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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to ask for reasons dd didn't get the job

223 replies

BedofRoses88 · 14/01/2021 08:58

My dd did a trial at a cafe last week along with some others. I picked her up at the end of it and it all seemed so positive. She was sat down, paid, asked when she could start and what days she could do etc and I was almost certain she would be offered the job. They were taking on more than 1 person. She's 16 and it was me who originally saw the advert so I had previously messaged the owner and chatted to him quite a bit. She's not been told either way but would have been asked to start tomorrow so I'm sure she's not got it. Part of me thinks leave it but the other thinks it would be useful to get constructive criticism. But I don't want it to come across like I'm demanding why she didn't get it! Wwyd?

OP posts:
Drbrowns · 14/01/2021 08:59

Leave it. She’s 16, she can sort these things out herself.

diversity101 · 14/01/2021 09:00

Have you thought that perhaps you are the reason she hasn’t got the job? If she is old enough to work then she is old enough to apply ect by herself! If I was the owner I would be staying clear!

jazzyroll · 14/01/2021 09:00

She should contact the employer herself. I would not be impressed having someones mum phone up to ask for feedback.

MrsLuciferMorningstar · 14/01/2021 09:01

OMG no!!! I’ll never forget when I was that age working in Argos and someone’s dad came in demanding to know why their son hadn’t been taken on after being a Christmas temp. We laughed about that for months!

DanielRicciardosSmile · 14/01/2021 09:01

No you can't do that. If your DD wants feedback she needs to ask herself, she can't have Mummy do it for her.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 14/01/2021 09:02

You shouldn’t have even answered the advert- leave it to your DD!

Bluesername · 14/01/2021 09:03

Time to take a step back, as others have said.

ExclamationPerfume · 14/01/2021 09:04

Sometimes they use "trial" to mean free work. My DD did a trial shift and was promised a job. It turns out they use loads of teenagers for free work. They never actually employ anyone. I let everyone I know with teenagers to avoid them.

diversity101 · 14/01/2021 09:04

On second thought surely this post is fake? I refuse to believe someone would be silly enough to do this?

MaliceOrgan · 14/01/2021 09:05

Your poor daughter

Mrgrinch · 14/01/2021 09:05

If she's old enough to work then she needs to do so without parental interference. That could be exactly what put them off.

Beamur · 14/01/2021 09:05

I would not get involved. But I can see why you're curious.
Let this be a lesson for your DD. If she doesn't get the job, she should be the one to ask.

Same4Walls · 14/01/2021 09:06

@diversity101

Have you thought that perhaps you are the reason she hasn’t got the job? If she is old enough to work then she is old enough to apply ect by herself! If I was the owner I would be staying clear!
As harsh as it sounds this would be my reaction as an employer too. I don't understand why you ever messaged the cafe owner. If she's old enough to work then she should be the one putting in the effort otherwise it just looks like she cannot be bothered.
DenisetheMenace · 14/01/2021 09:06

No, just don’t.

Where are you?

Skyla2005 · 14/01/2021 09:06

You have to let her do these things for herself. I know they are still our baby’s but other people don’t think like that and your daughter has to stand on her own two feet. You shouldn’t have even gone in there atall. Let her do these things on her own. You could have hindered her chance by making her look less capable of being independent and also really embarrassing for her ! Learn from this and next time keep out and let her handle it on her own

sofiaaaaaa · 14/01/2021 09:07

Maybe she was slow and not a good fit for the job?

Maybe you personally put them off? Why are you so involved?

Panicwiththebisto · 14/01/2021 09:07

At least she was paid, it is not unknown for employers in hospitality to to get free workers this way!

Agree she should ask herself.

BornIn78 · 14/01/2021 09:08

Good to read that she was paid for the trial, there are a few cafes and restaurants in my area that are well known for using a "trial" for free labour when they're busy.

It's up to your DD to chase this up. She sounds quite complacent and that will have come across to the owner - you applied for the job and now you want to chase it up. Why hasn't she done it herself?

vodkaredbullgirl · 14/01/2021 09:09

My 21 yr old dd has been for many interviews, never once have a questioned an employer why she didnt get the job.

CaptainMyCaptain · 14/01/2021 09:09

@diversity101

Have you thought that perhaps you are the reason she hasn’t got the job? If she is old enough to work then she is old enough to apply ect by herself! If I was the owner I would be staying clear!
That is my thought exactly. I wouldn't want to employ someone who needed their Mum to speak for them. I had part time jobs from the age of 15 and it wouldn't have occurred to me to get my parents involved, the same went for my daughter 25 years later.
Mamette · 14/01/2021 09:10

You can advise your DD to ring them and ask for feedback. Obviously you can’t do it because you have nothing to do with it.

openthewineplease · 14/01/2021 09:10

Surely all cafes have been closed since last Tuesday ? Maybe they are not taking on due to Lockdown.

shouldistop · 14/01/2021 09:10

If I was interviewing someone I wouldn't go for someone who's mum had messaged about the job.
It would indicate the applicant was immature.

xyzandabc · 14/01/2021 09:11

No, do not do that. If your dd wants feedback, she is quite capable of asking herself.

If it came down to 2 people for a job who were otherwise equal, but one had applied themselves and the other I knew had had a lot of input from mum, I'd be taking the one who was independent and self motivated.

If you see any more adverts, please take a photo and pass it on to your dd. Do not start messaging and chatting to the owner/manager, it gives the impression that your dd is not capable of doing things for herself without your help.

Brighterthansunflowers · 14/01/2021 09:12

YABU for messaging the owner on her behalf in the first place and for considering contacting them for feedback.

If she’s old enough to work she’s old enough to contact a prospective employer herself and to ask for feedback herself if she wants to.