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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to ask for reasons dd didn't get the job

223 replies

BedofRoses88 · 14/01/2021 08:58

My dd did a trial at a cafe last week along with some others. I picked her up at the end of it and it all seemed so positive. She was sat down, paid, asked when she could start and what days she could do etc and I was almost certain she would be offered the job. They were taking on more than 1 person. She's 16 and it was me who originally saw the advert so I had previously messaged the owner and chatted to him quite a bit. She's not been told either way but would have been asked to start tomorrow so I'm sure she's not got it. Part of me thinks leave it but the other thinks it would be useful to get constructive criticism. But I don't want it to come across like I'm demanding why she didn't get it! Wwyd?

OP posts:
ChronicallyCurious · 14/01/2021 11:07

I too would be thinking that maybe you are the reason why. She could have messaged herself, why didn’t she? If I was the employer I’d be worried the moment anything went wrong/shifts needed changing/ something else then I’d have Mum messaging me so I’d steer well clear.

bigbird1969 · 14/01/2021 11:08

Someone I know interefered with her DD trial at a hair salon. It was a good little saturday job at 50 a week. The mother called the owner having a go at not paying her cash in hand. Got into an argument and the poor girl lost her job. Stay out of it,

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/01/2021 11:11

I interviewed a 16 year old for a kitchen runner job, he ticked all the boxes but one....his mother insisted on coming in to the interview with him. You could just tell that she was that mother.

I felt very sorry for him but couldnt give him the job. I did suggest that in future he attended interviews alone and he would stand a better chance. I was half expecting her to ring to ask why he didnt get it!

schmockdown · 14/01/2021 11:12

Assuming you are in te UK there are probably a ridiculous amount of candidates for a job in a cafe at the moment, there would have been someone more suitable without their mum applying for them.

SweetPetrichor · 14/01/2021 11:12

If she wants feedback, she can request it. Don't get involved on her behalf. I wouldn't be at all surprised if your involvement is what prevents her getting a job. In a previous job, where we employed teens for work experience, summer jobs, weekend work, etc, if the mum (always the fucking mum) got involved, the individual wasn't worth hiring cause they didn't have any drive on their own, and their mum would want to be involved where she shouldn't be. Never hire a teen with an over involved parent. It's a bad decision.

ohnothisagain · 14/01/2021 11:12

As many others have said, I wouldn’t employ somebody who’s mother is that heavily involved! Its a recipe for trouble and additional work for the employer. Not worth it, even if your daughter would have been the perfect fit.

FrostedCranberries · 14/01/2021 11:13

Didnt know cafes were open. Where abouts are you? Is the cafe only open for takeaway?

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/01/2021 11:13

@schmockdown

Assuming you are in te UK there are probably a ridiculous amount of candidates for a job in a cafe at the moment, there would have been someone more suitable without their mum applying for them.
YY

I applied for a job at Costa after I was made redundant in October. They had over 500 applicants for one part time job. I did get an interview but didnt get the job and I have years of hospitality experience.

ohnothisagain · 14/01/2021 11:13

Never hire a teen with an over involved parent. It's a bad decision. that with bells on. or one who brings their boyfriend/girlfriend...

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/01/2021 11:14

@FrostedCranberries

Didnt know cafes were open. Where abouts are you? Is the cafe only open for takeaway?
FFS what does it matter?!
Neenan · 14/01/2021 11:16

My DD had a short term cafe job at 15, she was “let go” simply because despite working hard and being reliable she was just too slow and not as thorough as her older competition. A year later she got a job in a fish restaurant with takeaway and worked super hard and had matured and they were very reluctant to let her go a year later when she got a job at river island. She has forever since been perceived as a helpful, reliable and knowledgeable grafter and is very appreciated in her job.

It’s hard to believe our off spring aren’t the right person for the job but sometimes there was a better candidate on the day. She’s 16, encourage her to keep looking and keep your nose out.

Original poster
BedofRoses88 · 14/01/2021 11:19

Well that's me told isn't it 😂 just to clear a few things up. I'm not quite as bad as it sounds honestly! Basically it's a local cafe and it was a Facebook post asking for people to message them if interested. I only saw it the next day and dd isn't on FB so I just sent a brief message asking if the job had been filled and if not dd would drop her cv off. Which she did. The owner messaged me the next day and asked if dd could get in touch. Dd then went to do the trial. It was only because I went into the cafe after the owner chatted to me. I stood back away when he wanted to speak to dd because I didn't want to interfere!
I definitely won't message though now.

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 14/01/2021 11:20

I would be mortified if my mother had got involved in my employment at that age, and would be wanting to leave home ASAP.

Neenan · 14/01/2021 11:21

Oh course, your DD may have said she couldn’t or wouldn’t work on the days they wanted her. I know someone whose son couldn’t get a PT job because he didn’t want to work Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning as he would miss football.

ProudAuntie76 · 14/01/2021 11:21

Seeing as cafes are currently closed except for takeaway maybe that’s why you haven’t heard anything? Tricky time financially to take anyone new on with no in person customers.

notalwaysalondoner · 14/01/2021 11:23

I'd coach your daughter to ask herself - mainly because I think it is SO disrespectful of employers to not give clear rejections. It's a real trend nowadays that they just leave you hanging - at least your daughter knew the start date, often with professional roles you have no clue and just gradually realise you haven't got it but keep hoping for weeks/months and they never contact you.

I think it's fine to coach her as teenagers/graduates are often way too cautious in these things, but don't do it for her.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 14/01/2021 11:23

It's fine to pick her up but no way should you go in and stand there while they talk. That would ultimately put me off. And it did obviously put them off

grapewine · 14/01/2021 11:24

@diversity101

Have you thought that perhaps you are the reason she hasn’t got the job? If she is old enough to work then she is old enough to apply ect by herself! If I was the owner I would be staying clear!
I'm sorry, but that was my first thought reading the OP as well. I think you should step back.
TellingBone · 14/01/2021 11:28

@notalwaysalondoner

I'd coach your daughter to ask herself - mainly because I think it is SO disrespectful of employers to not give clear rejections. It's a real trend nowadays that they just leave you hanging - at least your daughter knew the start date, often with professional roles you have no clue and just gradually realise you haven't got it but keep hoping for weeks/months and they never contact you.

I think it's fine to coach her as teenagers/graduates are often way too cautious in these things, but don't do it for her.

This.

Your job now is to teach her to deal with the adult world, not to do that stuff for her.

In any case, even if either of you did contact the employer they'd probably just say that someone else had more experience. If there had been a 'real' concern the employer wouldn't want to get themself into potential strife by telling you!

SoupDragon · 14/01/2021 11:28

@ProudAuntie76

Seeing as cafes are currently closed except for takeaway maybe that’s why you haven’t heard anything? Tricky time financially to take anyone new on with no in person customers.
Except this cafe was hiring. Obviously.
TulipsTwoLips · 14/01/2021 11:33

Asking for feedback rarely gets an honest answer. I wouldn't even bother encouraging her to ask for it.

If they don't want your daughter they have nothing to gain from engaging with you any more.

MadameBlobby · 14/01/2021 11:36

Where is this that there is a cafe open? (Misses point)

ProudAuntie76 · 14/01/2021 11:36

Except this cafe was hiring. Obviously

One week ago exactly cafes were ordered to close across the U.K. The Dd had her trial sometime “last week”. Presumably they advertised they were hiring prior to the deadline. In some parts of the U.K. even in person takeaway coffees are no longer allowed from the 15th. The situation has changed and it’s perfectly reasonable to assume that as a result employers have had to make careful decisions around recruitment.

GypsyLee · 14/01/2021 11:37

Suggest to your dd that she contacts them, it's none of your business now she's 16.
You have to let her stand on her own two feet.
Mine would have been embarrassed ad mortified if I'd have interferred once they were 16.

Respectabitch · 14/01/2021 11:52

I agree that it's disrespectful and rubbish not to get back to someone after an actual interview/trial. However, a lot of employers have moved away from giving postinterview feedback because it's usually a thankless process and you generally get either argumentation and defensiveness, or they try to use it as an opening to argue themselves into the job. The candidate who accepts feedback and considers it for the future is rare.

Agree with PP, do NOT contact them and don't have anything to do with any job applications in future, because nothing will get her blackballed faster than a helicopter mother.
Well, not many things.