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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to ask for reasons dd didn't get the job

223 replies

BedofRoses88 · 14/01/2021 08:58

My dd did a trial at a cafe last week along with some others. I picked her up at the end of it and it all seemed so positive. She was sat down, paid, asked when she could start and what days she could do etc and I was almost certain she would be offered the job. They were taking on more than 1 person. She's 16 and it was me who originally saw the advert so I had previously messaged the owner and chatted to him quite a bit. She's not been told either way but would have been asked to start tomorrow so I'm sure she's not got it. Part of me thinks leave it but the other thinks it would be useful to get constructive criticism. But I don't want it to come across like I'm demanding why she didn't get it! Wwyd?

OP posts:
malificent7 · 14/01/2021 17:32

I think asking for feedback is good practice but SHE needs to ask...not you.

Takingontheflab · 14/01/2021 17:34

Why hasn't she called them? Also it's possible she's misunderstood, sounds like they agreed a start date !?

Yogalola · 15/01/2021 17:25

Your daughter should get in touch with the employer to ask whether she was successful. Strange times at the moment so maybe employer still considering but nothing to lose by reaffirming she’s still keen and wondering when she can start.

Leedsfan247 · 15/01/2021 17:26

Very rarely would get truthful feedback from a failed interview

Tumblebugsjump · 15/01/2021 17:28

Unless they’re specifically looking for younger staff to save money, it will have gone to someone more experienced, so many people are out of work. Tbh surprised a cafe are advertising at all, our kids have been messed about loads, 18, still no jobs, been applying for months.

tommyhoundmum · 15/01/2021 17:35

I agree with much of this. Why would your daughter want to work for someone who hasn't got the manners to let people know when they don't get the job they'd applied for. Especially when they are young people.

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 15/01/2021 17:38

I’m sure you’re sick of these replies but could be helpful to coach your daughter (by writing a script or helping her draft an email) to request some feedback? It’s not unusual to get feedback after interviews/trial and it might help her for next time she applies for a job

Mumof3girlygirls · 15/01/2021 17:38

They could be doing take aways.

Mitzimccormack · 15/01/2021 17:39

I own (in less Covid times) a busy pub with a large restaurant. I am quite happy if a visiting parent, or a regular customer asks about a job for their teenagers, but I always qualify it by saying that they need to come in and see me, or phone me themselves. I would never discuss how somebody did on a trial shift with their parents, and it’s incredibly rude of them if they ask.
I always make allowances for a bit of shyness at a first interview, but I explain to them very clearly that a waiting job involves lots of chatting to customers.
I never expect anybody to do a free trial shift. It’s immoral. There a a few big companies that seem to specialise in desserts that you have to clarify about payment first if your teen is offered a trial. In my experience you absolutely cannot tell how a teen will perform as a team member until they have a go.

And two top tips. Emphasise eye contact. In a public facing role it’s essential.
And advise them to dress as if they work there. So an ironed black or white shirt, smart jeans and nice boots or trainers. Minimal jewellery, no dangly bracelets, and remember facial piercing has to be covered, and only tiny earrings. Oh and no bright false nails. In normal times I have 23/25 waiting staff on my roster and I really enjoy training up the young ones. They usually stay till they go off to uni, or move into full time employment.

Rachel1874 · 15/01/2021 17:41

Your daughter is entitled to ask for feedback. But be prepared for it to be a standard answer.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 15/01/2021 17:41

Employer didn't want an employee where everything had to be discussed with interfering parent?

Sadly it's not unusual for cafes etc to have people in for trials to fill shifts.

soanco68 · 15/01/2021 17:42

She should ask and they should tell her, but you shouldn't, it's a good skill to learn, how to ask for potentially bad news, how to react and how to use it to its advantage.

Also times are odd at the moment, they could have other issues so it may not be bad news.

Dontlikeveg · 15/01/2021 17:44

Did you tell your daughter you had phoned about the job and had asked loads of questions? I don't think my daughter at 16 would have followed through after mummy applying. Does your daughter know you want to phone them again, to ask for feedback! Encouraging her is totally different from doing it for her. I don't think you're doing her any favours here.

angela99999 · 15/01/2021 17:45

Years ago my DS went for a "trial" for a washing up job in a local restaurant - he didn't get it, but we knew someone whose daughter worked there as a waitress and found out that nobody got it, they were indeed simply using him as a fill-in when somebody was sick. And he didn't get paid.

Bourbonic · 15/01/2021 17:46

There isn't much worse than an interfering parent when you manage young people and I'd avoid for sure.

Why not just get her to call for feedback?

lanbro · 15/01/2021 17:46

Personally, as a business owner I only accept applications from the applicant, not their mum...

recklessruby · 15/01/2021 17:47

Could be they just thought another candidate was a better fit? Your dd might have done everything right but someone else fit in better?
At least she was paid. Years ago my dd 17 did a trial shift for a soap and beauty products shop and they said all the same things to her but she didnt get it.
My only involvement was to give her a hug and tell her there's other places and she did fine.
Weirdly enough she went for an interview in the same place a year later and got the job.
Tell your dd we ve all been there and it sucks but she ll get something if she keeps trying.

valleyplaza · 15/01/2021 17:53

I can imagine that by speaking to the manager, you gave the impression that your daughter was a bit immature and was just looking for a little bit of work for a bit of pocket money. I was a manager in a coffee shop, and I would avoid this kind of hire. It is actually quite hard work, and does require people to get stuck in. If a 16 year old approached me themselves, I'd be way more inclined to give them a shot.

winniestone37 · 15/01/2021 18:10

By 16 it was all on me, I get it we all feel tempted to micro manage our kids but you can’t. You might very well be the issue she dint get the job.

LILLYPRINT · 15/01/2021 18:10

If i was your daughter, I would ask if they could tell me why I was unsuccessful, asking if it was my interview that did not come across well. Maybe saying is it something she could improve on next time she is interviewed. Constructive criticism can be a good thing.

csigeek · 15/01/2021 18:13

She should be asking for feedback not you

shinynewapple2021 · 15/01/2021 18:15

Are you in the UK? Could be that they are waiting until after lockdown to ascertain who they will want and when .

Wotrewelookinat · 15/01/2021 18:22

My daughter’s 16 and would be mortified if I got involved in something like this!

Shirl662 · 15/01/2021 18:29

What cafe is even open at this time? I smell a fake and attention-seeking post 😏🤨

Almostslimjim · 15/01/2021 18:34

What cafe is even open at this time? I smell a fake and attention-seeking post 😏🤨

Well almost all the cafes near us are open. Take away only but lots of staff and very busy.

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