DH just sabotaged my lie in in the most spectacular fashion.

[bananamuncher]

I was up most of the night with writhing breastfeeding toddler, DH promised me a lie in as I sobbed at 3am about my poor battered nipples. Morning arrives. 5 year old wakes and DH takes his sweet time to get up and take him downstairs which means I’m basically awake now. I hear screaming and sighing and much drama from downstairs. I do get brought a cup of tea in bed though, (proofof no intention to let me sleep...?) While delivering tea he asks me lots of questions about where things are and the day’s weather (how the fuck would I know?).

Five year old comes flying in, switches on lights and climbs under the covers, waking toddler and bringing dog into bed. I can hear DH downstairs playing the fucking guitar! He finally comes up to collect five year old and also takes toddler downstairs. Complains he is useless at making coffee and he can’t find many, many things.

I hear more screaming and shouting from downstairs and decide to give up and go down. I get downstairs to kitchen,DH, five year old and dog all covered in milk ( some bizarre accident apparently) DH inconsolable and flapping about incapable of cleaning it up. Five year old now running around naked except open dressing gown, DH still quizzing me about toddlers missing slipper and the fucking weather!

He’s now taken himself off for a bath....

WIBU to bury him under the patio?

I’m laughing about it to be honest but Jesus Christ....

He’s honestly a bit clueless

What would happen if you were also 'a bit clueless'? Was he 'a bit clueless' when you met him? If so I'm struggling to see what made you think he was good husband/father material.

Having a useless and clueless partner will become less endearing as time passes. Your children witnessing him being so incapable won’t turn out well.

This isn't OK, OP.

@dyslek

Im going to get a load of flack for this but...maybe wean the toddler?

Seems sensible. And your eldest child (dh) will be able to help more. 😁

I think this would kill any respect I had for him stone dead.

Don't enable it. I stopped enabling a useless DH about 5 years ago. Its taken time for him to learn the necessary skills to be a useful adult, but now he does all sorts without being asked. It's an investment in that theres an initial period where a lot is done badly but you need to not step in and persevere and you can salvage even quite a useless bloke.

Take Gilda152's advice and demonstrate what a superb sense of humour you have by dropping his precious guitar into the bath with him.

If being an incompentent arse is so fucking funny, he's bound to find it hilarious.

Im going to get a load of flack for this but...maybe wean the toddler?

That shouldn’t have to be a decision based on having a useless husband !

Oh and I would be night weaning the toddler too. You both need more sleep.

Going to get flamed but focus on getting the toddler sleeping through and not bf during the night. They don't need it.

When mine were little on DH lie in day I'd hear a child literally roll out of bed, creep downstairs with both children shut the door to the living room and put cbeebies on, dress them downstairs breakfast quietly etc.

My lie in day, kids rampage into the room crawl all over the bed, have to shake him awake eventually he'd grudgingly get up and go downstairs, loads of noise. I'd be wide awake, unable to get back to sleep. Nightmare. It took me moving to my parents for a while to make my point. He needs to step up.

I've clicked yanbu as I am also a woman in the edge of tiredness due to a demanding toddler.

However, I think words need to be had.

He's deliberately sabotaged your lie in, and been a crap parent, and then swanned off for a bath in peace.

I'm a single parent (since last Sept) and I'd opt for that any day over a selfish incompetent man child.

My sons dad is exactly the same and he is an ex. He got up for work at 5am everyday. He’d turn lights on, have a shower I. The en suite with the door open (rather than the bathroom) he’d put music on, bang and clatter around in the kitchen then come in and wake me to say goodbye.

On a rare occasion he’d get up with our son or let me have a lie in, he’d bring our son in bed (who wanted me) or take him downstairs and cause mayhem like your OH.

Unacceptable in my eyes, so he’s now no longer in my house causing me stress or grief 😊

People really need to learn an early night beats a lie in.

The issue with this is, yes it does sound so ridiculous it’s funny. As a one off.

However, he is a grown man. He is competent enough to make a baby, hold down a job etc so what he has done is deliberate. Strategic incompetence.
He just couldn’t be bothered and clearly thinks that it should be up to you.
And long term, having a father that can’t be bothered to parent his children and doesn’t respect his wife? That is a big big problem.

He’s embarrassingly stupid.....how can you bear him?

How on earth can you laugh at that??

Ifhe had wanted to make sure you will never ask for another lie in ever again, he wouldnt have gione any other way. Im struggling to see an 'lighheartened' side to that

YABU for laughing about it! I'd go apeshit. Apparently he needs explicit instructions around the mechanisms of giving you a lie in, and another go tomorrow.

@nuitdesetoiles

Going to get flamed but focus on getting the toddler sleeping through and not bf during the night. They don't need it.

When mine were little on DH lie in day I'd hear a child literally roll out of bed, creep downstairs with both children shut the door to the living room and put cbeebies on, dress them downstairs breakfast quietly etc.

My lie in day, kids rampage into the room crawl all over the bed, have to shake him awake eventually he'd grudgingly get up and go downstairs, loads of noise. I'd be wide awake, unable to get back to sleep. Nightmare. It took me moving to my parents for a while to make my point. He needs to step up.

well sorting out the toddler sleep isn't going to help solve the so called incompetence from the dh.... whihjc really is the maon issue of the post. (not the toddler sleep)

@Sinful8

People really need to learn an early night beats a lie in.

i've slowly learned this. . . . i take myself off to bed at around 9 (sometimes earlier depending on what time the kids get to sleep and we've had dinner) and leave dh working/watching tv/whatever downstairs. i sometimes have a bath, sometimes read a book sometimes just sleep. but whatever it is i do, i am well rested by the time 6am rolls around and the dc start waking up. i've taken to getting up with them in the week though especially if dh has actually been working into the small hours.

i get though that with a small baby the night wakings are hell (thank fully i think we may be out of that stage now - dd i'm looking at you...) so more sleep is required.

suggest when he's out of his bath, you go back to bed. maybe suggest he takes them out....

The spilled milk scene sounds funny and I wouldn't be cross about that. I could see similar happening with DP and DD. When I have a lie in and get downstairs it's often chaos.

I would be cross about him playing the guitar and asking me pointless questions though. Cross is an understatement...

Oldest trick in the book. My DH used to do the same - not quite so spectacularly. But would hear the toddler wake, lie in bed for 40 minutes refusing to get up while I was kicking him in the back (getting increasingly more awake), and then when he finally got up would make so much noise and chaos that I couldn’t sleep anyway and ended up getting up. Not fucking funny.

I read him the riot act, but I worked out that actually the best tactic (in our case) was to do the same back. So when he was expecting a lie in, I would get up, throw the curtains open, switch all the lights on, bring the toddler back into bed to climb on him and put nursery rhymes on the Alexa. And I explained to him that either we both get lie ins, or we both don’t - but I wasn’t going to facilitate lie ins for him if he wouldn’t do the same for me. It worked quite well - he soon got the message.

Also I have zero right to tell you how to look after your child or what to do with your body but things might be easier for you if you weaned the toddler - or at least night weaned him?

This really isn't funny.

Why on earth are you breastfeeding a toddler at 3am?

Just stop and take it in turns to have a lie in (and then he'll get used to it.)

Laughing. Really

Total twat

Ah, toddlers! Well done OP, we both know it does end, but it's tough when you're in the thick of it
Totally normal in my house. It called studied incompetence.
I gave up fighting it and started divorcing the manipulative lazy fucker.
That plan unravelled when he was diagnosed with degenerative neurological condition, but at least now he stay in bed because he's ill and me and the kids can get on with out lives.