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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband wants ME to apologise after destroying our house!

253 replies

MonaRoza · 03/01/2021 22:30

My husband and I got into an argument on NYE. I won’t divulge on the details too much but in my view it was over something which shouldn’t have become such a big deal. The key is that he ended up breaking the glass on our windows and doors, causing massive damage. I feel that what I told him was such a small thing that it shouldn’t have caused such a reaction. Actually, nothing really should cause such a reaction. Now he is upset because I won’t apologise and he thinks I am being stubborn. For background, my husband has an alcohol problem and long history of damaging stuff in our house. I just feel I won’t apologise for something I have not done and am fed up with him always justifying his aggressive actions by blaming someone else for “pushing him” to do it. Have you had to deal with a situation like this? What would you do?

OP posts:
MollyButton · 03/01/2021 22:31

I'd have called the police on NYE.

Ohalrightthen · 03/01/2021 22:31

I'd call the police, leave and file for divorce.

YoniAndGuy · 03/01/2021 22:32

Honestly you need to report him to the police and get him removed.

lljkk · 03/01/2021 22:32

If you don't have kids I'd be out of there immediately.
Why do you think you don't deserve better?

Cloverforever · 03/01/2021 22:33

I'd leave him. 100%.

Ginfordinner · 03/01/2021 22:33

Have you had to deal with a situation like this?

No

What would you do?

Honest answer - I'm not sure I wuld want to stay married to an aggressive bully like him.

carlywurly · 03/01/2021 22:33

I'd get support to leave him from somewhere like women's aid. You can't live like this with someone who cannot control their temper and purposely damages your property. There's a fine line between hitting glass and hitting people and if he hasn't already crossed it, I'd not be sticking around until it happened.

He needs to sort his alcohol addiction out before he can be in any relationship.

I'm so sorry. It sounds incredibly hard.

WhereAreMyPants · 03/01/2021 22:33

I’d get a divorce.

Cherrysoup · 03/01/2021 22:33

Police, press charges te criminal damage, kick him out. Why are you with him? I couldn’t tolerate someone so horribly aggressive.

Ayupmeduck · 03/01/2021 22:34

Simple really, I wouldn't be with someone who destroyed things.
Do you have children. I hope not.

pickingdaisies · 03/01/2021 22:34

He broke the WINDOWS??? I'll tell you what I would do. I'd pack a bag. One of us would be leaving.

Omeara · 03/01/2021 22:36

Without a shadow of a doubt I would leave him.

SquidInALid · 03/01/2021 22:36

Do you have DC? That would be absolutely terrifying for them and I could not stay.

MsAwesomeDragon · 03/01/2021 22:36

You need to split up. At some point he may decide that instead of damaging the property he will damage you instead.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 03/01/2021 22:37

You musst be fuming.

And cold.

I wouldn’t put up with that OP. I don't to think anything would warrant a reaction like that.

Bunnybigears · 03/01/2021 22:37

I would have left him on NYE

AKissAndASmile · 03/01/2021 22:37

Pretty shocking

ithinkyouareveryrude · 03/01/2021 22:37

Leave and never look back.

His violence will escalate and after he’s broken everything he can get his hands on he will turn on you. He is testing your boundaries and seeing how much you will put up with.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 03/01/2021 22:38

Be glad it wasn’t you. It might be next time.

StrippedFridge · 03/01/2021 22:38

I would leave the building. I would not stay in a house full of broken glass. I would divorce him. These things are obvious.

Why are you not doing the obvious?

Why are you in the slightest bit bothered about apologies? That's rearranging the deckchairs on the titanic.

HollowTalk · 03/01/2021 22:39

You poor thing. I couldn't live with him after that. Do you share finances? Is the house on a mortgage?

nimbuscloud · 03/01/2021 22:39

For the sake of your children- whose lives will be destroyed - you need to get away.

Cantdoitallperfectly · 03/01/2021 22:40

Leave. How awful for you to live like this. It could be you next time.

Hankunamatata · 03/01/2021 22:41

Wow. And your still with him?

CoffeeRunner · 03/01/2021 22:42

He broke your doors & windows - and you need to apologise to him?!?

No. Other posters are right, you need to leave this environment one way or another. Preferably by throwing him out.