DH just sabotaged my lie in in the most spectacular fashion.

[bananamuncher]

I was up most of the night with writhing breastfeeding toddler, DH promised me a lie in as I sobbed at 3am about my poor battered nipples. Morning arrives. 5 year old wakes and DH takes his sweet time to get up and take him downstairs which means I’m basically awake now. I hear screaming and sighing and much drama from downstairs. I do get brought a cup of tea in bed though, (proofof no intention to let me sleep...?) While delivering tea he asks me lots of questions about where things are and the day’s weather (how the fuck would I know?).

Five year old comes flying in, switches on lights and climbs under the covers, waking toddler and bringing dog into bed. I can hear DH downstairs playing the fucking guitar! He finally comes up to collect five year old and also takes toddler downstairs. Complains he is useless at making coffee and he can’t find many, many things.

I hear more screaming and shouting from downstairs and decide to give up and go down. I get downstairs to kitchen,DH, five year old and dog all covered in milk ( some bizarre accident apparently) DH inconsolable and flapping about incapable of cleaning it up. Five year old now running around naked except open dressing gown, DH still quizzing me about toddlers missing slipper and the fucking weather!

He’s now taken himself off for a bath....

WIBU to bury him under the patio?

I’m laughing about it to be honest but Jesus Christ....

@DaphneBridgerton

Hey OP if you don't laugh you'll cry... don't think it's fair of people to call your DH a dickhead as they don't know the bigger picture! Although if he is a dickhead then fair enough!

What further evidence do you propose we need? He’s a dickhead because he behaved like one by deliberately sabotaging OP’s lie in.

@bananamuncher seriously, he needs to take both children for a full weekend morning (until 12, no earlier than that) and let you rest. If he ends up not being able to cope and you have to sort things out then you get the next morning off too. This is utterly ridiculous behaviour from a father.

@bananamuncher

He’s honestly a bit clueless but usually thoughtful. He was up most of the night too, but yes, he could do better

I really don't think 'thoughtful' is a good description for him. If he was thoughtful, he wouldn't have:

• Taken his sweet time to get up and take DS downstairs
• Let DS scream
• Bring you a cup of tea in bed
• Ask you lots of questions
• Let the 5 year old into the bedroom
• Play the guitar
• Made a massive fuss (not) cleaning up the milk spill
• Take himself off for a bath while you sort out his mess

I'm really struggling to understand how this man is 'thoughtful'.

I suggest it's your turn again tomorrow... and the day after... and the day after that... until you get an actual lie-in. Only then will it become his turn again.

Well, I'd be making sure I was dressed for him getting out the bath, then I'd call out "bye" and leave the house til at least 7pm.

See the problem here is he knows you'll do it all if he makes an arse of it. What he has done today is extremely disrespectful. Don't say he's not normally like that because I bet you can think of more examples of similar behaviour. While I'm sure you'll make your feelings known, you might have to come to terms with the fact he's a useless man child and decide what you are going to do about that. Two options, live with it, or get rid.
Contrary to what we often read on MN bad behaviour by men who really should know better and be capable of far more isn't likely to be fixed with a stern telling off .

@bananamuncher

Oh, and there’s now milk under my fucking oven...

Why is it your oven?

Does that mean that he can't clean it??

How can an adult be so useless?

@Zakana

Could be worse OP, your DH could have a trumpet!

It's not ok when someone is meant to be asleep in bed or trying to sleep in bed to ask them questions as if they are awake and in the world. I absolutely hate it when it's my turn for a lie in and DH waits until the children are literally begging to go downstairs before he gets up. It totally ruins a lie in for me. DH knows this now and also knows it's the fastest way to ruin his own day.

I'm really struggling to understand how this man is 'thoughtful'.

I suggest it's your turn again tomorrow... and the day after... and the day after that... until you get an actual lie-in. Only then will it become his turn again.

This suggestion is better than mine. Lie in every morning until he can be relied upon to actually behave like a capable human being and a decent father.

I'm so glad I didn't marry a man like that.

I would have shoved fucking guitar up his arse 😡

Don’t let him sleep overnight. See how he likes it

Just tell him that as your lie in didn't happen, you will obviously have it tomorrow. Remind him that if tomorrow he allows the DC or dog into the bedroom it won't count as a lie in again. Same if he turns the light on. He is also in charge of tidying up the mess he makes.

If he was that useless in reality he'd be dead by now. He literally would be incapable of remembering to breathe or woyid have perished mistaking a can of paint for yogurt

Its done on purpose.
Its not funny

Laughing.
God help you with two children with such a waster.

Everything he didn't do was deliberate.

Please don't have another child with such a waste of space.

Mind yourself, he certainly won't.

He’s a lucky man - I’d not be laughing at all

You're a mug!
What's the point of complaining on this forum? You obviously love being treated like a nobody by your husband, otherwise you would do something about it.

@Draineddraineddrained

Also 👊 for breastfeeding your toddler - special kind of joy when they get to the acrobatic/dry-sucking all night for the sake of it stage! 😬 Sending virtual lanolin to your boobs!

A toddler doesn't need feeding in the middle of the night though.

I have learnt the knack of handing over tissues and taking myself into the bath as opposed to picking up the tissues myself and letting others go for a bath.

I find I cannot have a lie-in as I awake with the slightest noise. So I have a nice long bath instead and leave them all at it.

You should sort this out now. I see a few women at school who can literally never rely on their husbands to sort the kids and look after them, and this is years in. So no fun weekends away with the girls, always late for dinner because they have to sort the kids’ dinner first, no unexpected days out at short notice because the useless man child can’t be relied on.
And these aren’t useless men, they’re mainly well paid professionals who have managed to get their wives just where they want them by playing the useless card. It’s so controlling and shit.

I’m struggling to understand why you should be disturbed just because he doesn’t know where something is. I mean it’s in the kitchen isn’t it? Unless you have a kitchen the size of an amazon warehouse why couldn’t he just look for it?

I’m not sure how you can find this person in any way attractive. Nothing would turn me off quicker than someone who couldn’t look after their own kids for an hour. I’m guessing this isn’t the first time his lack of consideration and utter incompetence has come to your attention?

Laughing? Ok then. I wouldn’t find any of that funny.

He can run a bath but can't make a coffee?
And why didn't you make him clear up his mess before he had his bath.
I'd have been tempted to send the kitchen da up to join him in the bath and then I'd relax with a coffee.

I think burying him under the patio would be an under-reaction...

Yeah, LTB.

Over a lay in.

Jeez.

He doesn’t see you as deserving a lie in because he see it as him doing your job.

I’m not trying to make you feel bad but he was so mean to you. Under the guise of cluelessness.

I cannot fucking stand adults who act incapable of functioning at a basic level.