To let my child go to bed hungry

[Bettyblue2]

To cut a long story short, my nearly 4 year old has started testing the waters at dinner time by gradually eating less and less of her dinner and then asking for cereal/toast before bed. We’ve tried pushing dinner back so that it’s closer to bedtime to make sure she’s hungry, cutting back on afternoon snacks, giving her options of what she want for dinner... but it’s not working. Basically she just faffs about at dinner time, she won’t sit at the table properly, plays with her food until most of it is on the floor/table etc. Then she complains about being hungry at bed time. We end up wasting so much. Tonight, I’ve stood my ground and said she can’t have anything else to eat today (I warned her at dinner time when she left most of her food that there would be nothing else before bedtime). She’s having a massive tantrum, holding her stomach and saying she’s hungry and that she won’t be able to sleep. I feel horrible at the thought of her being hungry but if I give in and give her food then the cycle starts again. Any tips?

Refusing a child snacks before bed if you have not eaten your perfectly good tea is not cruelty.

Not eating your food and then thinking you can simply snack later when you are hungry is learning to be wasteful.

I think you did the right thing.

Oh and we swap mela around too so often do hot meal for lunch and then picnic tea like pitta, hummus, veg etc as he is much more of a picker and will generally eat a full meal if something like that

Give her only a tiny portion at dinner.
If she eats it she can ask for more or not

Offer toast or banana if she hungry later

Stop making it a battle .

And yes mine always had cereal or toast before bed

DS1 would be offered a banana.
DS2 would be offered a bowl of cereal with milk.
Both were tolerated foods, but not particularly desirable. If they accepted the meh food, and were still hungry, I'd find something more for them.

Sorry but I think giving a child reheated leftover dinner is pretty grim.

Don't be daft it's not grim, reheating food is perfectly normal.

I agree with many others OP, reheat dinner, or try having a bigger meal at lunch time and a smaller meal at dinner time. It doesn't sound like she's actually hungry, just that she's got into a habit of refusing dinner because she knows she'll be able to eat something different later on.

Food (alongside poo ) is one of the few things we have a continual relationship with throughout our lives.
I don't think it is helpful for food to become a battle ground.
Give smaller amounts in evening meal and top up with healthy things at bed time.
Divide evening meal into two.
Give main meal at lunchtime
Many options.

I would offer tea earlier (maybe she is tired). Make the evening snack something healthy but not ultra desirable and then no fuss. Doesn't want tea, OK have an apple and a piece of cheese or some bread or whatever. It may be that she is someone who prefers something light in the evening. If so, can you save her evening meal for tomorrow's lunch and try that? Work out what you can live with but I would agree the very hard line is not a good idea. Food is not something that should be battled over. If she also gets the idea that this creates drama and pushes your buttons, she is more likely to carry on.

She’s three years old.
It’s a phase and not worth a battle with her.
I couldn’t send a hungry child to bed.

No I don't think I could let a child go hungry saying that I have a severly autistic child who frequently won't eat his tea so if he wants toast or cereal later he gets it.

Our 3 year old is similar. Will leave lots of dinner then ask for something else before bed. We’ve started leaving the dinner in the table and telling him he can have what he has asked for once he’s finished his dinner. It usually works.

I did the opposite, I pulled their main meal time forward, because they got so tired. Possibly she's over-tired by the time you serve her dinner, so not able to settle to eating?

My two are good eaters and not fussy at all and I feel it’s because we never let them get away with not eating at meal times, they only got dessert if most of dinner gone. Did not want to eat then they were not rewarded with alternative food at meal time or later. But they had to stay at the table until we had finished. Where’s as my nieces are a nightmare even now at ages 10 and 7 if they decide they don’t want to eat they won’t, knowingly full well mum will give them something else later.

No, I wouldn't let my child go to bed hungry. It's a short phase usually. I imagine it is about control. I know I'd be annoyed if I was expected to eat a full meal I didn't want at a time i didn't want. As an adult I'd have a choice and would make myself something later instead. I wouldn't want to go to bed hungry.
I agree there's nothing wrong with offering the food again later. Have you let her choose what she wants for dinner? If you let her some sort of control occasionally, it might help.
If my kids don't eat dinner, I will do them something small that they like and I'll have the leftovers for lunch the next day so it isn't wasted.

Pick your battles, food is not one of them

@Feminem

A great opportunity to introduce information about money & finances OP. I agree with the leftovers plan (if safe) but she needs to understand how much things cost. Maybe get some cash to show her or show her what she can buy online (toys/clothes) with the price of her uneaten meals each week. Or get her to help you do the online food shop & draw up a weekly menu? Maybe get her involved in the cooking prep too.

Yeah just suck everything fun and carefree out of her life - she's 4 years old. Four. And you want to start teaching her budgeting

She's playing you. She doesn't care about dinner or beign hungry this is about manipulating you into giving her snack food - some bread has a tonne of sugar in - same as a Mars bar I think it was - so watch out for that especially if it's white and cereals are also generally full of sugar.
I would give her a smaller amount of dinner as having too much in front of her might put her off from feeling like she can eat it. If you do give her anything I'd go for wholemeal bread or a banana. I don't think there's anything wrong in not letting her munch on stuff when she didn't eat all her dinner, people can easily go without one meal and if you back down now she's going to know she only has to throw a tantrum and she'll get what she wants.

You don't get an eating disorder because your mum didn't feed you snacks before bed.

Have read a few of the replies we are in the banana or nothing camp after supper!

I would be more annoyed by poor table manners and putting food on the floor at 4 (providing no special needs) than her testing the boundaries on what and when she can eat which is very common.

Meals are at the table in this house no toys and i sit with them even if not eating certainly my 4 yo would have weekend rewards (not food based) withheld for throwing a perfectly good dinner on the floor!

And if she wants to play with food have you thought about letting her make her own from scratch? Salads, pizza etc

Keep dinner she doesnt eat, that's what she can have at bedtime.

Is keep her dinner aside and offer to heat it up for her. But that offer would expire half an hour before lights out.

We are also in the banana or nothing camp after dinner is done

Could have written that myself lol. I do feed her though, but nothing else is on whilst she eats it, no pad, no tv and no playing.
Something simple like weetabix or toast (whatever she wants) and I don’t really interact with her whilst eating. Once she’s finished, it’s bathroom, book and bed. I also ask if she’s hungry about 10 mins before bed to try and break the cycle.

My four year old had a rice cake and cheese just this evening for this very reason. Nothing exciting but you don’t have to be hungry (and dinner want very nice, to be fair )

Our rule is milk and plain crackers if hungry before bed. As long as it isn’t something nicer than dinner they won’t leave their main meal and eat that instead. Also I’m not really sure children that young mess around and refuse food in a way to test boundaries like we think they do. Sometimes they just can’t make sense of the feelings going on with their own bodies, if they’re tired or hungry or thirsty or restless. Agree with others to try dinner earlier.