To let my child go to bed hungry

[Bettyblue2]

To cut a long story short, my nearly 4 year old has started testing the waters at dinner time by gradually eating less and less of her dinner and then asking for cereal/toast before bed. We’ve tried pushing dinner back so that it’s closer to bedtime to make sure she’s hungry, cutting back on afternoon snacks, giving her options of what she want for dinner... but it’s not working. Basically she just faffs about at dinner time, she won’t sit at the table properly, plays with her food until most of it is on the floor/table etc. Then she complains about being hungry at bed time. We end up wasting so much. Tonight, I’ve stood my ground and said she can’t have anything else to eat today (I warned her at dinner time when she left most of her food that there would be nothing else before bedtime). She’s having a massive tantrum, holding her stomach and saying she’s hungry and that she won’t be able to sleep. I feel horrible at the thought of her being hungry but if I give in and give her food then the cycle starts again. Any tips?

I’m reading a book called French children don’t throw food and trying to implement some of the ideas. French children don’t snack, only at a certain time of day, they don’t have to eat much of their dinner necessarily but they do have to try everything. Food is whatever the adults are eating, no special kids meals and the children are involved in making and preparing the food. 1 week in and I have to say my kids are eating much better with just one small after school snack, and getting involved in the food prep. I tell then you try one bite of mushroom/broccoli whatever if they want their dessert (fruit or yogurt normally). I don’t think it’s mean at all to not make a whole separate meal for your child that didn’t eat their dinner. I have 4DC’s, whatever I make someone doesn’t like it- making extra food and snacks is expensive and I’m on a budget, sorry kids this is dinner.

I also take leftovers to work the next day for lunch so happily eat my meals reheated!

@Covine

This is so depressing. People falling over each other to brag about how tough they are on a small child.

I agree. Done under the guise of teaching a lesson. With seemingly no idea of the lessons a child actually learns from such treatment.

I don't understand it either. This is a very small child and many do faff about a bit with food at times when they are little; they outgrow it. When she goes to school she'll be looking forward to her dinner and eating more.

It also seems quite normal to me to have a snack before bed. I often do, maybe toast and Marmite, whatever I fancy at the time.

Some people on here are really weird about leftovers. Today I had leftover beef stroganoff from last night for lunch, and it was delicious. Better for the planet not to waste food, no?

There's nothing wrong with reheating food for dc. Or adults.

Little children have little tummies. A few mouthfuls is often all little ones can manage at one time. Me, I’d give less less food at tea and plan in a simple supper such as cereal /toast etc.

Some people on here are really weird about leftovers. Today I had leftover beef stroganoff from last night for lunch

Storing and reheating what's left of a pot of stew - ie a dish that is cooked with reheating in mind - is completely different from taking a plate of half eaten, fucked about with, forked over food that a child has said they don't want to eat and telling them to eat it a couple of hours later.

I love leftovers from the meals I choose to make.
My Mum's leftovers somewhat less so! Thing is I do remember leaving food as a child and for me personally it was because I didn't like it. My Mum did then continue to offer me the rejected food, usually cold and it was horrible. I'm not going to do that to my own kids.
I wouldn't let a child go to bed hungry but neither will I make them eat something they don't want.

Nothing wrong with leftovers I agree but meal times are family time. We eat together and I always said you don't have to eat it but theres nothing else later.
If I reheated their food or gave them something later then what was the point of eating together?
Anyway my older two seem to have come out of it alright and when my son is a bit older the same rules will apply.
It's not mean. Child is given a choice to eat or not eat. Their decision.

My daughter 4 always tries to leave most of her dinner claiming she's full. However the second pudding is suggested even if it's just a yogurt she's suddenly got room. She's then told to eat her dinner as if she wasn't hungry for that she's not hungry for pudding. I won't send her to bed hungry but it won't be anything fun, it'll be like an orange or something. She's learnt to eat at least half her dinner now before claiming she's full and even then she's willing to barter how many more mouthfuls she needs to eat before I will declare her done. I won't force her to eat her entire plate but a decent amount needs to have been eaten.
Sometimes I would just let her tantrum and leave her plate available to her to eat when she decided she was hungry.

My kid must be in the minority because he eats supper every night without fail. He's 4 now and has his dinner sometime between 4pm and 5.30pm, and will always ask for supper before his bedtime at 7pm. He doesn't refuse his dinner though because he loves his food (a bit too much tbh!), but in threads like these I'm always wondering if others actually have supper or not. We always had supper when I was little and I still have something small before bed, so it was only natural to start giving my son supper too. He tends to have porridge or a yoghurt or some fruit, or a biscuit or blueberry wheats as a treat.

If he were to muck around with his dinner I would still give him his supper but not immediately after dinner so he doesn't think he's won.

I think it won't do any harm to go to bed hungry as a one off and it is probably better that than backing down at this point

But why would you want your little four year old going to bed feeling hungry? What are they really going to take from that?

I made mummy mad/sad/angry so I have to go bed hungry. I think that does more damage in the long run to be honest. Food should never be weaponised.

Also you shouldn’t be afraid of backing down on certain issues with your kids. You teach them that it’s ok to come back from decisions or actions that they may regret. Cutting your nose of to spite your face especially when some one else is effected is not a great philosophy.

If I’ve made a shit call I own it.

@YonderTweek

My kid must be in the minority because he eats supper every night without fail. He's 4 now and has his dinner sometime between 4pm and 5.30pm, and will always ask for supper before his bedtime at 7pm. He doesn't refuse his dinner though because he loves his food (a bit too much tbh!), but in threads like these I'm always wondering if others actually have supper or not. We always had supper when I was little and I still have something small before bed, so it was only natural to start giving my son supper too. He tends to have porridge or a yoghurt or some fruit, or a biscuit or blueberry wheats as a treat.

If he were to muck around with his dinner I would still give him his supper but not immediately after dinner so he doesn't think he's won.

It’s odd isn’t it.

I used to have breakfast dinner tea and supper.

All my kids have had toast and milk before bed. If I didn’t my four year old would be yelling down ‘I’m starvin!’

I can't sleep hungry. So at the v least I'm too selfish to send my kid to bed hungry knowing they're going to sleep badly all night which means I'll sleep badly all night which means we'll both be shitty tomorrow

Such unnecessary unkindness.

I think the idea of allowing a child to go to bed hungry is quite sad - I would always offer banana, toast (plain) or porridge before bedtime in the case of a child refusing to eat dinner.

Have you tried offering a choice (or at least making the child think they have a choice even if you are doing lots leading questions) over what to eat for dinner. Would you like plain pasta or pasta with sauce on, how many meatballs would you like, shall we have lasagna today or stir fry

@YonderTweek

My kid must be in the minority because he eats supper every night without fail. He's 4 now and has his dinner sometime between 4pm and 5.30pm, and will always ask for supper before his bedtime at 7pm. He doesn't refuse his dinner though because he loves his food (a bit too much tbh!), but in threads like these I'm always wondering if others actually have supper or not. We always had supper when I was little and I still have something small before bed, so it was only natural to start giving my son supper too. He tends to have porridge or a yoghurt or some fruit, or a biscuit or blueberry wheats as a treat.

If he were to muck around with his dinner I would still give him his supper but not immediately after dinner so he doesn't think he's won.

We don't do supper because we do dinner at 6 and have done since he started eating dinner at all, so that we can all eat together. I would guess that DS has a much bigger afternoon snack than a child that has an earlier dinner and then supper, though, so it's sort of just swapping it around?

Covine
This is so depressing. People falling over each other to brag about how tough they are on a small child.

I agree. Done under the guise of teaching a lesson. With seemingly no idea of the lessons a child actually learns from such treatment.“

Same here. All this stuff about giving the dinner back again an hour later and boasting about not allowing their child to have butter on their bread!

Food issues are rooted in control. Seems like a dangerous road to go down especially when the OP has said she’s had her own issues with food previously.

Food issues are rooted in control. Seems like a dangerous road to go down especially when the OP has said she’s had her own issues with food previously

Ah missed that bit. Figures

Yes I get this too as tough love is the only way! The child will soon learn. Children are sometimes too soft and pampered these days! Need a bite of reality some times for a bit of prospective and overall grounding. You will need to ensure the child is well hydrated and ensure there has been overall sufficient food consumption generally (as I am sure you do no doubt). This is just a part of being a mum. Good luck.

The banana technique seems a common theme. I recall growing up we always had the option of banana and/or plain natural (unsweetened) yogurt or Greek yogurt. No flavourings, but healthy and filling enough to line the stomach.

If she is keen to eat toast, try giving her some toast with her dinner to encourage her.

Sorry but I think giving a child reheated leftover dinner is pretty grim

Why are people against leftovers? I’ll have them for lunch the next day! Don’t see the difference from batch cooking to be honest.

@Hardbackwriter Ahh, that makes sense. Ours doesn't really snack in the afternoon so I guess the supper is his snack. It is a habit really as he could stuff his face at dinner and demand supper immediately after. Haha.

YABU feed the child. Your making a big deal out if something minor. Sometimes I'm not hungry at dinner time so have it later I'm not a terrible person because of it. It doesn't matter op.

@Potatoespuds

Sorry but I think giving a child reheated leftover dinner is pretty grim

Why are people against leftovers? I’ll have them for lunch the next day! Don’t see the difference from batch cooking to be honest.

Do you have leftovers as in comes an extra portion, put it aside at dishing out, or leftovers as in scraped off your plate that you've half eaten?