Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told my in-laws that they’ll have what they’re given and like it?

207 replies

GoJetterGirl · 08/01/2021 15:43

Right,

So, talking with in-laws On FaceTime who are in the age category for the first round of Covid vaccinations... and convo went like this...

DH- have you heard about vaccinations yet?
FIL- Not yet, but when they call I’ll tell them it must be the Oxford one as I don’t want a foreign vaccine!
DH- I don’t think you get a choice...
MIL- They will for your father dear, he can be quite insistent...
DH- Confused
ME- ummm, no, you’ll be offered a vaccine, you among millions are waiting for these vaccines and you think you have the right to be picky?! You’ll take what they offer you and like it! Angry
MIL- promptly bursts into tears “why is she being mean to meeeeeeee”

DH thinks I’m being unreasonable as I’ve had enough of his rule flouting, idiotic, entitled. argumentative parents and I’ve finally snapped and put them in their place...

(Those of you who followed my sons journey will
Understand my snappy attitude towards them)

Ps- the daily mail and any journos can piss off too....

OP posts:
LionelHardcastle · 08/01/2021 17:10

www.facebook.com/TheExplodingHeads/videos/439028390431221/ The Exploding Heads have made a video about this kind of thinking.
www.facebook.com/watch/?v=439028390431221
"I'm an AstraZeneca fan but that is class by Pfizer."
Nigel from Portsmouth has supported AstraZeneca since 1978 but even he can't begrudge Pfizer winning the vaccine race.

Blue565 · 08/01/2021 17:11

I've heard other people talk like this, I'd say it's perplexing but to be honest it's a natural extension of the Brexit voting, nationalist pit this country has fallen into.

Saying that, the Pfizer vaccine is state of the art, 21st century RNA based vaccine which can be modified proper sharpish (and will likely be used for all future vaccine bases - as was originally thought of during the Ebola situation).

The Oxford one is 20th century tech, based on admittedly tried and tested methods similar to other vaccines already in circulation (like Flu) but isn't quite as effective. Of course the fact it can be stored at room temperature/in a fridge is another bonus.

Arobase · 08/01/2021 17:11

Can your DH not be persuaded to wind down the FaceTime calls? I assume his parents manage without when he's at work?

EarringsandLipstick · 08/01/2021 17:12

@Fandaddydoozie

Posters, please be kind. There is a huge and very sad backstory to this. If you check OPs history, you will understand why. It's not the usual 'my MIL' is annoying type of post. Just please be kind to the OP after what she had been through.
Absolutely this.

@GoJetterGirl it's so hard to imagine it's nearly a year since we were lighting a candle for your darling GoJetterBoy.

I remember your posts vividly. You wrote amazingly, and described your DS beautifully. X

TrashCanBird · 08/01/2021 17:13

@CommanderBurnham

While I can understand that they're vile people, there wasn't any need for you to be rude. Rise above it. You know there going to make it all about them so why given them the ammo and attention. They're far better ignored.

That way you save your sanity, and your dignity. If you disengage, so will you let partner to a certain degree. When he's left alone to deal with them all the time, he'll realise them for what they are. Until then you will be the scapegoat. You walked right into that one I'm afraid.

Do you know the backstory of these in-laws?
MardyBicardi · 08/01/2021 17:13

I remember your threads. Flowers
Yanbu. Your in laws have been such hard work. I don't blame you for the way you spoke to them at all.

BrowncoatWaffles · 08/01/2021 17:13

Nothing to add GJG except I can't believe it's a year next month.

You are not unreasonable in the slightest, on this or many other things.

EngineeringFix · 08/01/2021 17:14

You can't help stupid.

Just smile and tell him there are loads of other people eager to have "his" shot. How very altruistic of him.

ancientgran · 08/01/2021 17:15

Unless you enjoy arguing what was the point? They will either get offered the Oxford vaccine and happily tell you they got what they wanted or they will get offered the other one and find out that is what is on offer to them.

I suspect if people turn down the first one eventually the Oxford one will be available in their area but who knows how long that will be.

I'm sure there are things worth fighting about but I'm not sure this is one of them.

VinylDetective · 08/01/2021 17:16

@FlibbertyGiblets

Why not just smile and nod, no need to always be known to be right. You know you're right, isn't that enough?
This. Sometimes it’s easiest not to say what you’re thinking.
KatherineSiena · 08/01/2021 17:20

Very sorry to hear they are being so difficult and insensitive. But I’m struggling to understand why your DH still persists in having such frequent contact. He really needs to cut this right down and your toddler doesn’t need so much FaceTime. Once again, my sympathy that you are still having to deal with them in your grief. 💐

NotSorry · 08/01/2021 17:20

So sorry for you loss @GoJetterGirl

I hope you get through the anniversary somehow

They sound vile - disengage for your own peace of mind

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 08/01/2021 17:25

It's nice to see you (((Hug)))

However, I'm completely unsurprised it's your PIL, AGAIN.

I'm ever hopeful your DH will just tell them 'enough is enough - you've had fair warning, now I'm TELLING YOU - STAY AWAY'

People who weren't on your other threads teally won't understand just how awful they are and I expect you'll get a lot more shitty posts because the thing that's made you snap today is something that could normally be ignored!

You need to talk to DH again and really make it clear you want NOTHING to do with them & if he continues to humour them he needs to do it out of your hearing.

Personally they'd have no access to little DS and certainly not twice a fucking day.

Vaccine or no vaccine they would never be welcome in my home again.

Big hugs for you & angel hugs for GJB XX

WiseOwlRelaxing · 08/01/2021 17:26

Who could have believed 3 months ago that people would be getting pissy about which vaccine they'd be prepared to take.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 08/01/2021 17:28

@ancientgran

Unless you enjoy arguing what was the point? They will either get offered the Oxford vaccine and happily tell you they got what they wanted or they will get offered the other one and find out that is what is on offer to them.

I suspect if people turn down the first one eventually the Oxford one will be available in their area but who knows how long that will be.

I'm sure there are things worth fighting about but I'm not sure this is one of them.

The straw that breaks the camels back is often something that seems 'not worth the argument'
EngineeringFix · 08/01/2021 17:32

Op I don't know your backstory and still don't think you were massively out of line originally.
My thoughts are you disengage for yourself not them.
The tears and "why are you being mean" from an adult are a complete no no in my book anyway. I've disengaged from one person like this and just go through motions. But under stress it's not always possible.

Even having a vaccine doesn't mean they can't pass on covid however. There isn't enough evidence yet.

hashbrownsandwich · 08/01/2021 17:34

I take calls for a medical centre and I can tell you your in-laws are one of many phoning to say the same thing.
The only reason to decline pszier is due to allergic reactions.

BQueen · 08/01/2021 17:36

They can have a foreign vaccine or a Chinese virus (only joking but they do sound like the type to call it the China virus)

If you see them again maybe helpfully remove any foreign food from their fridge. And then the the fridge, as that’s probably foreign too.

EngineeringFix · 08/01/2021 17:38

My family and friends are all desperate for the call! We are slightly worried they might be sending postal invites as the post is very patchy right now.

SnottyLottie · 08/01/2021 17:38

I work in a hospital and have to ask anyone over 80 who comes in whether they’ve had the vaccine yet and if not would they like to get it after their appointment has finished.

The amount of them who have refused it because it was the Pfizer instead of the Oxford has been staggering. And when pressed, they have said they would prefer to wait for the British vaccine even if it means having to wait longer (one even referred to Pfizer as “dirty foreign”). I have to bite my tongue and respect their wishes but in my head all I’m thinking is “it’s your funeral, I hope you don’t catch it and die whilst your waiting for your British vaccine” 😔

DishingOutDone · 08/01/2021 17:39

I was also on your previous threads. This new one isn't really about anyone's sense of entitlement to a vaccine. They treated you appallingly when your son was dying and they dont deserve an ounce of consideration or respect. So why are you still giving it to them?

I'm shocked you are still in touch like this and would question why you think you should expose your little DS to them now. Its a bit of a mess OP. Has this come up in bereavement counselling - particularly for your DH?

I'm so sorry but they are never going to change and will just hurt you all as much as you let them.

NancyPickford · 08/01/2021 17:39

Please, posters - do read the whole thread and be kind to the OP. The backstory is tragic and these are not just slightly annoying in-laws for her to smile and nod and ignore.

XelaM · 08/01/2021 17:40

@GoJetterGirl Honestly, having read a few of your previous threads, you are a true pillar of strength and nothing you do is unreasonable after what you have been through

WeatherwaxOn · 08/01/2021 17:41

Smile and nod may keep the peace but it doesn't show the person talking garbage that they are talking garbage. Sometimes people need to be told!

WiseOwlRelaxing · 08/01/2021 17:41

I heard the pfizer one gives better protection against strains that developed since vaccine developed. But, I think that could be the irish govt upselling it to the population because it's the one we're getting. God knows. Dont think we'll ahve a choice!