP posts:
Sunbird24 · 17/01/2021 01:16

[quote wannabesolider]@Sunbird24 the username with the correct spelling was taken Grin[/quote]
🤦‍♀️ Fair one!

Original poster
wannabesolider · 17/01/2021 01:18

@MommaGee prior to boarding school this would be my main concern and something I need to think about. I'm only considering it at this stage, yet people are acting as though I've already enlisted.

Classic MN hysteria.

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 01:18

[quote wannabesolider]@Wheresmykimchi why am I dreaming? Do you have personal experience as an army nurse or any military life?[/quote]
Do I need to?

Abandoning your child to do as you like for your own good in any shape or form is selfish - that's all I said. II didn't say anything about military life or boarding schools.

You cleary want a board full of people telling you no you go girl great idea, so good luck to you.

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