Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my child go to bed hungry

219 replies

Bettyblue2 · 13/01/2021 18:45

To cut a long story short, my nearly 4 year old has started testing the waters at dinner time by gradually eating less and less of her dinner and then asking for cereal/toast before bed. We’ve tried pushing dinner back so that it’s closer to bedtime to make sure she’s hungry, cutting back on afternoon snacks, giving her options of what she want for dinner... but it’s not working. Basically she just faffs about at dinner time, she won’t sit at the table properly, plays with her food until most of it is on the floor/table etc. Then she complains about being hungry at bed time. We end up wasting so much. Tonight, I’ve stood my ground and said she can’t have anything else to eat today (I warned her at dinner time when she left most of her food that there would be nothing else before bedtime). She’s having a massive tantrum, holding her stomach and saying she’s hungry and that she won’t be able to sleep. I feel horrible at the thought of her being hungry but if I give in and give her food then the cycle starts again. Any tips?

OP posts:
Streamside · 13/01/2021 20:12

There's quite a common thread here of keeping the offerings fairly bland and always the same ie:banana or toast.
Food is such an emotive and difficult issue if allowed to develop into a battle. I'd try and keep it light hearted, could she help cook dinner or could meal times be made more fun.

caringcarer · 13/01/2021 20:13

Offer her leftover dinner. She can have toast for breakfast. If you give in now she will just do it more. She has to learn she eats good offered to her not throws it on floor at 4.

Beamur · 13/01/2021 20:14

Haven't rtft.
I wouldn't force her to eat the leftovers. I would also say no drama, no persuading at dinner. Serve up. Let her eat it or not, take it away.
Hungry later? Offer a simple plain snack. No debate, no fuss, no argument. Eat it or don't.
My simple snack was a bit brutal - water and an oatcake. DD usually wanted company rather than food though!

starfishmummy · 13/01/2021 20:15

If she is so keen to have toast Id give it to her for her tea! As long as she has a nutritious lunch she could have toast - on its own or with something like scrambled or poached egg for her dinner.

Hardbackwriter · 13/01/2021 20:17

Reading these comments DS must have unusual tastes because he'd be delighted if the alternative to dinner was toast or yoghurt, and a banana is an acceptable bribe not a booty prize - I thought most small children loved them! The advice always seems to be to offer something 'boring' but that seems to mean bland carbs, and that is not the food group I have trouble getting him to eat and again I thought that was quite normal?

SarahAndQuack · 13/01/2021 20:17

@Feminem

A great opportunity to introduce information about money & finances OP. I agree with the leftovers plan (if safe) but she needs to understand how much things cost. Maybe get some cash to show her or show her what she can buy online (toys/clothes) with the price of her uneaten meals each week. Or get her to help you do the online food shop & draw up a weekly menu? Maybe get her involved in the cooking prep too.
I don't find my three year old can understand that yet. We do get her involved in shopping, but with the pandemic that's harder - it's not like you can take them round the supermarket. And I've yet to meet a child this age who understands money.
SarahAndQuack · 13/01/2021 20:17

@Hardbackwriter

Reading these comments DS must have unusual tastes because he'd be delighted if the alternative to dinner was toast or yoghurt, and a banana is an acceptable bribe not a booty prize - I thought most small children loved them! The advice always seems to be to offer something 'boring' but that seems to mean bland carbs, and that is not the food group I have trouble getting him to eat and again I thought that was quite normal?
Well, just swap out banana for something your DS doesn't like?
OxoMonarch · 13/01/2021 20:18

We insist on a good amount of vegetables eaten or no dessert at dinner, but don’t force them to eat anything.
Supper is weetabix with milk (no sugar) or brown bread toast and sugar free peanut butter. Nothing else allowed. Dull but filling.
Sending them to bed hungry you shoot yourself in the foot - ours are up overnight or super early.

Teapot13 · 13/01/2021 20:19

Read a book by Ellyn Satter or google her method, I'm sure you can get the idea from online she is the most sensible about kids and food. Don't make it a battle. It's pointless and you won't win.

Hardbackwriter · 13/01/2021 20:21

But what's the point of offering him something I know he dislikes? I get the logic of offering something boring, but what if boring is the food they ask for? Anyway, I was more just amazed that so many people thought toast and banana were ideal alternative foods as I know so many toddlers who would happily live off them.

Thewithesarehere · 13/01/2021 20:22

Haven’t read the whole thread so may be someone mentioned this already. With my DCs, I kept the food they were playing with (admittedly, they didn’t throw it on the floor or table) and covered it with something. They were told clearly that if they got hungry later, they will have to pick their food and finish it. That resolved the situation nicely.

Royalbloo · 13/01/2021 20:23

In our house we discuss what she wants and that's what she gets - sausages, pasta etc. It's fine UNLESS she doesn't listen and then expects something different to what we agreed.

So, we have two rules in our house - it was one (no shouting), bit now it is 1. LISTEN and 2. NO SHOUTING

Nothing else is offered in place of an 'agreed' meal - even if she isn't listening.

snowliving · 13/01/2021 20:30

We did the leftover thing.
The dc as tweens now ask to take leftovers to school for lunch instead of sandwiches.
Eating leftovers is perfectly normal and they can reheated to be pleasant.

StormyInTheNorth · 13/01/2021 20:35

Maybe she can't face a big plate of food.
I've never been able to from earliest memory. My mother used to alternate from letting me sit under table/on windowsill to eat to walloping me for not eating what was prepared. I had failure to thrive from feeding issues at birth.
What I did and still like are picky bits like cucumber, salad, rolled up thin ham, garlic bread, mini bits of apple and cheese. In my case, I'd not eat cereal or toast so you have that. How about main meal at lunch time and a famous five type tea?

Bubbinsmakesthree · 13/01/2021 20:37

Another one here who has children who would be thrilled with a banana or piece of dry bread!

We’ve had this problem with my fussy DS at the age of 5 - he was getting very skinny because he so often left most of his meals and when he started asking for supper at bedtime we started giving him something because I was concerned he wasn’t eating enough.

We did just manage to phase it out without making a big thing of it or reheating dinner or anything. Ultimately it was just habit more than hunger.

Mealtimes are still maddening, haven’t cracked that!

Offskki · 13/01/2021 20:37

Fruit, toast and cereal are all sugary. I'm 40 and I'd love to have these for my tea every night. So, I'm in the "left overs" camp, but make it as appetising as possible.

DenisetheMenace · 13/01/2021 20:39

Diverseduvet

Drink of milk?”

Not sure about 4, but we were told at 3 to cut back on the milk, it was stopping our daughter from eating enough.
Long time ago, advice may be different now of course.

Lockdowndramaqueen · 13/01/2021 20:42

Agree with PPs that I keep re-offerrring same food next time they say they are hungry when mine have gone through this. I am very clear that this is what will happen. Obviously if they eat lots at supper and still hungry them fine to have a snack before bed - cereal, banana, nuts, milk etc.

Mylittlepony374 · 13/01/2021 20:43

YABU. She's tiny. You're making food a battleground.

Seasaltyhair · 13/01/2021 20:44

She is only four. Give her a bloody piece of toast.

My eldest is 25 and youngest is four. They’ve all done it from time to time.

Also maybe she doesn’t like your cooking ..

Barton10 · 13/01/2021 20:45

Stay firm she will soon learn. The more you give in the more she will push. Going to bed hungry for a couple of days won’t do her any harm and will make her realise she needs to eat her dinner as there will be no alternative later.

Viviennemary · 13/01/2021 20:46

I agree with keeping some of the dinner back for her to eat later. Fair enough not to eat but don't allow playing with food. Take the plate away and say I see you re not hungry. Or as others have said a banana.

LizFlowers · 13/01/2021 20:46

Feminem

A great opportunity to introduce information about money & finances OP. I agree with the leftovers plan (if safe) but she needs to understand how much things cost. Maybe get some cash to show her or show her what she can buy online (toys/clothes) with the price of her uneaten meals each week. Or get her to help you do the online food shop & draw up a weekly menu? Maybe get her involved in the cooking prep too.
.......
You don't talk to three year olds about money, for goodness sakes. There's time enough for them to learn about the cost of living when they are older.

Just give the child a smaller dinner and let them have a snack at bedtime. It's just a phase.

RavingAnnie · 13/01/2021 20:48

It doesn't need to be a battleground.

Just tell her clearly once that this is dinner and she can eat it or not, but there won't be anything else. No further discussion or argument.

If she doesn't eat it, save it, and then she gets that reheated later if she then says she's hungry.

Ignore all screaming and crying. Stick to your guns and it'll be sorted within a week. I you back down at any point you will just prolong it or be back to square one so don't do that. Remain calm.

Beautiful3 · 13/01/2021 20:53

My youngest does this too! I started leaving her dinner on the table with a cover. When she complains of being hungry, I point to the dinner. Now she will finish it off.