Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my child go to bed hungry

219 replies

Bettyblue2 · 13/01/2021 18:45

To cut a long story short, my nearly 4 year old has started testing the waters at dinner time by gradually eating less and less of her dinner and then asking for cereal/toast before bed. We’ve tried pushing dinner back so that it’s closer to bedtime to make sure she’s hungry, cutting back on afternoon snacks, giving her options of what she want for dinner... but it’s not working. Basically she just faffs about at dinner time, she won’t sit at the table properly, plays with her food until most of it is on the floor/table etc. Then she complains about being hungry at bed time. We end up wasting so much. Tonight, I’ve stood my ground and said she can’t have anything else to eat today (I warned her at dinner time when she left most of her food that there would be nothing else before bedtime). She’s having a massive tantrum, holding her stomach and saying she’s hungry and that she won’t be able to sleep. I feel horrible at the thought of her being hungry but if I give in and give her food then the cycle starts again. Any tips?

OP posts:
glassacorn · 13/01/2021 20:54

Don't understand the comments about leftovers being grim - we often batch cook - which is essentially leftovers, no difference! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Feeding Littles has a huge amount of resources on this and other feeding topics (including stock phrases for different ages) and they are fab!

Rosebel · 13/01/2021 20:54

My children had nothing later if they didn't eat their tea At meal time we would allow about 30 to 40 minutes for them to eat. If they chose not to then we took it away but reminded them no food later. Only had to do it twice with my eldest and once with my second.
They are teenagers now and eat really well. No long lasting issues with food.

AttackOfTheFloppyKnob · 13/01/2021 20:57

Tbh the only food options in our house were either take it or leave it. We involved DC in meal planning from a limited list of options for the week with me deciding the bulk of them. So it gave them a bit of control and choice. Unless it was something either DC genuinely didn't like I'd expect everyone to eat the same. They were both good eaters with a healthy and varied range of food.

As this has become habit the only food id offer is the food she's left. Going forward id involve DC in meal planning and maybe try using serving bowls so they can help themselves.

Justwatchthewildflowersgrow · 13/01/2021 20:58

My 3 year old 4 in Feb has started the same. My rules is take it or leave it! There is nothing else. If she gets down from the table or starts playing around then the food is gone. She's now starting to realise that the food is there for only a limited time and eats her fill before it goes. It only took 2 or 3 hungry evenings. I maybe a little harsh but it works for us. If I give her an inch she'll take a mile so I have to be. X

Hankunamatata · 13/01/2021 21:00

Love the way everyone assumes reheated dinners is dry and congealed lol. We often cook meals to last two days then reheat the next day.

It's not a battle ground in our house. They mess about, their dinner gets put in microwave. They know they can have it later. And our meals reheat just fine and much more nutritious than toast, biscuits or sugary yogurts.

Beamur · 13/01/2021 21:19

I'm not assuming that reheated meals are always unappealing, but if you're trying to set a routine of say eating as a family, then the meal is served once.

geoffreyjellineck · 13/01/2021 21:22

@HelloThereMeHearties

Leftovers, or dry bread. No butter.

:( this is depressing.

Dddccc · 13/01/2021 21:24

Easy give her her dinner from earlier if she is that hungry she will eat it

HighSpecWhistle · 13/01/2021 21:25

@Dee1975

We have this problem from time to time. One trick (although it might seem mean), when they don’t finish their dinner, put it to one side. When they are hungry an hour later, give them their left dinner. Which they prob won’t eat, and yes will go to bed hungry, but soon learn. If that doesn’t work. Don’t give ANY afternoon snack.
This.

No bananas, toast, cereal... These are clearly seen as treats by some.

If she's hungry there's dinner she can eat, otherwise, off to bed.

BlueGreenDreams · 13/01/2021 21:27

All the posters treating their own kids to cold congealed or warmed up dried waste.

You wouldn't eat yourself what you would normally scrape into the bin but you'll force your kids to.

Bunch of spiteful control freaks and you wonder why your kids are trying to be controlling around food. The (uneaten) apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Porcupineintherough · 13/01/2021 21:30

warmed up dry waste

LMAO 🤣🤣

Perhaps you are in the privileged position of being able to throw food away but down here in the real world leftovers are a thing. There are even ways of reheating them without drying them out.

HappyFlamingo · 13/01/2021 21:37

My rule is not to battle about it. My DC could have toast even if they hadn't had much dinner when they were going through a fussy phase.

They're now teens and are all great eaters.

Cantreasonwithunreasonable · 13/01/2021 21:38

Put out dinner, and put out yoghurt, saying, "here's your dinner & your bedtime snack. Eat them in any order."
Then whatever's left at end of mealtime put in microwave to keep safe, and produce it if they ask for supper / snack.
I did this lots. And they still slept, just ate more breakfast!
They'll learn quickly. This is a test, OP!

Jinglealltheway22 · 13/01/2021 21:50

My almost 4 year old is the same. She prefers snacks to meals.

Firstly I made portion sizes smaller. She has two older siblings who eat near enough double.

If she doesn't want to eat it, she can leave the table, but that's the only option.

If she eats it all and is still hungry then it's weetabix or fruit. Same for my older two.

Picnic tea is the winner in my house. Small sandwich, lots of fruit and veg. It seems to look like snack so she'll eat it.

Wibblewobble99 · 13/01/2021 21:52

Can you get her involved in making the meal? We’ve bought some child friendly knives (sounds ridiculous!) but my DC will chop a carrot/celery etc or can you let her choose what’s for dinner rather than it being X or Y. My DD will always choose spag Bol or Mac cheese so we talk about what to eat with it as well, so broccoli or sweetcorn for example. On nights we don’t have those options she gets to pick what night we do have her faves. Like you I used to offer other food, usually yogurts in the bath, but it became a habit she was relying on more so we have refused. We had a grumpy bedtime but she didn’t wake up complaining of hunger

Nanny2many · 13/01/2021 21:54

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

Would she eat more if her dinner if she knew by doing so she could have a snack later before bed?
Interesting question! I like your thinking
Nanny2many · 13/01/2021 21:58

All very very good practical tips from pp but I think equally important is the emotional/behavioural issue. Have you tried to not react whenever she faffs about? Little to no attention/reward for creating drama might discourage from the performance. It’s so hard to unravel these habits and I’m in the process of doing just that with my current charges. They were up and down from the table, spitting out food that had any texture, knocking over drinks, crying to be fed etc etc then hungry two hours later and wolfing down a mini picnic 1 hour before tea. It’s all a knock on affect!

Nanny2many · 13/01/2021 22:01

Ps my previous charges have gone to bed having refused dinner and actually often sleep better..... maybe their bodies were too tired to put up a fight! They would wake a bit earlier and want a big breakfast tho

Sweettea1 · 13/01/2021 22:02

Sounds like my dd5 every night and the same tonight but I kept her dinner wrapped an 10 mins b4 bed told her if she's hungry I will heat it up now if not then its nothing anyway she yes please. I was surprised as she ate everything on her plate then went to bed with no fuss. The thought of her going to bed hungry I can't deal with so always give in an make something quick but just had enough now so tried this tonight.

CoolCatTaco · 13/01/2021 22:11

This is so depressing. People falling over each other to brag about how tough they are on a small child.

Theunamedcat · 13/01/2021 22:20

Mine get toast or nothing if they are not hungry for toast it's nothing im not running a cafe food is served that they like if they refuse it then they can have toast genuinely hungry children will eat the toast if they don't eat it they are just messing around and need to go to sleep

And I always serve food they like for tea lunch time is for new foods

Covine · 13/01/2021 22:57

This is so depressing. People falling over each other to brag about how tough they are on a small child.

I agree. Done under the guise of teaching a lesson. With seemingly no idea of the lessons a child actually learns from such treatment.

Porcupineintherough · 13/01/2021 23:06

What is tough about offering a small child the food you made a couple of hours before? Confused Or a piece of toast? How do some of you make it from one day to the next?

BooFuckingHoo2 · 13/01/2021 23:07

All the posters treating their own kids to cold congealed or warmed up dried waste.

You wouldn't eat yourself what you would normally scrape into the bin but you'll force your kids to.

Bunch of spiteful control freaks and you wonder why your kids are trying to be controlling around food. The (uneaten) apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

What 😂 I regularly reheat and eat yesterday’s leftovers never mind today’s!

FWIW as a kid I would have refused dinner every night and lived off toast if allowed!

Ameliablue · 13/01/2021 23:10

I think it won't do any harm to go to bed hungry as a one off and it is probably better that than backing down at this point. I wouldn't continue to push it though if she continues to pick at dinner time though as I think in the long term it makes matters worse if you put too much pressure on top eat. I also don't think some cereal at bed time is that bad either.