DH just sabotaged my lie in in the most spectacular fashion.

[bananamuncher]

I was up most of the night with writhing breastfeeding toddler, DH promised me a lie in as I sobbed at 3am about my poor battered nipples. Morning arrives. 5 year old wakes and DH takes his sweet time to get up and take him downstairs which means I’m basically awake now. I hear screaming and sighing and much drama from downstairs. I do get brought a cup of tea in bed though, (proofof no intention to let me sleep...?) While delivering tea he asks me lots of questions about where things are and the day’s weather (how the fuck would I know?).

Five year old comes flying in, switches on lights and climbs under the covers, waking toddler and bringing dog into bed. I can hear DH downstairs playing the fucking guitar! He finally comes up to collect five year old and also takes toddler downstairs. Complains he is useless at making coffee and he can’t find many, many things.

I hear more screaming and shouting from downstairs and decide to give up and go down. I get downstairs to kitchen,DH, five year old and dog all covered in milk ( some bizarre accident apparently) DH inconsolable and flapping about incapable of cleaning it up. Five year old now running around naked except open dressing gown, DH still quizzing me about toddlers missing slipper and the fucking weather!

He’s now taken himself off for a bath....

WIBU to bury him under the patio?

I’m laughing about it to be honest but Jesus Christ....

Im going to get a load of flack for this but...maybe wean the toddler?

I’d offer him a lie-in tomorrow, poor love - then I’d sabotage it in exactly the same way he did yours, but I’d amend the milk part so that I accidentally spilt it in his guitar.

I wouldn’t be laughing.

And would be demanding another lie in tomorrow with specific instruction not to be woken unless someone is gushing blood with every heartbeat or the house is on fire.

But then I don’t do well when people wake me up. As several exes will attest.

I misread the title and thought you had told a lie and your husband had revealed it to someone very dramatically!

LTB.
You’ve handled it pretty well considering. If I were you I’d leave some milky milk, do the wee children some lunch (making sure no leftovers for HIM) and take yourself out for a walk. Make it known you’re pissed off and only needed a lie in. A lie in HE ruined and how he ruined it.
Lunch at our house can be carnage as everyone’s starting to get tired. Use this to your advantage and get out of there. He’ll soon realise how great you are.

@faw2009 - me too!

As if you've been pilloried OP for having a sense of humour jeeeez how dare you when your husband is evil/useless/manipulative/entitled/narcissistic???

Dear me woman you are being taken for a MUG by this animal and only wise mumsnetters can see what a foolish girl you are for laughing! Immediately leave him!

Alternatively try again tomorrow?

OP, unless you’ve just joined MN you must have known people wouldn’t find his behaviour amusing. Do you want advice on how to tell him to buck his ideas up?

@dyslek

Im going to get a load of flack for this but...maybe wean the toddler?

No flack from me. 100% this. Or at the very least do not offer a breast feed in the night, offer a cup of water. Nights are for sleeping, your toddler will get perfectly adequate nutrition during the day.

Then as soon as lockdown is over, book yourself into a hotel for a long weekend and leave the fucker to cope with the kids and dog by himself.

And leave your phone at home accidentally on purpose - two can play at the strategic incompetence game.

And YES to those posters suggesting sending the kids and dog into the bathroom with him. And shut the door behind them.

That’s all done to get out of ever having to do anything.
See ,if you think he’s useless at home tasks ,you won’t ask him ,you will do it yourself..so it’s in his best interests to do a crap job ,and make a huge mess ,so you don’t expect anything of him in future,clever isn’t he

I agree with the poster who mentioned strategic incompetence, he sounds pathetic and I hope your anger kicks in soon so you can tell him how crap his behaviour was.

Your humour barrier is a lot higher than mine. I'd be fuming.

Yeah I wouldn't be laughing either. He never had any intention of letting you lie in. He sounds utterly pathetic. I bet he's one of those people who can hold down a perfectly respectable job but pleads total ineptitude around the house.

I'd be annoyed too. All the fuss was because he knew you'd do it. Does a toddler need to be breastfed half the night. I know this won't be popular but why make life more difficult than it needs to be.,

Your dh sounds like a fucking idiot

Pour coffee in his fucking guitar.

I mean, really, don't do that. But I need sleep and DH discovered this the hard way when, after a sleepless night and 'lie-in' similar to yours, I nearly walked under a bus. It was an accident, I was just a zombie.

He stepped up after that. I think I got more sleep than he did! Shame my thyroid was fucked so didn't feel the benefit.

I’ve had 4 toddlers ,and I can assure you ,they do not need breastfeeding,or any other kind of feeding during the night ...

He's been a parent for 5 years and he doesn't know how to care for his children alone?

I have to say, I bf mine until they were over a year, but they stopped night feeds at 6/7 months.

Night time weaning is definitely the way to go. They don't need food at night, and if it is comfort, then you can find other things than your poor nipples, comfort toy/blanket, dummy, anything really!

I couldn’t get past the fact you were up all night breastfeeding a toddler. I’m all for breastfeeding, including toddlers, but they don’t need to be feeding all night. I think that’s your actual problem.

Does he have any redeeming qualities?

Toddler might be unwell? My first dropped the night feeds sometime before a year old. My second had near-constant ear infections (under ENT) and I had to co-sleep and let her comfort feed because otherwise neither of us would sleep.

I'm not sure the OP is even "laughing".

I'm imagining more the hysterical cackle of a woman on the edge.

DH inconsolable and flapping about incapable of cleaning it up.

Really?