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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wibu to ask for reasons dd didn't get the job

223 replies

BedofRoses88 · 14/01/2021 08:58

My dd did a trial at a cafe last week along with some others. I picked her up at the end of it and it all seemed so positive. She was sat down, paid, asked when she could start and what days she could do etc and I was almost certain she would be offered the job. They were taking on more than 1 person. She's 16 and it was me who originally saw the advert so I had previously messaged the owner and chatted to him quite a bit. She's not been told either way but would have been asked to start tomorrow so I'm sure she's not got it. Part of me thinks leave it but the other thinks it would be useful to get constructive criticism. But I don't want it to come across like I'm demanding why she didn't get it! Wwyd?

OP posts:

MaskingForIt · 14/01/2021 11:59

@vodkaredbullgirl

My 21 yr old dd has been for many interviews, never once have a questioned an employer why she didnt get the job.

How Ian she going to improve her interview performance if she doesn’t ask for feedback?

If she’s asked after the first interview, maybe she’d have got the second.

StephenBelafonte · 14/01/2021 12:00

I haven't read the full thread but just wanted to add that it's very likely she didn't get the job because YOU applied instead of her

Whiskysoda · 14/01/2021 12:02

Without you knowing what she said or did, it’s impossible to say why she didn’t get the job.

Maybe she said she could only work one day a week and that was Sunday or half day closing day! Maybe she wiped he nose on the heel of her hand so as to sabotage her job prospects or maybe the owner is using prospective employees as free labour.

Maybe he asked her to wash and dry some cups and she was clueless as to how a tea-towel works, sorry if I sound mean but if you have babied her all her life by not teaching her basics like how to wash a cup or apply for a job then you have done her no favours.

I’m sure there were dozens of kids and mums interested in the job, she just needs to gain experience from the interview and move on.

Indecisive12 · 14/01/2021 12:06

Just read your update OP, it does sound like you were too involved. It doesn’t help her look independent and mature.

Respectabitch · 14/01/2021 12:06

I think @vodkaredbullgirl's point is that she has never asked an employer for feedback on her DD's interviews.

Lookslikerainted · 14/01/2021 12:07

Yes your poor daughter. Are this this controlling in all aspects of her life?

NoSquirrels · 14/01/2021 12:09

Do encourage her to contact the owner herself - by going in (are they doing takeaway?) or calling.

Cuntitinthebin · 14/01/2021 12:09

Judging from you last thread, I wouldn't hire your daughter either.

DDiva · 14/01/2021 12:10

No this is for dd to deal with. In fact the reason dd didnt get the job may well be because 'you were messaging them quite a bit'. Who needs an employee who's mother keeps getting involved !

GhostPepperTears · 14/01/2021 12:12

As a flip example: when I was 15 (way back in the dark ages 90s) my 'surrogate' mum took me into a coffee shop to introduce me to the owner and ask if he had any jobs going.

He gave me a job straight away. I then handled my own employment details but the intro and stand-in application doesn't appear to have done me any harm. There is no one in real life who would describe me as needing my mum to fight any battles for me

Obviously, I have no clue whether the OP applying influenced this situation but wanted to give the OP some small hope they were not the most interfering mum ever

peak2021 · 14/01/2021 12:14

Your DD should have asked for feedback, not you.

Winterwoollies · 14/01/2021 12:14

What is with the sanctimonious Covid policing on every sodding thread? What do they get out of it??? A snug sense of self satisfaction?? 🙄

littlepattilou · 14/01/2021 12:14

@BedofRoses88 I feel for your lovely DD, I really do. But please do let her sort this herself. She is only 16, and is still very young, and I am not saying she doesn't still need parental support and help, but she does need to sort this herself.

How rude to not let her know. Sounds like she dodged a bullet here. Would she really want to work for these people anyway? Someone who is rude and thoughtless?

I hope something else comes along for her soon.

You sound like a fab mother by the way. Don't take the VERY negative comments to heatr.

littlepattilou · 14/01/2021 12:15

*HEART! not heatr!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 14/01/2021 12:16

It would be fine for DD to enquire about job. Your role should be limited to behind the scenes. So reading through CV / application to check for errors fine. Giving tips about interviews fine. Anything else not fine.

littlepattilou · 14/01/2021 12:21

[quote NameChange2PostThis]@BedofRoses88 sorry OP but I can’t help noticing, this is the same DD who is breaking all the lockdown rules, taking drugs and drinking to excess. Yes I did post that she needs a job or a course but I’m not sure you persuading someone to employ her is the right solution to the wider problem. She needs to start taking some responsibility. In this situation the least she can do is contact the owner herself. If she can’t or won’t do that, then it shouldn’t surprise you if she doesn’t get the job.[/quote]
Oh I didn't know all this before I posted.

Just looked at the OP's other thread about her DD from yesterday.

Maybe she is not such a 'lovely' daughter after all.

Pumpkinpied · 14/01/2021 12:29

You say you’re not THAT mum but you were there on the day too!

MsJinks · 14/01/2021 12:32

I think posters are a bit harsh on the OP - I have asked in a local pub that had just gone under new management whether they were looking for staff - for my daughter - and I was given a phone number for her to call and she got the job. She had actually applied already, unknown to me, and not heard back that way.
To be fair, it was the friend I was with who asked after I said to them I’m going to tell my daughter there may be jobs going here - they said nothing asked, nothing gained and went ahead - worked out well. She was also 25 but rather struggling at that point for various reasons.
When most of MN think parents should support their kids to age 90 plus on some threads I am surprised that support for a 16 year old into a job is so frowned on - kids are not as mature/life wise nowadays from a young age with first babysitting and then waitressing through mid teens. The OP did limited support as well - hardly trying to do the interview for her - so I don’t think it’s too much.
I do agree I wouldn’t ask for her why she didn’t get the job but maybe advise her on feedback and getting it. My daughter got a job in a caf though like 3 days before lockdown so could be that change. Yes, whilst pub job went well for around 2 years, it has now gone bust - joys of Covid!

SomewhatBored · 14/01/2021 12:33

Well, if you are in the UK the cafe can't have been open last week for anything other than takeaways - so I doubt they are in need of many staff.

Perhaps they will keep her in mind for when lockdown is lifted.

RedskyBynight · 14/01/2021 12:34

sorry OP but I can’t help noticing, this is the same DD who is breaking all the lockdown rules, taking drugs and drinking to excess.

Hmm, if she revealed any of that during her trial, not so surprising she didn't get the job.

littlefireseverywhere · 14/01/2021 12:38

Both my teenagers have got jobs this pandemic part time local in shops and I've seen the adverts by they've answered them. I've also helped to write the initial emails but they've done everything else. Contact is with them, not with you. But I bet that you're a fab parent looking out for her!

ethelredhead · 14/01/2021 12:41

I wouldn't employ a 16 year whose mother rang up and chatted to me about the job. I know that the first time things do not go perfectly at work mummy will be on the phone to sort things out. She has to do this for herself - you messed this up for her.

GlobeUs · 14/01/2021 12:52

@BedofRoses88 I am going to go against the grain a bit - I wouldn't ask for feedback, but I am interested to know if your DD was paid for her "trial" shift?

If she wasn't then I would be raising it with the manager/owner as to why he has expected free labour.

I am assuming you are in the UK and it feels a little weird a cafe would be hiring at this stage- i have a sneaky suspicion they may have been trying to cover a short-staffed shift.

DD can deal with the feedback if she wants to.

FineWhiteBread · 14/01/2021 12:55

@GlobeUs

I am going to go against the grain a bit - I wouldn't ask for feedback, but I am interested to know if your DD was paid for her "trial" shift?

It’s literally in the third sentence of the opening post.

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2021 12:59

[quote GlobeUs]@BedofRoses88 I am going to go against the grain a bit - I wouldn't ask for feedback, but I am interested to know if your DD was paid for her "trial" shift?

If she wasn't then I would be raising it with the manager/owner as to why he has expected free labour.

I am assuming you are in the UK and it feels a little weird a cafe would be hiring at this stage- i have a sneaky suspicion they may have been trying to cover a short-staffed shift.

DD can deal with the feedback if she wants to.[/quote]
Wow.

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