Another fucking expensive jacket

[bendybeep]

Is this a non issue? DP has bought himself a new jacket.

For background I work in a clinical role in the NHS, he works for a private company. He earns more than me but has a genrally lower stress job and owns our house. I have decent personal savings as does he, so money is no issue.

He told me this evening he bought an expensive jacket ( hundreds of pounds but tbh I didn't want to know exact cost). This is a particular sore point as he has around 40 jackets. He wears about 3 of them, yet keeps buying more. It's like a compulsion and I think it's a huge waste of money and not great for the environment (although he never throws any away). I'm just not materialistic at all really, yet he clearly is.

Turns out he got a £5k bonus(!!!) And decided to spend a decent chunk of this on something frivolous. He was practically giddy telling me about the purchase, but I am less them impressed. AIBU to be pissed off at how he spends his money?! It just seems so selfish/short sighted/tacky(can't think of right word) to be doing this in the midst of a pandemic when people are losing jobs, unable to work, losing loved ones etc etc.

Maybe I am just jealous as obviously have never had a bonus in my life working for NHS, underpaid, overworked etc. But im not too bothered about having the money- i am a saver! And people losing their jobs and businesses atm just makes me feel so

I think he's in his own sort of world with money and doesn't understand how things are for the vast majority of people having never had to worry about money and enough disposable income to whatever he likes with. I am probably just being overly sensitive.

Please tell me IABU and he can spend his money however he likes...

He has commented on me buying things, yes. Not in a nasty way. But only have to mention the jackets then he shuts up

@bendybeep

He has commented on me buying things, yes. Not in a nasty way. But only have to mention the jackets then he shuts up

Right except he hasn't come on a forum and bitched and moaned about it which allowed random people to them make all sorts of assumptions about his character. None of which you've actually pushed back on. Wow some partner you are. Who needs enemies when he ha a person like that in his life. Jesus.

How would you feel if you found out he done that to you?

You should probably take a deep breath and go and do something else. This has clearly wound you up massively, you can hide threads if they're causing you to be angry and upset

Don’t think anyone is angry and upset?!

I love dh and if he spends on stuff (Rapha cycling kit) that makes him happy and that we can afford I am happy he is happy.

@bendybeep

You should probably take a deep breath and go and do something else. This has clearly wound you up massively, you can hide threads if they're causing you to be angry and upset

Hahah I'm not angry or upset I just think its awful on your part really and flipping glad I'm not with someone who behaves like you.

Then again you've got it quite good living in a house rent free which has allows to save up but your too anxious to invest in, meanwhile feel like you have the right to dictate how your partner spends his money bahahs maybe you should use your time to go take a good hard look at yourself. Cos I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone and bitch and moan about them to strangers 💁‍♂️ the fact you ignored answering my question about how you would feel of tables were turned speaks volumes

Thanks to those who have posted helpful thought and comments! Seems I am both unreasonable (his money to do what he likes with) and a bit reasonable (why so many very nice bloody jackets gathering dust?)

Well like you said see you know few yrs when your back to moan about the pre-nup

When life is back to normal, get him to wear them on nights out!

I assume that these are winter outerwear type jackets. Yes, 40 clearly puts him into Imelda Marcos territory. I agree that he can spend what he likes but the money clearly would have been more sensibly put into savings or a retirement account.

@bendybeep

He has commented on me buying things, yes. Not in a nasty way. But only have to mention the jackets then he shuts up

Then its handy he has something he spends loads of money on himself then. Otherwise, if he was commenting on your spending you wouldnt be able to bring up the jackets/or if you did he could look sad and say "and you stopped me buying them". So I would accept it like he accepts your quirks. If he was going into debt it would different.

It's like if I met someone who owns 40 kitchen tables. If they can afford it and that's what they like buying, then that's their decision. Nothing to do with me! But would I want to spend the restof my life with the kind of person who spends lots of money collecting kitchen tables? No.

@MissConductUS

I assume that these are winter outerwear type jackets. Yes, 40 clearly puts him into Imelda Marcos territory. I agree that he can spend what he likes but the money clearly would have been more sensibly put into savings or a retirement account.

OP has said it is a mixture of indoor and outdoor jackets, it’s in one of her follow-up posts.

@bendybeep

Thanks to those who have posted helpful thought and comments! Seems I am both unreasonable (his money to do what he likes with) and a bit reasonable (why so many very nice bloody jackets gathering dust?)

I was about to say this pretty much.

Seems a bit ridiculous if he has so many but it's his money so he can do with it as he wishes

During lockdown, you should have a bit of fun and tell him you’d like him to work through wearing all the indoor ones for a day or evening each, with all the rest of the outfit and grooming- you can get dressed up too and have candlelit dinners or something 😀.

@CheetasOnFajitas that is an excellent idea will ask for photo evidence of him wearing a different one each day on zoom meetings (to go perfectly with his trackies and slippers on the bottom half)

It's a bonus, he spent it on something that makes him happy. Why would it be better to spend on a holiday /save/a kitchen /a new bike. He's a collector I guess, just like people who buy expensive handbags, jewellery or shoes.

Fast fashion or low use clothing contributes to climate change. YANBU to object.

@cyclingmad

Haha I wish I knew OP partner so I could send this to him and tell him how the person he loves has been bitching about him spending his money on another jacket and allowed his character to be judged and all sorts of assumptions made about him as a person

Who does that to their partner! Over buying a jacket.

I think OP you should think long and hard about your own behaviour and whether you would like it if your partner had come on here complaining about you like this

Really? A woman comes on here to express her sadness and frustration and you want to cause her more pain by betraying her vulnerability? That is pretty messed up!

@WhenPidgeonsCry

It's like if I met someone who owns 40 kitchen tables. If they can afford it and that's what they like buying, then that's their decision. Nothing to do with me! But would I want to spend the restof my life with the kind of person who spends lots of money collecting kitchen tables? No.

Well no it isn't like that at all because buying kitchen tables is not a thing. The jackets is a compulsion centred on ego, vanity and greed driven by the need to "buy" happiness. The sign of someone with very little self awareness.

You're cheery aren't you?

@miramour hahah her vulnerability are youcfor really. Woman come son her nirching about her husband, clearly insecure in that she has a jon with no bonus but feels she can dictate how her boyfriend should spend his money even though said boyfriend allows her to stay in his house rent free and only pay half the bills allowing her to save money and he saves money as well.

Woman says he is great just this one thing annoys me he buys jackets, so im gonna come and bitch about him spending his money to a bunch of strangers cos basically I'm jealous and then said random people can say horrible things about him, but I love this man. Lollll are you actually going to think that you would be happy if your other half did that to you? Other something that they have no right to complain over.

I'd love it for a guy to come on here and do the same thread honestly he would get an absolute pasting but nah cos a woman does it, suddenly its but they are sad, frustrated and vulnerable, what a joke!

[quote cyclingmad]@miramour hahah her vulnerability are youcfor really. Woman come son her nirching about her husband, clearly insecure in that she has a jon with no bonus but feels she can dictate how her boyfriend should spend his money even though said boyfriend allows her to stay in his house rent free and only pay half the bills allowing her to save money and he saves money as well.

Woman says he is great just this one thing annoys me he buys jackets, so im gonna come and bitch about him spending his money to a bunch of strangers cos basically I'm jealous and then said random people can say horrible things about him, but I love this man. Lollll are you actually going to think that you would be happy if your other half did that to you? Other something that they have no right to complain over.

I'd love it for a guy to come on here and do the same thread honestly he would get an absolute pasting but nah cos a woman does it, suddenly its but they are sad, frustrated and vulnerable, what a joke![/quote]
Well said. The ‘betraying her vulnerability’ comment made me laugh out loud, quite literally.

I can’t get over some of the attitudes displayed here. Those who think they’ve a right to dictate what he does with the bonus he earned, that is not needed for house/family/essential purposes...those who think they can insist he sell/donate the jackets he already owns...mind-boggling. I’m also highly amused at the psychobabble that has been trotted out with such certainty and self-righteousness. I’m a psychiatrist, almost 20 years in the job, yet I wouldn’t make the pronouncements some have made on here!

Don't worry, haven't said I'm sad/vulnerable!

*Right except he hasn't come on a forum and bitched and moaned about it which allowed random people to them make all sorts of assumptions about his character.
None of which you've actually pushed back on. Wow some partner you are. Who needs enemies when he ha a person like that in his life. Jesus.

How would you feel if you found out he done that to you?*

I thought the OP, was unreasonable and the man can spend his money on what he likes, pandemic or not, but be fair, she has several times refuted other poster's claims that he's selfish or bad with money! It's all got a bit out of hand here!

Yes I am slightly bemused by our cycling friend! I won't take it personally