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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to ask for reasons dd didn't get the job

223 replies

BedofRoses88 · 14/01/2021 08:58

My dd did a trial at a cafe last week along with some others. I picked her up at the end of it and it all seemed so positive. She was sat down, paid, asked when she could start and what days she could do etc and I was almost certain she would be offered the job. They were taking on more than 1 person. She's 16 and it was me who originally saw the advert so I had previously messaged the owner and chatted to him quite a bit. She's not been told either way but would have been asked to start tomorrow so I'm sure she's not got it. Part of me thinks leave it but the other thinks it would be useful to get constructive criticism. But I don't want it to come across like I'm demanding why she didn't get it! Wwyd?

OP posts:
Neverending21 · 14/01/2021 09:12

I work in a university and every day we are getting calls from parents questioning the admissions policy. Sometimes pretending to be the student themselves, asking why they didn’t get an offer or why we can’t downgrade the Admissions criteria just for their child etc etc etc. Please don’t do it.

icelollycraving · 14/01/2021 09:12

Absolutely she can request feedback once she’s told or alternatively, get in touch to ask if there is an update.
I’d assume they were not employing with the uncertainty in hospitality remaining open even for takeaway.
She is an adult, let her be treated like one. When I have parents contacting me about their adult daughters not coming in to work etc, I am polite but basically give them short shrift. You may well not be helping her to be seen as a potential candidate.

ArnoldBee · 14/01/2021 09:17

Well.if you're in the UK the cafe probably won't be needing your daughter's services for a while.

Fieldofyellowflowers · 14/01/2021 09:17

I would be mortified if either of my parents did this. I can handle people giving me construction criticism but I'd rather it not be given to my parents to pass on to me.

When I came home from interviews, my dad would want to know what all the questions were and what my answers had been. He is a manager and I could tell that he was trying to assess whether or not I had got the job. It made me feel awful. I would already be tearing myself apart over what answers I had given and to have to go over all of it again made it worse.

KatherineJaneway · 14/01/2021 09:18

If she can't ask for herself an update on the job application, that may be the reason she hasn't been given an offer?

Porcupineintherough · 14/01/2021 09:18

Jobs are grown up time. You can suggest to your dd that she asks for feedback (although the response is unlikely to be helpful - what can they say, someone else was better?). In future, all contact with the employer should be by the applicant.

sofiaaaaaa · 14/01/2021 09:19

I used to work at TOPSHOP when I was her age, so when I got to 20 I was senior enough to arrange recruitment for our store. I would certainly have been put off by a overbearing parent of a 16 year old. Come to think of it, I hired many teens and never dealt with any parents. You’re not giving her an “edge” against her competitors; rather you’re giving her a reason to be rejected

I’m now 23 and work in my graduate field (finance); my parents have rightfully never been involved in any of my job applications to date.

FineWhiteBread · 14/01/2021 09:20

@diversity101

On second thought surely this post is fake? I refuse to believe someone would be silly enough to do this?
I’ve worked in HR for a very long time and believe it to be true.

I once had a woman ring me on behalf of her son (it was nearly always mothers and sons, incidentally, often teachers for some reason), who was a 22 year old Masters student doing a placement with us.
Her questions included-
Can he bring the lunch she packs for him or would he have to eat from the canteen?
Will he need a shirt on Fridays or it is casual dress? She was delighted to hear it was casual because then she’d only need to iron four shirts each week.
Who would he sit with for lunch?

I refused to answer anything but very generic questions, nothing about him specifically. She got most annoyed when I wouldn’t tell her what salary he’d be on.

Pringlemonster · 14/01/2021 09:21

Superdrug did this to my daughter.she worked a full day .worked really hard as well. No pay ,and no job...I came to the conclusion there wasn’t a job in the first place .

SchrodingersImmigrant · 14/01/2021 09:21

@diversity101

Have you thought that perhaps you are the reason she hasn’t got the job? If she is old enough to work then she is old enough to apply ect by herself! If I was the owner I would be staying clear!
Unfortunately, yeah. Employers are looking for people who can handle things themselves even if they are 16. At 16 you are absolutely capable of texting to the owner.

It's her who should ask. I think she should if all looked good.

user1493413286 · 14/01/2021 09:22

She can ask for feedback; not you. Next time she goes for a job then I’d suggest she contact the place herself and not you; obviously you can help her word it and think about what to say but even at 16 it’s not the best impression for a parent to be the one doing the contacting.

movingonup20 · 14/01/2021 09:23

If you are in the U.K., everything has shut so that would be the reason. Elsewhere, just leave it, it's tough in most countries

sofiaaaaaa · 14/01/2021 09:23

Employers like independent candidates that can use their initiative when necessary - they don’t want to handhold an employee throughout their shifts. You’re making her seem like a potentially problematic hire.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 14/01/2021 09:23

@openthewineplease

Surely all cafes have been closed since last Tuesday ? Maybe they are not taking on due to Lockdown.
Maybe she isn't in the uk🙄

Newsflash. Not the whole world is fucked like us

CaptainMyCaptain · 14/01/2021 09:23

@ArnoldBee

Well.if you're in the UK the cafe probably won't be needing your daughter's services for a while.
True but my grandson got a job in a restaurant back in October and has had several training sessions although, obviously, not in the current lockdown. They are still in touch with him and want him to start as soon as they are able to open.
Winterwoollies · 14/01/2021 09:24

Good grief, stop hovering and fretting.

Terracottasaur · 14/01/2021 09:25

Your daughter could ask for feedback - it’s often a useful exercise. You should definitely not do so on her behalf, as at 16 she is too old to have her mother intervene in matters of employment.

user1487194234 · 14/01/2021 09:25

Personally I reject applicants whose parents get involved in the process

Mousehole10 · 14/01/2021 09:25

No please don’t do that. If they haven’t decided yet it will probably guarantee she doesn’t get it. At 16 she should be doing everything herself. You should have just sent her the job advert and let her phone up, not have a chat with the owner yourself

springdale1 · 14/01/2021 09:26

I hired around 50 teenagers/students for summer and weekend jobs at a tourist attraction in my last job. I never ever hired anyone when the parents had contacted about the job. They were always the ones without fail that called up to cancel ten minutes before a shift because they thought their child need to revise or do school work. Fine with notice but not ten minutes before a shift!

Same4Walls · 14/01/2021 09:27

@Pringlemonster

Superdrug did this to my daughter.she worked a full day .worked really hard as well. No pay ,and no job...I came to the conclusion there wasn’t a job in the first place .
Whilst frustrating for your daughter I'm not sure of the relevance as it's not even a remotely similar situation, the OP says her daughter was paid.
JeezyPeeps · 14/01/2021 09:27

On second thought surely this post is fake? I refuse to believe someone would be silly enough to do this?

Oh people do worse! In a previous workplace, the mother took her 18 year old son to the interview, and actuality wanted to be in on the interview. He interviewed fairly well, but as the door opened for him to leave, she went in the room asking the interviewer if he'd done okay, and doing she could help with any questions he'd struggled with. The poor guy looked completely embarrassed by her.

Then when he didn't get the job, she was on the phone asking why not. They wouldn't respond to her, so she put him on the phone. They said something like they needed someone that was able to work independently, and he'd been unable to demonstrate that.

Op, don't do it.

LIZS · 14/01/2021 09:28

It will be casual work so given most coffee shops are offering a limited service and needing fewer staff. She could call and ask when her first shift might be, but her not you.

GoldenLabbie · 14/01/2021 09:29

There are no cafe’s open at the moment are there?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 14/01/2021 09:29

Do not contact them under any circumstances! If your DD wants feedback then let her do it. She should have applied for the job, not you!

Mine worked in shops/cafes from 14/15 and did all the contacting etc. Yes they were nervous and a bit unsure and I gave them advice, but it's something they need to learn at that age. Take a step back OP.

A friend's 16 year old DS recently had a zoom interview for a college application …. mum hovered in the background and then sat down and started asking questions! Cringe! I couldn't believe it when she told me. 6ft lad sitting there with his mum Shock

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