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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to ask for reasons dd didn't get the job

223 replies

BedofRoses88 · 14/01/2021 08:58

My dd did a trial at a cafe last week along with some others. I picked her up at the end of it and it all seemed so positive. She was sat down, paid, asked when she could start and what days she could do etc and I was almost certain she would be offered the job. They were taking on more than 1 person. She's 16 and it was me who originally saw the advert so I had previously messaged the owner and chatted to him quite a bit. She's not been told either way but would have been asked to start tomorrow so I'm sure she's not got it. Part of me thinks leave it but the other thinks it would be useful to get constructive criticism. But I don't want it to come across like I'm demanding why she didn't get it! Wwyd?

OP posts:
BornIn78 · 14/01/2021 09:30

@GoldenLabbie

There are no cafe’s open at the moment are there?
What, no cafe's in the whole world?
Sn0tnose · 14/01/2021 09:31

She's 16 and it was me who originally saw the advert so I had previously messaged the owner and chatted to him quite a bit. She’s 16, so why on earth wouldn’t you have just shown her the advert and suggested she apply for it herself?

I mean this in the kindest possible way but she’s at the age where she needs to start learning how to have the confidence and the ability to start making her own way in the world. She’s not going to learn how to do that if you’re applying for jobs for her at the age of 16.

Hotelhelp · 14/01/2021 09:31

You being so involved would put the employer right off. I’m sure they want an independent teen.

Treacletreacle · 14/01/2021 09:31

This reminds me of the time I had a mother who worked in another department come and start moaning at me about not giving her darling son some summer shifts in our department. She walked away in a huff when I pointed out that a. He hadn't offered to work any of the shifts and b. He wasn't very proactive when he had worked. Time to leave your daughter to it....everyone involved will be much happier.

Heyahun · 14/01/2021 09:33

Oh gawd how embarrassing to have your mum call them up to ask what happened ugh

If you do that shel deffo never hear back

It’s only been a day just leave it and she still may hear back - if not then in future leave her to it and stay out of it

GoldenLabbie · 14/01/2021 09:34

BornIn78 I’m assuming the OP is in the U.K., like most posters on MN. If she’s not in the U.K. then she should have made that clear.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 14/01/2021 09:34

My DD is a uni student and recently had an interview for a supermarket job, that also went really well, as far as she was concerned, to the point they were writing a name badge and asking what she liked to be called .. nickname etc. So she came away thinking she'd nailed it …. never heard another thing! These things happen unfortunately, although it is a shit way to behave with these young people.

NameChange2PostThis · 14/01/2021 09:35

@BedofRoses88 sorry OP but I can’t help noticing, this is the same DD who is breaking all the lockdown rules, taking drugs and drinking to excess. Yes I did post that she needs a job or a course but I’m not sure you persuading someone to employ her is the right solution to the wider problem. She needs to start taking some responsibility. In this situation the least she can do is contact the owner herself. If she can’t or won’t do that, then it shouldn’t surprise you if she doesn’t get the job.

SoupDragon · 14/01/2021 09:35

Good lord, let her deal with it herself! If she is old enough for a job, she is old enough not to have mummy phone the cafe owner.

If you do phone, that will be why she doesn't get the job.

BornIn78 · 14/01/2021 09:36

If she’s not in the U.K. then she should have made that clear.

I think she made it pretty clear by the very fact that she stated in the OP that her daughter did a trial in a cafe last week.

Jobsharenightmare · 14/01/2021 09:36

Well I guess she may have come across as lacking in confidence and social skills given how much involvement you've had in the application process I wonder if she isn't particularly able and needs you to help empower her not do things for her?

OliviaKeeling · 14/01/2021 09:36

My dad lost me a job I had started, on a 3 month trial period. He worked for the same company and decided to phone my manager weekly for a report on my work. I was let go after a few weeks and the reason I was given was that my work had been good but the fact that my parent kept checking up on me had led them to terminate my contract.

He refused to believe that and kept saying that I must have done something wrong. Angry

SchrodingersImmigrant · 14/01/2021 09:38

I've had a parent sitting on next table when I was interviewing a 19 year old girl.
Mum even came and introduced herself when I came to start the interview...

Please, parents, don't do that👀 You are costing your children jobs.

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2021 09:39

Op, you need to teach your child not to it for them.

She should be calling and asking.

MyMonsteraisDeliciosa · 14/01/2021 09:40

Echoing everyone else, please don't!!

She is a big girl at 16 and needs to be doing these things herself. My youngest of three is 16 so I know teenagers and I'm not being unrealistic. Please let her fend for herself, she will probably be going off to uni in a couple of years and needs these valuable independent skills

Sonders · 14/01/2021 09:43

Parents acting on behalf of their children definitely does happen. It happened 10 years ago when I managed a high street shop and it happens now when I'm running my own business.

There are some circumstances where I can totally empathise, like if a young employee is dealing with a sensitive issue and needs support.

But your daughter doesn't need support with a tricky situation - you're the one in search of answers.

If you're that keen for feedback - as a compromise, could you write a message that your daughter could send?

SoupDragon · 14/01/2021 09:44

@BornIn78

If she’s not in the U.K. then she should have made that clear.

I think she made it pretty clear by the very fact that she stated in the OP that her daughter did a trial in a cafe last week.

The OP's DD has been breaking lockdown rules so that would imply otherwise.
Mrgrinch · 14/01/2021 09:44

@Pringlemonster

Superdrug did this to my daughter.she worked a full day .worked really hard as well. No pay ,and no job...I came to the conclusion there wasn’t a job in the first place .
That's quite ridiculous and if that's what you told her then you did not do her any favours.
1940s · 14/01/2021 09:45

@jazzyroll

She should contact the employer herself. I would not be impressed having someones mum phone up to ask for feedback.
This. It shows initiative and is a good lesson for her to email / call / write a letter to politely ask for constructive feedback.
ILoveAllRainbowsx · 14/01/2021 09:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

icelollycraving · 14/01/2021 09:51

To the pp saying about Superdrug, I work in retail. A large company are really not going to have the hassle of advertising, taking details into the system etc is really not the bother for a day of someone who is not familiar with the store/till etc.
Telling your dd there wasn’t a job did her no favours.

SoupDragon · 14/01/2021 09:53

@ExclamationPerfume

Sometimes they use "trial" to mean free work. My DD did a trial shift and was promised a job. It turns out they use loads of teenagers for free work. They never actually employ anyone. I let everyone I know with teenagers to avoid them.
In this case she was paid though.
viques · 14/01/2021 09:58

I messaged the owner and chatted to him quite a bit

There’s your answer. Sorry, OP he didn’t fancy you enough to employ your daughter. Try harder next time.

Grin
Londontown12 · 14/01/2021 09:59

Same thing happened to my Dd when she was 17 !
Basically did the trial promised job did another trial said they would let her know when she was starting and then heard nothing then asked her to do another shift trial which I encouraged her to do and the daughter was absolutely vile to my dd !
She came home in tears I think they just get kids in to do free trials and don’t employ them I told her to ask for some money on the last trial and they did pay her but she was best of not getting the job if I’m honest x

CorianderBee · 14/01/2021 10:01

@vodkaredbullgirl

My 21 yr old dd has been for many interviews, never once have a questioned an employer why she didnt get the job.
Feedback is very normal to ask for