DH just sabotaged my lie in in the most spectacular fashion.

[bananamuncher]

I was up most of the night with writhing breastfeeding toddler, DH promised me a lie in as I sobbed at 3am about my poor battered nipples. Morning arrives. 5 year old wakes and DH takes his sweet time to get up and take him downstairs which means I’m basically awake now. I hear screaming and sighing and much drama from downstairs. I do get brought a cup of tea in bed though, (proofof no intention to let me sleep...?) While delivering tea he asks me lots of questions about where things are and the day’s weather (how the fuck would I know?).

Five year old comes flying in, switches on lights and climbs under the covers, waking toddler and bringing dog into bed. I can hear DH downstairs playing the fucking guitar! He finally comes up to collect five year old and also takes toddler downstairs. Complains he is useless at making coffee and he can’t find many, many things.

I hear more screaming and shouting from downstairs and decide to give up and go down. I get downstairs to kitchen,DH, five year old and dog all covered in milk ( some bizarre accident apparently) DH inconsolable and flapping about incapable of cleaning it up. Five year old now running around naked except open dressing gown, DH still quizzing me about toddlers missing slipper and the fucking weather!

He’s now taken himself off for a bath....

WIBU to bury him under the patio?

I’m laughing about it to be honest but Jesus Christ....

I would be laughing, despite being tired, as you always need a funny story about family life, which you can tell many times over the years.

1forAll74 which bit of it do you find funny? Genuine question

I feel you. Two year old absolutely
Using me as a dummy every night. DP will take him but I have to ask and he sleeps fine with him!

If you love him and want to make it work, I don’t know why you’re talking about divorce. Just sit down and talk about boundaries and expectations together. But yes, you’re making life harder for yourself by feeding a child through the night. To a pp who accused other posters of ‘classic woman blaming’ I think it’s more a case of, yes he needs to change his behaviour but it’s also on you not to enable or put up with unacceptable behaviour. No real need to be thinking of divorce unless you really can’t stand the guy or you no longer want to be married to him. But not because he hasn’t been pulling his weight with the kids, that’s a bit dramatic.

@ZooeyS

1forAll74 which bit of it do you find funny? Genuine question

Lol remember when daddy was deliberately choosing to be a lazy useless fucker meaning mammy had to do it all leaving her exhausted mentally and physically? Sigh, good times.

This

Oh dear.
(I've read all your posts, OP, but not the replies.)
My advice is to move back to the UK as soon as you can. It sounds as if life is hard atm and you could do with being on home turf with friends and family nearby. (That's assuming you're British and they are in the UK.)

There isn't enough information to go on to be able to say whether or not your husband is a good or bad egg - his behaviour this morning does not cover him in glory but perhaps it's a one off and won't happen again? Or perhaps it's indicative of a general problem? I don't know.

But either way you want to be on home territory and especially if the relationship isn't working out.

Out. You need to go out and leave him to it. He'll cope. Because he has to. Rinse and repeat.

By all means wean all the babies at the same time. Go to a hotel or to a friend's house for a week-end or until you feel fully recovered. Have his mother check in on him so he doesn't neglect the kids. And consider a divorce. It is easier having only two kids.

Yes exactly what’s it got to do with the actual issue here whether she breastfeeds or not !

It's totally the issue because the child doesn't need milk in the night at this age. At all. If she's choosing to allow milk in the night then that's a choice. It's not needed. Sleep is needed in the night. Other people (including partners) don't have to go out of their way to accommodate you if you make choices that keep you awake all night.

Well done for still feeding op 🤛🏻

@CloseSchoolsProtecttheNHS

Other people (including partners) don't have to go out of their way to accommodate you if you make choices that keep you awake all night.

But it isn't 'going out of his way' to let her have a turn at a lie in. That's just regular being decent to your partner. If she was expecting him to do it every day you might have a point re the bf (not IMO, but hey ho there'd be an argument to be made).

But this is just 'her morning'. He gets his (most days by the sound of it) so she should get hers. Not as a special accommodation/luxury, but just fair shares.

Why she's tired is irrelevant. Indeed WHETHER she's tired is irrelevant. It's her lie in. It was agreed. He fucked it up on purpose.

So tell me again why it's SOOOOOO relevant that she happens to feed her 16 month old baby from her breasts? Is it just because you find it icky?

Also what do you even MEAN by 'needed'? Babies 'need' almost nothing. Do you really limit what you do for your kids based on the minimum they 'need' to survive?

Jesus the majority of you sound like a bundle of laughs, shit happens, the husband got it wrong, id hate to live with some of you

@Pringlemonster

I’ve had 4 toddlers ,and I can assure you ,they do not need breastfeeding,or any other kind of feeding during the night ...

Not a breast feeder are you?

Out. You need to go out and leave him to it. He'll cope. Because he has to. Rinse and repeat.

Definitely this. Not that you can go far, but that's exactly what I'd do, even if it just involved a trip to the drive through, sitting listening to the radio in the car, and stretching my legs, child-free for a while.

This is why I'm single. Sick of men-children who "can't cope" or "you do it better" eugh.