Another fucking expensive jacket

[bendybeep]

Is this a non issue? DP has bought himself a new jacket.

For background I work in a clinical role in the NHS, he works for a private company. He earns more than me but has a genrally lower stress job and owns our house. I have decent personal savings as does he, so money is no issue.

He told me this evening he bought an expensive jacket ( hundreds of pounds but tbh I didn't want to know exact cost). This is a particular sore point as he has around 40 jackets. He wears about 3 of them, yet keeps buying more. It's like a compulsion and I think it's a huge waste of money and not great for the environment (although he never throws any away). I'm just not materialistic at all really, yet he clearly is.

Turns out he got a £5k bonus(!!!) And decided to spend a decent chunk of this on something frivolous. He was practically giddy telling me about the purchase, but I am less them impressed. AIBU to be pissed off at how he spends his money?! It just seems so selfish/short sighted/tacky(can't think of right word) to be doing this in the midst of a pandemic when people are losing jobs, unable to work, losing loved ones etc etc.

Maybe I am just jealous as obviously have never had a bonus in my life working for NHS, underpaid, overworked etc. But im not too bothered about having the money- i am a saver! And people losing their jobs and businesses atm just makes me feel so

I think he's in his own sort of world with money and doesn't understand how things are for the vast majority of people having never had to worry about money and enough disposable income to whatever he likes with. I am probably just being overly sensitive.

Please tell me IABU and he can spend his money however he likes...

I voted YANBU purely because I also live with a coat holder and its doing my head in. Out of the 20 coat hooks in our house, DH has over half filled with all of his coats.

But he doesn't have a decent winter one apparently.

And yes, if the post was from a woman, earning more than her live-in boyfriend, who owned the house they lived in, with him living rent free, and she said he had taken issue with the fact that she spent a fifth of her bonus on a treat for herself without discussing it with him, and that he had strong opinions about what she should do with her bonus, two of mumsnet’s favourite C words, cock-lodger and control, would be all over the thread. But because it’s a guy buying clothes, we have all this sanctimony about fast-fashion and consumerism. This place can be full of hypocrisy at times.

YABU. I'm the same except with trainers. I have roughly 40 plus pairs.

DH does ask why do I need more. But it's my money and I'll spend it on what I like.

Oh dear I have a blouse addiction. But we can afford it and DH can spend what he wants two so neither of us have a problem with that. It would really piss me off if he thought I shouldn’t buy another.

@bendybeep

Yes I am slightly bemused by our cycling friend! I won't take it personally

Lol so don't but you shown yourself for who you really are. Bothers you so much then leave him if your values on lkney are so wide apart but you won't cos he is wealthy.

And you comment about pre nup says it all, cos it wouldn't bother me if my bf wanted a pre nap to protect certain family assets, im not entitled to that only what we jointly build together.

You still haven't said how you would feel if you bf came and created a thread about you in this way...why so silent? Because you know you wouldn't be happy if he had thats why

YABU it's his money he can do what he wants with it

YANBU that 40 jackets is a complete waste of money and bad for the environment. Absolutely overconsumption

He sounds like a twat, but a well clad twat. At least for 40 days of the year.

It sounds incredibly wasteful, I would be peeved too.

I feel like the updates from OP make this sound not bad. She says this is his only bad point (so presumably he hoards nothing else) and that the number 40 includes indoor and outdoor jackets (so presuming blazers, suit jackets etc. included as well?) That doesn't sound too terrible to me. I am curious how and where he stores them all though?

*not so bad

Maybe you could encourage him to wear more of them OP?

I put YABU because he worked for it, his money. And most people appreciate their partners enjoying something nice. So in your DP's case, buying jackets gives him enjoyment, relaxation, etc and it's hardly the worst thing in the world to do. A woman using her bonus to but horses being criticised by her DH would be supported.

But there's something about this bothering you. Is it because he's selfish? Yes, he let's you live in his house rent free, but does this and other behaviour somehow make you feel less important than you should be? Is there other subtle stuff? Youre quite dismissive of his job being easier than yours and stress free, which is a bit of an unusual thing to say in what can't be that an old relationship. ie you sound as though you sort of see through him and don't necessarily see his character in a good light. But what's caused that?

As for the posters suggesting you should encourage him to sell some of the jackets? Do you know how little second hand clothing goes for? Charity shops are full of stuff they can't shift. What a bloody stupid, puritan idea. Let people have a bit of enjoyment in life, before interfering with their choices. I assume these posters never eat too much, or drink alcohol, which isn't strictly necessary, and are so lean that they are pared down to the bone from their unselfish foodly choices.