Page 14 | DH just sabotaged my lie in in the most spectacular fashion.

Draineddraineddrained · 14/01/2021 14:00

@CorianderBlues

Getting up in the night to feed a toddler is entirely her choice, and entirely unneccesary though.

She's stil entitled to her lie in, as he no doubt is entitled to his when it's his turn. There are two parents. The fact she's breastfeeding is neither here nor there. He sabotaged her lie in.

TryingnottobeWaynettaSlob · 14/01/2021 14:04

Your enabling him. He’s a lazy bastard. There’s nothing funny about this.

Draineddraineddrained · 14/01/2021 14:05

@CaraDuneRedux

Then ask yourself why the fuck you are allowing your 3 year old to use your nipples as a comforter to the extent where they're getting totally shredded when (a) there are other ways of offering comfort (b) nutritionally your toddler doesn't need breast feeding and (c) really this isn't about the toddler's needs, it's about some weird desire on your part to show what a super mother you are.

Aaand we're playing bf bingo! 'Martyr', 'only doing it for yourself'... all I need now is 'wrong once they can ask for it' and I'll have a whole row!

SnailortheWhale · 14/01/2021 14:06

@Pumpertrumper

This kind of shit just doesn’t fly with me. DH works long hours as an NHS doctor and given current circumstances I cut him a lot of slack.

However, he recently got into the habit of thinking his ‘days off’ were his and he ‘really deserved them’.

He never wakes up with DS it’s always me at 5am but the other morning I was suffering so badly with back ache (I’m pregnant) DH had to.

When I got downstairs around 7 (still earlier than DH ever wakes up on a day off) I found DH, disgruntled he’d not got his usual lay in, hadn’t even managed to give DS breakfast.

He’d continually fed him baby crisps to stop him crying because he was hungry. DH ‘I don’t know how to do his breakfast’

Well that was it. I totally lost it with him! DS has REDYBREK for breakfast. DH knows this but apparently isn’t capable of makinh f redybrek!?!?!
Are there not instructions on the box?
Had I not told you a million times?
Is it not literally a case of ‘add milk and microwave for 60 seconds?’

Even if he was physically incapable of adding milk to a bowl the least he could have done was chopped up some banana from the fruit bowl.
‘Or do you also not know how to peel a banana?’

Apparently this made me ‘angry’ and ‘always having a go at him’ he sulked the rest of the day.

FFS men are not incapable they’re just lazy when they think someone else will do it for them!

Fuck me this is absolutely awful. He left your poor child crying in hunger rather than make him some porridge?! And then got angry and took it out on his pregnant wife when you pulled him up on it?! I hope you know how absolutely appalling this is. I would rather be a single mother than with a man who would neglect his child to make a point that he’s above you......you realise that’s what he did? Doctor or not he’s an abusive, selfish arsehole

FionatheCat · 14/01/2021 14:06

I really do t think this kind of issue is caused by mothers doing too much for their sons - MIL literally did EVERYTHING for dh, he had the best life there she would take every meal to him till the day he left home and did all his washing etc etc everything
He isnt lazy! He does more than his fair share. Parents equally and does housework and it’s very equal but what means the most is how he recognises what I do. He will come In and be lovely and cook dinner Or get you early to tidy the house so I don’t have to spend all day looking after dc and doing it. I think using mothers as an excuse is wrong. Sons can be pampered yes but they still grow into adults who should have a sense of self responsibility and awareness

NoOneOwnsTheRainbow · 14/01/2021 14:09

OP is getting a lot of shit for following WHO guidelines on feeding her little one breastmilk to 24 months.
Bizarre. I thought it was one of the few taboo topics on MN to criticize how people fed/weaned their babies. Seems a bit judgy that people think a breastfeeding mum can't expect a competent lie-in sometimes.

FionatheCat · 14/01/2021 14:10

@NoOneOwnsTheRainbow

OP is getting a lot of shit for following WHO guidelines on feeding her little one breastmilk to 24 months. Bizarre. I thought it was one of the few taboo topics on MN to criticize how people fed/weaned their babies. Seems a bit judgy that people think a breastfeeding mum can't expect a competent lie-in sometimes.

Yes exactly what’s it got to do with the actual issue here whether she breastfeeds or not !

Draineddraineddrained · 14/01/2021 14:11

@Ellie56

@Draineddraineddrained. Sounds like your 3 year old is more clued up and grown up than your DP!

In SO many ways Otoh, I don't have to rinse out his poo pot because he's scared of falling into the big toilet, so they both have their strengths and weaknesses!

Ninkanink · 14/01/2021 14:11

@FionatheCat

I really do t think this kind of issue is caused by mothers doing too much for their sons - MIL literally did EVERYTHING for dh, he had the best life there she would take every meal to him till the day he left home and did all his washing etc etc everything He isnt lazy! He does more than his fair share. Parents equally and does housework and it’s very equal but what means the most is how he recognises what I do. He will come In and be lovely and cook dinner Or get you early to tidy the house so I don’t have to spend all day looking after dc and doing it. I think using mothers as an excuse is wrong. Sons can be pampered yes but they still grow into adults who should have a sense of self responsibility and awareness

It’s caused by fathers and mothers modelling shitty behaviours/shitty attitudes and acceptance of those.

willloman · 14/01/2021 14:13

dig out those earplugs and shut the door, wedge a chair against it . Tell himself it's your half day and take a 6 hour nap. Everyone will survive, even milk under the fridge.
tell him in no uncertain terms that if you do not get said sleep, no one will survive.

Hardbackwriter · 14/01/2021 14:17

It’s caused by fathers and mothers modelling shitty behaviours/shitty attitudes and acceptance of those.

At what point do we have to take responsibility for ourselves as adults rather than blaming everything on daddy and (especially) mummy, though? I grew up doing nothing around the house, had never used a washing machine before I went to university, etc. I don't think it's an ideal way to raise a child and it's not what I intend to do with my own but I manage to be a perfectly functional adult who can care for myself and my child, it's not rocket science and it's easy enough to learn as an adult if you can be bothered.

DayKay · 14/01/2021 14:17

Op have a regular lie in and tell your dh to get everything ready the night before. Whether it’s planning how to coordinate breakfast or just getting some croissants and fruit in for a quick easy breakfast.
Tell him to get the Dcs clothes ready the night before.
He can get an activity ready for them too or take them out.
Tell him that you are not to be disturbed unless it’s an emergency.

Honestly, there’s no excuse for such incompetence.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 14/01/2021 14:18

Oh stop blaming the mothers, just stop. The lazy fathers are just as much to blame, and even then, by the time a man is fully grown and with his own job and family, he's capable of independent thought and listening to his partner. I'm sure he can be critical of his upbringing when it suits him.

OhCaptain · 14/01/2021 14:21

@bananamuncher ok - so could you maybe go home for a bit? A month say. Just to see how you feel? To think about what you need and want?

Ninkanink · 14/01/2021 14:21

@Hardbackwriter

It’s caused by fathers and mothers modelling shitty behaviours/shitty attitudes and acceptance of those.

At what point do we have to take responsibility for ourselves as adults rather than blaming everything on daddy and (especially) mummy, though? I grew up doing nothing around the house, had never used a washing machine before I went to university, etc. I don't think it's an ideal way to raise a child and it's not what I intend to do with my own but I manage to be a perfectly functional adult who can care for myself and my child, it's not rocket science and it's easy enough to learn as an adult if you can be bothered.

Oh absolutely! That’s not making excuses for shitty man child men, it’s just backing up the point that it is a father’s & mother’s responsibility to model healthy relationships between equals, and respectful, thoughtful behaviour, and many mothers do play along with appalling behaviour and attitudes from their husbands/partners.

naomi81 · 14/01/2021 14:24

Sounds like my manchild! His mother did everything for him 🙈

Draineddraineddrained · 14/01/2021 14:25

@NoOneOwnsTheRainbow

OP is getting a lot of shit for following WHO guidelines on feeding her little one breastmilk to 24 months.
Bizarre. I thought it was one of the few taboo topics on MN to criticize how people fed/weaned their babies. Seems a bit judgy that people think a breastfeeding mum can't expect a competent lie-in sometimes.

If ONLY it were a taboo to criticize feeding method on MN! But actually this only goes one way, anyone criticizing a mother who chooses to bottle feed would have their arsehole ripped out and served to them with salad (rightly in my opinion) - but breastfeeding mothers, it's open season, regardless of the actual issue they came on to discuss if breastfeeding is mentioned even incidentally it is immediately identified as The Real Problem Here and weaning is pushed as The Only Solution.

Experiencing postnatal mental illness and also breastfeeding? WEAN YOUR BABY AT ONCE (despite the fact all the evidence pointing to breastfeeding having a protective effect on maternal mental health, and the mother not wanting to).

Lazy dipshit husband who won't let you get a lie-in? WHY ARE YOU STILL BREASTFEEDING?? (why is that in any way relevant?)

Sleeping problems - breastfeeding's to blame. Eating problems - stop breastfeeding. Separation anxiety - stop breastfeeding him at once! Even though these are also completely normal developmental challenges in all infants, breast or bottle fed.

So many women who bottle feed claim to feel judged and bullied by 'breastfeeding nazis' - how this can possibly be the case when the vast, vast majority of women in this country seem to be so dead against breastfeeding for more than a few months, and so determined to nail it as the cause of all parental problems, I just do not know.

Bonnieonthelam · 14/01/2021 14:27

@bananamuncher

I was up most of the night with writhing breastfeeding toddler, DH promised me a lie in as I sobbed at 3am about my poor battered nipples. Morning arrives. 5 year old wakes and DH takes his sweet time to get up and take him downstairs which means I’m basically awake now. I hear screaming and sighing and much drama from downstairs. I do get brought a cup of tea in bed though, (proofof no intention to let me sleep...?) While delivering tea he asks me lots of questions about where things are and the day’s weather (how the fuck would I know?).

Five year old comes flying in, switches on lights and climbs under the covers, waking toddler and bringing dog into bed. I can hear DH downstairs playing the fucking guitar! He finally comes up to collect five year old and also takes toddler downstairs. Complains he is useless at making coffee and he can’t find many, many things.

I hear more screaming and shouting from downstairs and decide to give up and go down. I get downstairs to kitchen,DH, five year old and dog all covered in milk ( some bizarre accident apparently) DH inconsolable and flapping about incapable of cleaning it up. Five year old now running around naked except open dressing gown, DH still quizzing me about toddlers missing slipper and the fucking weather!

He’s now taken himself off for a bath....

WIBU to bury him under the patio?

I’m laughing about it to be honest but Jesus Christ....

DH inconsolable and flapping about incapable of cleaning it up

CharityDingle · 14/01/2021 14:33

Sounds like you are quite isolated, OP. That's a tough situation to be in.

tenlittlecygnets · 14/01/2021 15:22

@WizardOfAus - was the post you quoted by one of the MN admin team? If so, wow. Well said, them.

Buddytheelf85 · 14/01/2021 15:55

Then ask yourself why the fuck you are allowing your 3 year old to use your nipples as a comforter to the extent where they're getting totally shredded when (a) there are other ways of offering comfort (b) nutritionally your toddler doesn't need breast feeding and (c) really this isn't about the toddler's needs, it's about some weird desire on your part to show what a super mother you are.

Aaand we're playing bf bingo! 'Martyr', 'only doing it for yourself'... all I need now is 'wrong once they can ask for it' and I'll have a whole row!

Lol, you missed some - ‘using your nipples as a comforter/human dummy/pacifier’ and ‘doesn’t nutritionally need it’.

Didn’t even get OP’s toddler’s age right. She clearly says he’s 16 months. Not 3 years old. Not that it matters. She can breastfeed him if she wants.

And why is it ok to use such an aggressive language towards a woman for breastfeeding her child? Anyone who told a mother to ask herself ‘why the fuck’ she is formula feeding their toddler, at any age, would quite rightly get their eyes scratched out.

WizardOfAus · 14/01/2021 16:00

@tenlittlecygnets, no it wasn’t MNHQ. It was from another website (not sure where as I copied it from another poster).

tenlittlecygnets · 14/01/2021 16:02

Oh I see! Thought it was unlike them to get involved like that.

Hardbackwriter · 14/01/2021 16:07

The obsession with the fact OP is breastfeeding in this thread is so weird because it's so irrelevant (and, as others have said, some of the comments are so aggressive). My toddler hasn't been breastfed for well over a year, but he still had us up for half of last night; I don't see why it matters why OP was up all night, just that she was and that her DH agreed that she should get a break and then didn't give her one. And also, it's shit not to give your partner an agreed lie-in even if they've slept beautifully all night long...

Stompythedinosaur · 14/01/2021 16:13

God, how unattractive.

Unless your dh has a cognitive impairment he is perfectly capable of looking after the dc and clearing up some milk. He is choosing not to in order to sabotage your lie in.

I would not be laughing.