To let my child go to bed hungry

[Bettyblue2]

To cut a long story short, my nearly 4 year old has started testing the waters at dinner time by gradually eating less and less of her dinner and then asking for cereal/toast before bed. We’ve tried pushing dinner back so that it’s closer to bedtime to make sure she’s hungry, cutting back on afternoon snacks, giving her options of what she want for dinner... but it’s not working. Basically she just faffs about at dinner time, she won’t sit at the table properly, plays with her food until most of it is on the floor/table etc. Then she complains about being hungry at bed time. We end up wasting so much. Tonight, I’ve stood my ground and said she can’t have anything else to eat today (I warned her at dinner time when she left most of her food that there would be nothing else before bedtime). She’s having a massive tantrum, holding her stomach and saying she’s hungry and that she won’t be able to sleep. I feel horrible at the thought of her being hungry but if I give in and give her food then the cycle starts again. Any tips?

I always did the same as inquietnan. They're too little to make a connection between refusing dinner and getting reheated leftovers: all that they understand is that when they tell you they're hungry you give them nasty tasting food.

As for sending a child to bed without food when she's hungry, well yes ofc that is unreasonable. You wouldn't accept such treatment for yourself, would you?

I wouldn't send a young child to bed hungry, no.

Put dinner plate to the side and offer it as the only alternative before bed.

I'd try cutting the afternoon snack before getting drastic about dinner. children in this country often snack so much, then their parents wonder why they fuss at meals... But have you ever tried to eat when you're just not hungry, it's not nice.

She's 4 - aren't they always fussy? It's perfectly normal for a 4 year old. Honestly take it from someone who has 3 kids. Don't sweat the small stuff. Give her a big glass of milk and cookie - don't let her go to bed hungry. When mine go to bed and tell me they are 'starving', i give them a frube yoghurt in bed. She's your precious baby, be careful of teaching any negative connotations around food.

My 7 year old occasionally does similar, we go, I’ll get you a piece of bread then (I do usually become a bit soft and butter it) but it tends to do the trick and he doesn’t ask too often because it does fill a pang rather than be a treat.

Stick to your ground. A few days of difficulty may be rewarded in the future.

@Dee1975

We have this problem from time to time. One trick (although it might seem mean), when they don’t finish their dinner, put it to one side. When they are hungry an hour later, give them their left dinner. Which they prob won’t eat, and yes will go to bed hungry, but soon learn. If that doesn’t work. Don’t give ANY afternoon snack.

God, you sound a barrel of fun...

I would keep her dinner and offer it to her later if she’s hungry. Just very matter of fact about it. If she’s messing at dinner time just calmly say ‘oh I’ll put this in the fridge for later if you are hungry later’. It’s not a punishment (as long as it’s something she does like), just saving the meal for when she is hungry

We don't fight over food. Of she doesn't want her tea but is hungry later, I'd let her have plain toast and spread / plain cereal and milk / fruit and milk.

Yes she'll eat cold congealed food or dry reheated good of she's hungry. So would I. Of DH cooked and o left it cos I didn't want it and he represented it the next meal he was die to make, he'd get his answer

Another one to say just produce dinner again later, if she was actually hungry she’ll eat it. But at 4 it’s mostly a phase to be ridden out, try not to get worked up.

I’d only be doing this because it’s clearly a pattern for her. If it was an occasional thing I would let her have something like toast and fruit or whatever

Agree with pps, offer her dinner again reheated. My 2yo does this a few times a week and I give her plain porridge or toast at bedtime, but I think at 4 and if shes doing it all the time then I would definitely just offer her dinner again so she gets the message that thats all thats on offer and starts eating it. I know its annoying but it is quite normal

I agree with PP’s, left over dinner gets offered. That way she isn’t getting her own way with toast, cereal... & you don’t have the guilt of sending her to bed hungry! If she refuses the dinner, she can’t be that hungry...

I have a fussy 3yo DD so feel your pain, although she doesn’t ask for anything else just won’t eat her dinner joy!

She’s 3. I wouldn’t do that to a 3 yr old.
I would give mine a weetabix and milk before bed if they hadn’t eaten their dinner. It’s not tasty enough to skip dinner for but kept them full so they weren’t waking in the night from hunger.

One of mine would happily live on toast and butter for the rest of his life (obviously he'd get ill...) and does sit politely through untouched meals he doesn't like, chatting nicely without fuss but without eating - he's nearly ten amd has been the same since weaning (in fact he wasn't interested in solids and would, i suspect, have prefered to live on breastmilk for far longer, but he was still feeding every 90 minutes at 9 months old and I deliberately night weaned - which actually made his night waking worse but he started eating a bit...)

Just give them bread isn't always the right advice - it depends whether the child would genuinely live on bread, with the inevitable constipation resulting (and eventually malnutrition).

I agree with the poster saying choose something she'll eat but doesn't especially like as the alternative. For us its porridge (made with milk). Not buttered toast because that would be chosen over almost anything else.

Don't get into a debate, give her a choice, dont make it about winning but about choices between dinner and an alternative she can take or leave.

Cut out the snacks. Three meals a day. If she's peckish in between give her some fruit.

I know someone who said their one tried this on once and she sent her up to bed with 1 dry cracker when she came downstairs saying she was hungry. Apparently never happened again! I guess it's whether you feel comfortable doing it or not. If she's eating enough during the day it won't do much harm I can imagine.

Leftovers, or dry bread. No butter.

@Charles11

She’s 3. I wouldn’t do that to a 3 yr old. I would give mine a weetabix and milk before bed if they hadn’t eaten their dinner. It’s not tasty enough to skip dinner for but kept them full so they weren’t waking in the night from hunger.

Really, I love a weetabix. Terrible for carb loading though, not really as healthy as you might think

They're too little to make a connection between refusing dinner and getting reheated leftovers

She’s four. That’s plenty old enough to understand. At 2, maybe, but by this age thhey can definitely grasp simple connections and consequences like this.

I remember this stage with my two. they used to just want to skip dinner and banana before bed. Solved it by offering reheated dinner and they started eating properly again. It was all about control for them. Most time dinners were things they had eaten lots of times before 🤷‍♀️

God, you sound a barrel of fun...

No, she sounds like a parent. Who is actually prepared not to the ‘fun person’ in order to bring her daughter up well.

Thanks for your replies. Leftover dinner it is, I think! I’m very wary of making food a battleground because I’ve had plenty of issues with food myself. I think she’s just testing boundaries at the moment, as all kids her age do, and this is the latest challenge! It’s not really about the food itself. But thank you all for the advice.

When I was growing up in the 90s we had whatever was left in the cupboards (often nothing as no money) and that was that.we don't have to be so extreme now but I do know it forced me to try foods I wouldn't have otherwise tried, we now at least make them try at least a tiny bit, if they don't want it fine but it's just fruit or veg otherwise before bedtime.