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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just sabotaged my lie in in the most spectacular fashion.

367 replies

bananamuncher · 14/01/2021 09:09

I was up most of the night with writhing breastfeeding toddler, DH promised me a lie in as I sobbed at 3am about my poor battered nipples. Morning arrives. 5 year old wakes and DH takes his sweet time to get up and take him downstairs which means I’m basically awake now. I hear screaming and sighing and much drama from downstairs. I do get brought a cup of tea in bed though, (proofof no intention to let me sleep...?) While delivering tea he asks me lots of questions about where things are and the day’s weather (how the fuck would I know?).

Five year old comes flying in, switches on lights and climbs under the covers, waking toddler and bringing dog into bed. I can hear DH downstairs playing the fucking guitar! He finally comes up to collect five year old and also takes toddler downstairs. Complains he is useless at making coffee and he can’t find many, many things.

I hear more screaming and shouting from downstairs and decide to give up and go down. I get downstairs to kitchen,DH, five year old and dog all covered in milk ( some bizarre accident apparently) DH inconsolable and flapping about incapable of cleaning it up. Five year old now running around naked except open dressing gown, DH still quizzing me about toddlers missing slipper and the fucking weather!

He’s now taken himself off for a bath....

WIBU to bury him under the patio?

I’m laughing about it to be honest but Jesus Christ....

OP posts:
Catty1720 · 14/01/2021 09:58

I’m laughing at the child running around in just an open dressing gown. But really?? Simply breakfast? If he’s not usually useless perhaps put it down to tiredness on his part too and had you gone to sleep you probably would have been more tired broken sleep is the worse. However if this is how it always is you need to sit him down and get a bit of balance. Was he crashing about on purpose to make you come down?

TillyTopper · 14/01/2021 09:59

I don't want to upset you, especially after a bad night, but to some extent you bring it upon yourself. Why let the toddler and dog in the bed? Why reply to him (feign sleep)? Why go downstairs? Why may yourself indispensable? You should have had a bath like he did - because otherwise he'll keep on in the same pathetic way and never get better because it doesn't pay off for him! You are teaching him he can get out of anything just by being useless. Sorry if you find that's harsh! Hope you get some sleep soon.

averythinline · 14/01/2021 10:00

I wouldn't be laughing...I would be getting myself dressed and going out and saying if its not fucking sorted by the time I get back he can pack his shit and leave...
I would take the guitar and dump it..

Seriously why stand for this.. thake all the children and the dog to the bathroom..

Candyfloss99 · 14/01/2021 10:00

Why on earth did you give in and get up? Presumably he knew you would do this and that's why he acts as incompetent as possible.

NoSquirrels · 14/01/2021 10:00

@BreatheAndFocus

I’d offer him a lie-in tomorrow, poor love - then I’d sabotage it in exactly the same way he did yours, but I’d amend the milk part so that I accidentally spilt it in his guitar.
Grin
SADWinter · 14/01/2021 10:01

Everyone has a farcical day sometimes, but this looks like Learned helplessness.

Tell DH precisely what you need (zero disturbances) and to use his bloody common sense.

Then start going out more...

BlingLoving · 14/01/2021 10:04

@TillyTopper

I don't want to upset you, especially after a bad night, but to some extent you bring it upon yourself. Why let the toddler and dog in the bed? Why reply to him (feign sleep)? Why go downstairs? Why may yourself indispensable? You should have had a bath like he did - because otherwise he'll keep on in the same pathetic way and never get better because it doesn't pay off for him! You are teaching him he can get out of anything just by being useless. Sorry if you find that's harsh! Hope you get some sleep soon.
classic woman blaming. Of course it couldn't possibly be his fault for his initial incompetent behaviours? No no, it's Her fault for allowing it.

Of course you're right that she needs to tell him this must stop, but please, she didn't "bring it upon herself". He is being a twat and, at worst, she has handled it wrong. But HE is the problem here.

Slackarse · 14/01/2021 10:06

He sounds pathetic. It’s not funny. And toddlers don’t need to be bf, especially not during the night after brushing their teeth.

WinstonmissesXmas · 14/01/2021 10:06

There’s a problem when your partner is a net negative on your life!

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/01/2021 10:07

It’s a bit difficult right now to spend a night out of the house. If you’re bubbled with anyone, I’d be tempted to spend the night at their house. No children or dogs.

I’m also wondering why your nipples are battered with a toddler. My dd at 2.5 would not feed for 4/5 days. The next she day would feed at least 8 times and i was left very sore. I imagine she was getting ready to self wean but I couldn’t put up with the pain of waiting for that to happen and weaned her. If it is longer working for you, I would do the same.

rhowton · 14/01/2021 10:07

I wouldn't be laughing. I'd be absolutely furious. It's partially your fault though... you keep letting him get away with this BS... if you're happy to laugh, more fool you.

Original poster
bananamuncher · 14/01/2021 10:08

Yes toddler is a bit off colour. She usually wakes once in the early morning for a feed, but it’s time for weaning, no doubt about that.

I’ve had a stern word about it and pointed out he had an uninterrupted lie in yesterday. He seems to understand.... we’re under a lot of pressure right now, loss of income, five year old climbing the walls, stress and worry etc etc.

And yes, it’s more of maniacal laugh of a lunatic pushed to the edge of sanity by the chaos and drama of it all....

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 14/01/2021 10:08

Think about this, he is capable of playing a guitar but not making a cup of coffee or cleaning up spilt milk? That isn't incompetence that is choice.
I agree. He's being a tit. Give him a kick up the arse.

2me2u2u2me · 14/01/2021 10:09

I'd honestly show him this thread! Thoughtless and useless springs to mind Hmm

Ninkanink · 14/01/2021 10:10

He needs to practise A LOT (every weekend) until he can manage to take care of both of his children by himself, just like you can. He is no less capable than you simply by virtue of having a penis.

Honestly, what a man child.

AcornAutumn · 14/01/2021 10:10

@IDontMindMarmite

I'd be tempted to sleep somewhere else for a night and really leave him to be a responsible adult!
Yes, do this. For a couple of days ideally.
frazzledasarock · 14/01/2021 10:10

I would not be laughing if my DH behaved like this.

He would not be my DH

Is he this ridiculously inept at his paid job?

How does he keep himself alive, do you have to puree his food and feed him as well?

He sounds like the worlds biggest dickhead.

He punished you for needing a lie in you realise this right?

Dopo · 14/01/2021 10:10

@bananamuncher

I’m laughing because it’s just so ridiculous. When the tiredness kicks in I’ll be livid.
Don't find it funny at all. I'd absolutely be livid. It's not funny to sabotage someone who is exhausted and weeping at 3am. It's not funny to be so incompetent that the.kids are flapping about naked, covered in milk while he also flaps.

What's he do for a living? What a ridiculous individual.

DaphneBridgerton · 14/01/2021 10:10

Hey OP if you don't laugh you'll cry... don't think it's fair of people to call your DH a dickhead as they don't know the bigger picture! Although if he is a dickhead then fair enough!

BlingLoving · 14/01/2021 10:11

OP - I can only hope that this is not a regular or normal occurrence because you are being remarkably tolerant. We all have bad days and if this is just his, fair enough. But I'm a bit thrown by how casually you're taking things. When life is tough, it's when you most need to be kind to each other.

frazzledasarock · 14/01/2021 10:12

Well if you need to wean the toddler off boob anyway, book a hotel for the weekend and text him from the hotel to let him know you will reappear on Monday by which time toddler will be weaned off boob.

Then switch off your phone and have a rest.

C0NNIE · 14/01/2021 10:13

@WeAllHaveWings

I don't know what is worse, his selfishness or incompetence.

Think about this, he is capable of playing a guitar but not making a cup of coffee or cleaning up spilt milk? That isn't incompetence that is choice.

This.

I bet he was really fun and charming before you had children.

Zakana · 14/01/2021 10:14

Could be worse OP, your DH could have a trumpet!

Chickychickydodah · 14/01/2021 10:14

I’d make him take the kids out in the car and then have a nap, plan b kiss his ass to the kerb.

B33Fr33 · 14/01/2021 10:15

It's good you can laugh. But do look around for some offers on slabs Hmm maybe a handy guide on how not to fuck up someone else's lie in.

One point. Shut the fuck up.