Another fucking expensive jacket

[bendybeep]

Is this a non issue? DP has bought himself a new jacket.

For background I work in a clinical role in the NHS, he works for a private company. He earns more than me but has a genrally lower stress job and owns our house. I have decent personal savings as does he, so money is no issue.

He told me this evening he bought an expensive jacket ( hundreds of pounds but tbh I didn't want to know exact cost). This is a particular sore point as he has around 40 jackets. He wears about 3 of them, yet keeps buying more. It's like a compulsion and I think it's a huge waste of money and not great for the environment (although he never throws any away). I'm just not materialistic at all really, yet he clearly is.

Turns out he got a £5k bonus(!!!) And decided to spend a decent chunk of this on something frivolous. He was practically giddy telling me about the purchase, but I am less them impressed. AIBU to be pissed off at how he spends his money?! It just seems so selfish/short sighted/tacky(can't think of right word) to be doing this in the midst of a pandemic when people are losing jobs, unable to work, losing loved ones etc etc.

Maybe I am just jealous as obviously have never had a bonus in my life working for NHS, underpaid, overworked etc. But im not too bothered about having the money- i am a saver! And people losing their jobs and businesses atm just makes me feel so

I think he's in his own sort of world with money and doesn't understand how things are for the vast majority of people having never had to worry about money and enough disposable income to whatever he likes with. I am probably just being overly sensitive.

Please tell me IABU and he can spend his money however he likes...

Do you have children together?

Why are you living in a house that only he owns?

Makes a difference to whether you should have a say in big spends or whether all money is family money imo.

Yabu to think he can’t spend his money because there’s a pandemic though, as long as his job is secure etc

I think YABU - it is his money and he can spend it as he pleases provided that he’s meeting his other obligations and not expecting you to pick up the slack.

Pity he didn’t think to treat you though

No children

I'm not saying I should have a say in what happens with the money- I just wish he could realise for himself he doesn't need another bloody jacket!!!!!

It's a bonus and you said I have decent personal savings as does he, so money is no issue.

So, you're unreasonable based on the info in the OP.

When my DH gets a bonus, he gives us both an equal chunk to spend on whatever we like, puts some in the kids bank account, and puts the rest in the in joint savings account for a holiday or the house or whatever we need most. And we discuss it first to agree in which proportions to do all that.

If you're generally happy with the way you spilt your finances, it really is none of your concern what he spends his money on. I think it's a complete waste of money too - 40 jackets is ludicrous - but it is his money 🤷‍♀️.

I don't mean he can't spend because of the pandemic. I think I'm just extra sensitive about people's situations with my job which taints my view. Knowing what patients and their families are going through and adding in job losses etc with the pandemic just makes me feel awful for them as many are in horrendous situations. I accept that's my issue though. Just hate seeing so much money going on something so unnecessary!

Yab very u.

Why can't he buy an expensive jacket if he can afford it? On your reasoning we'd all just have the bare minimum. 2 outfits, one to wear, one in the wash, sumner jacket, winter jacket, and 2 pairs of shoes!

If an expensive jacket gives him pleasure then let him crack on

Thank you for agreeing on the jackets @msvestibule

I would share your view totally. Even if he can do what he wants with his bonus another jacket seems like a waste.

Being delighted in his purchase without something for you or the two of you is a bit off too. Again, he doesn't have to but it would be a nice gesture, especially at the moment.

What should he spend it in instead? If you have no children & enough money plus savings, I don't see the issue although it would annoy me too to see it being frittered on stuff that never gets used. However, there's no point hanging onto money for the sake of it if you have plenty to spare.

@thirstyformore 40 jackets for someone wfh full time and only leaves the house to exercise (with no jacket)?

How far along in your relationship are you? Are you planning on children? It sounds like a clash of values, which when you are a couple who keep finances separate is not really an issue. But when you have children together this might be an issue.

6 years in, yes planning children at some point.

This is the only value we clash on so I should probably just accept it. He is wonderful in all other ways but WHY SO MANY BLOODY CLOTHES?!?!?!

Look at it this way, him spending money could of saved someone's job. People aren't spending at the moment because everyone is nervous, so your husband is reinvesting into a depleted economy. My DH loves spending money on 'stuff' fortunately we can afford to . He works hard, provides for our family and if this makes him happy I say Fuck it .....spend away .

That's a general "you" BTW.

That's a good way to see it @bert3400.. thanks!

If you don't have children and its not coming out of the "family pot" so to speak I can't see the problem. His money and as long as he's not taking it from you its his business.

The pandemic is horrifically unfair in its impact on people for sure, but your husband wearing a hair shirt as opposed to a jacket isn't going to make any difference to this.

Well really it is his money and he earned it so he should spend it on what he wants as long as its not depriving the rest of the family of anything.
BUT
I don't blame you for feeling how you do about the jacket. The jacket situation sounds ridiculous!

Then you'll probably need to have a big discussion about cash and spending before you have children. How much of each of your salary will be yours to spend as you please and how much will be joint.

I have a weird jacket husband too. In fairness to him he really doesn't spend a lot on himself but when he does he buys a jacket. Wears them once and then finds a fault... It's really annoying. I did manage to get him to donate a few to a homeless charity last year.

Does he save like you do op? To be honest i think yanbu if he's blowing the cash when you could spend on stuff for the house, holidays when you can etc. My DP gets decent bonuses and it nearly always goes on house stuff etc first before anything. It's also not about the money as you said and that you both have very different values as a whole.

I honestly would take no notice on here I'm reading this and another thread at min and a mums been blasted for allowing her child to spend money online whilst your being told yabu for not allowing your DP to buy a very expensive coat...I think anything for an argument on this site these days

Encourage him to donate the coats he doesn't wear to charity. In normal times charities that work with the homeless collect them. I assume that won't be happening just now so he'd have to do a bit of research. Which might make him think.

40 jackets?! Where on earth does he store them?

Because he can.
Because he wants to.
Because he is a different person to you.
Because he doesn't have to do everything the way you would.